[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"I, frankly, am just amazed that someone from the Patriots organization would cheat!" – Dok

Log In

Your “All Hail The Queen” Sunday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

/

,

Bow down to your new goddess, and new Democratic frontrunner for the nomination.

Well, that was a fair result for the Americans. Even as a Canadian who wanted them to lose, you couldn’t deny that the US team was a buzzsaw. Now all that awaits is Dekker from the Dutch team complaining that the tournament officials are corrupt & that the whole thing is rigged for the Americans.

In case you didn’t see it, Bleacher Report tweeted (since deleted) a picture of them attempting to place the women’s team among the pantheon of American icons.

It’s immediately terrible because there’s no Dream Team, but there is Iron Man. Also, it only includes 2/3 of the actual women’s team, and of the 50 people included behind them more than half are men and/or fictional.

NICE JORB!

Tonight’s sports:

  • Fútbol:
    • MLS Soccer:
      • New York City FC vs. Portland Timbers – 6:30PM | FS1
    • CONCACAF Gold Cup Soccer 2019:
      • Mexico vs. U.S. – 9:00PM | FS1 / UNI / TSN
  • NBA Summer League Basketball:
    • Cavaliers vs. Bulls – 7:30PM | ESPN
    • Suns vs. Knicks – 9:30PM | ESPN
    • Grizzlies vs. Clippers – 11:30PM | TSN2
  • Calgary Stampede:
    • Rangeland Derby – 10:00PM | Sportsnet

OH GOD! We’re at that point in the summer when there isn’t even baseball on evening TV. Help us football – you’re our only hope!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
132 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Unsurprised

comment image

0
Brick Meathook

Why is the banner photo a picture of David Bowie?

0
Brick Meathook

I slept all day and I have to work all night in my home studio (for a Netflix show about drag queens) but you know what I’m gonna do first? I’m bringing a New York strip steak up to room temperature and then I’m going to sear it in my 1920 Griswold 9-inch cast iron skillet (that’s old iron, composed mainly of hematite ore) and then finish it in a 425°F oven. Then I’ll remove it and tent it; while it’s resting, I’ll fry up two eggs in my “eggs only” 8-inch Zwilling non-stick pan, in butter. Oh, and the steak will be cooked with diced onions, mushrooms, and peppers.

comment image

comment image

3
Mr. Ayo

This is one of those posts that requires a follow-up

0
ALXMAC

si

0
Brick Meathook

And diced tomatoes, I forgot those.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Man that’s gay.

0
Brick Meathook

It’s super gay.

0
yeah right

This is always a special moment: finally catch up with one of your true friends from high school, what like 40 years later and his first shared Facebook post mentions christianity and communion.

Oh God dammit!

0
ballsofsteelandfury

This is why Facebook sucks.

1
Brick Meathook

Does he like Christianity or does he hate it?

Also, was that “communion” or “communism”?

0
Horatio Cornblower

I caught up with my old college roommate after 20+ years. He was a total hound with the women and now he has two daughters under 13.

I laughed myself into a hernia.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Balls and tWBS tonight:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohDB5gbtaEQ

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

hehehehehe

0
yeah right

There’s some dumb motherfuckers just destroying chicken fried steak on the cooking channel and it’s a little sad.

It ain’t that hoard peoples.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Worcester MA public access channel, (it’s between all the sports channels for some reason and it is hilarious), is showing a tummy tuck paid promotion show and it’s clear that the before and after pictures are just someone telling the model to stand up straight and suck it in while taking both photos within 4 minutes of each other.

1
yeah right

Same swim suit?

1
Horatio Cornblower

Oh far, far worse.

0
yeah right

Damn.

0
yeah right

The fact that we made chili relleno should have been a clue.

1
Horatio Cornblower

A clue, you say?
/Door flies open
comment image

6
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

VASTLY underrated movie

2
Horatio Cornblower

Can confirm

1
Brick Meathook

There’s quite a few homo-sexuals in that cast as well, which is very good. They love that theatre shit.

1
Horatio Cornblower

That’s bullshit.
comment image?w=807

I haven’t seen a more manly movie since ‘Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert‘

1
Unsurprised

comment image

2
Unsurprised

More accurate:

comment image

3
Horatio Cornblower

No shit.

1
Horatio Cornblower

By the way, this thread sucks.

2
herodotus450

Now them’s fightin words

1
Horatio Cornblower

jesus, gotta take some pretty drastic steps to find out who’s still awake.

