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Your “But I Want To Keep It” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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So last Saturday, I went to Paul McCartney. It was fantastic.

As usual, there was the attraction of the merch table, as well as what to do with the ticket stub. Now, as a guy, I like to “hold onto” things until I “know where to put it”. That can result in something staying in its exact spot on the counter for weeks, leading to much marital consternation.

Now, as it happens, I am officially on summer vacation from last Thursday, since my role as senior teacher meant I had to work a couple of weeks into the summer. (It’s an extra paycheque, and means I don’t have to work the rest of the summer.) While working on the “honeydew” list, I came across an old box in the darkest part of the garage, wherein I found reminders that I had a pretty good few years of concerts between grade 11 & third-year university.

Those were some good shows, and I remember most of them! Now the McCartney stub is hidden away until I can decide what to do with it.

Also a question: how may of the old shirts I found can I fit into. (Answer: none – I used to weigh 140 pounds & was 86% booze & rice.)

Tonight’s sports:

  • CFL:
    • Stampeders at Tiger-Cats – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN
  • MLB: 7:00PM – one of:
    • Dodgers at Red Sox – FOX / Sportsnet
    • Giants at Brewers – FOX
    • Nationals at Phillies – FOX
  • Futbol:
    • MLS:
      • Montreal vs. Toronto FC – 7:30PM | TSN4
      • Whitecaps FC vs. Sporting KC – 10:00PM | TSN
    • AFL:
      • Port Adelaide vs. Brisbane – 2:30AM | TSN2
  • NBA Summer League:
    • Quarterfinals game – 8:30