1
Brick Meathook

I’m awake! I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck’s going on. I actually slept all day, and I highly recommend it.

3
Porky Prime

Yeah, up yours, Springfield!

4
yeah right

Still here and I’ve got garlic breath and sticky fingers.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Michael Bradley proving once again that being Bob Bradley’s son is the gift that keeps on giving.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Me, posting right now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN9CjAfo5n0

0
Horatio Cornblower

Man down in the box for Mexico and I literally just yelled “They shoot horses don’t they!?”

3
Horatio Cornblower

“A decidedly pro-Mexican crowd here…”

So Stephen Miller didn’t make it?

3
Unsurprised

Dope. ESPN will air the first NSWL game next week. Portland Thorn v Orlando Pride. Here in Portland at noon PST.

Oh man. Providence Park is going to be fucking wild.

0
Brick Meathook

Is the Orlando Pride a gay team? I have no idea what NSWL is.

2
herodotus450

comment image?itemid=13125842

1
Unsurprised

National Women’s Soccer League. The WNBA of the MLS only better than the men. But yeah the Pride is named for that.

1
Horatio Cornblower

/starts internet campaign for a team named “The Straights”
//argues vociferously that it be located in Boston
///dips

1
Brick Meathook

Are you serious? A womens’ soccer team is named for being gay? This pride shit is getting out of hand.

1
Horatio Cornblower

The fuck?

1
Brick Meathook

The fuck what? The team being gay or me pointing it out?

0
Horatio Cornblower

“This pride shit is getting out of hand.”

Seriously? Look, if I’m missing the sarcasm let me know. I’ve had a couple and reading through the pissing match below may have thrown me.

0
Brick Meathook

It was both. I only go for the comedy; I have no beliefs whatsoever. However, this pride shit is getting out of hand. Being a homosexual is nothing to be proud of, any more than I should be proud for being normal. Also you’re drunk. But then again, I just woke up. Do you see the light, grasshopper? Did you ever watch Kung Fu? I don’t think I would have watched it if the Chinaman had been played by a gook. David Carradine choked to death while jerking off.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I have lost all perspective on this thread so I’ll just…
comment image

(also you will hear me open another beer from deep within the shrubbery)

1
Brick Meathook

Hey it’s all about the funny. You’re being very sensitive.

1
Horatio Cornblower

You’re calling me sensitive when you got upset about the gays getting, out of all pro sports, TWO*teams named for them!?

*The second, of course, being the Calgary Flames

5
Brick Meathook

I didn’t get upset. I just thought it was faggy, that’s all. Don’t forget the Cowboys and the Rams.

1
Horatio Cornblower

It’s the not bankrupt women’s soccer league. There’s a not bankrupt hockey one too!

2
herodotus450

Leaving an Arriola uncovered like that should be illegal.

4
SonOfSpam

“Damn, Arriola was so close!”

– me, after my first visit to a strip club

6
Unsurprised

Alex Morgan is nice.

comment image

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

/would corner kick that

0
herodotus450

Raucous crowd chants, beers thrown on the field, what kind of shit-hole country is this game being played in?

4
Horatio Cornblower

Is it a Little League game in eastern CT?

0
SonOfSpam

Couldn’t have happened to a better network.

2
Unsurprised

Drew is stealing jobs from our hardworking Mexicans.

https://www.gq.com/story/drews-fancy-underwear-odyssey

3
WCS

Lots and lots of REEL MURIKAN PATROITS angry TEH GAY won the country a world championship.

4
Unsurprised

Good.

2
Unsurprised

Don T’s tweet gif from below:

comment image

5
SonOfSpam

Wait..I thought it was Pence that got balls in his face a lot.

3
Unsurprised

That’s IRL. This is satire.

3
SonOfSpam

Sorry. Can’t really tell the difference any more.

3
herodotus450

Is there a better excuse for America not being good at soccer than, “well, we have to give the rest of the world something to beat us at”?

0
Unsurprised

Yeah, just soccer. Not happiness, height, life expectancy, overall health and well being, per capita income, and all the other things that the U.S. is actually shit at.

2
Horatio Cornblower

“The only thing holding us back on height are all those tiny illegal immigrants!”
-Probably a direct quote from Twitter

0
herodotus450

Frankly, if this is Mexico’s idea of defense, then I’m not sure they should have anything do to with the wall.

2
Unsurprised

Once again I’m going to recommend watching NWSL whenever ESPN starts airing their games.

1
herodotus450

CONCACAF, eh? More like, TooLongAnAcronymCACAF amirit?

3
SonOfSpam

Canadians
Offer
Nationalized
Care;
Also
Crappy
At
Football

6
litre_cola

This checks out.

1
SonOfSpam

Comically,
Only
Non-Advanced
Cultures
Actually
Care
About
Futbol

0
litre_cola

Alright, final game of the day. Hippo haz Mexico?

1
litre_cola

comment image

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Always wanted to see these guys live. They used to play the El Rey in LA regularly, but it never timed out right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59bLUwYONEI

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

It appears Balls and I scared everyone off, LOL.
Relax, we’ll be fine. Start commenting again please.
I miss Venice and Santa Monica.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW6E_TNgCsY

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

True story….I’ve met ‎Art Alexakis‎ twice. Pretty cool guy.

1
SonOfSpam

When you deal heroin, you meet interesting people.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Balls never scared me off, even that time out behind the Arby’s dumpster, when I was not expecting a pair that big on someone with tits like that.

2
Don T

comment image

1
Don T

Maybe I should focus on younger women. I already burned all my compliments for those my age, badly. My last interaction ended with “You have beautiful skin. Who’s your embalmer?”

11
theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. Funeral Directors get all dat ass.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hopefully Balls won’t find that offensive to Funeral Directors.
Or corpses.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

This checks out
comment image

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“You have beautiful skin. Who’s your embalmer?”

Is banner worthy, even if I may have heard some standup use a similar joke, who knows, still banner worthy.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

1
herodotus450

It’s a good thing Hope Solo isn’t still on the team. If she went to the White (raycess btw) House she’d probably get into a fist fight with trump, they’d end up sleeping together in the Lincoln Bedroom in between the chicken nugget and apple pie courses, and then she’d be his running mate in 2020.

5
Don T

High chemistry potential with 45
comment image

5
rockingdog

found a funny:
Eeyore is a horribly depressed donkey, but he doesn’t give up. He truly is an ass that won’t quit.

3
yeah right

Megan is easily my new deity.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Checks out:
comment image

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

For some reason, “Ghostbusters” is on AMC right now.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…..

Sigourney Weaver is not an attractive woman, not a good actress, and should immediately be placed in a prison camp.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

2
Don T

Weaver was great on Baby Mama as the butt of ageist jokes.
“Your eggs are from the ‘40s”
???

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Did they show her penis?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Dude, that’s not cool.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously? It’s not like I just said it to her.
We’re all losing our sense of humour around here.
Myself included, I suppose.

I apologize.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

No wait…. YOU bring up anal sex at every opportunity. And yet you’re going to call me out for saying THAT?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You don’t think calling a woman ugly and saying she has a penis is bad?

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

You do remember the types of jokes we make on this site, yes?

I don’t know what your problem with me is lately, but I would respectfully ask that you get over it. And really fast. Please?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s cool; it was a strapon.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is most likely a sign of a man who is intimidated by strong women. A man who needs a weak woman to make them feel masculine. Not in every case of course, but in a majority, there’s definitely something there.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

I really hope you meant that as a joke.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To each their own I suppose; she was great and attractive as Ripley.

1
Don T

This needs to be in the Smithsonian.

https://mobile.twitter.com/didymus/status/1147904666811949056

1
yeah right

That is fucking glorious.

0
Don T

In sum, someone who replies “?” to a request for a date probably means
YOU CAME OUT TOO STRONG

On the bright side, I don’t have to shave tomorrow AM. And a drink is being had.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

0
Don T

Mah game needs work. still gotta find the sweet spot between “Hey baby” self-assurance and drooling obsequiousness.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, so that’s NOT a “Yes, bring lube”?

1
Don T

Well maybe I misread the DTF nuance of “?”. There’s a heart there fer Chrissakes! WHERE’S THE FILTH!!1!1!1

1
ballsofsteelandfury

After the anal, of course.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Like I said above….dot dot dot….

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

I want to meet the pink haired Lezbion.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet I could turn her.

0
Don T

.. To try out for”Grease”!
comment image

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Chris Davis got not just one, but TWO hits today!!!!!
Raising his average to .189.
That $17 Million per year isn’t looking so stupid now, huh?

Orioles lose 6-1 in Toronto.

1
herodotus450

And… the Harry Potter kids? Very cool.

0
herodotus450

That looks like… Kobe Bryant? Makes sense, a rich guy who buys his way out of legal trouble and everyone conveniently forgets about it.

1
King Hippo

viva el Mexico!!

1
132
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x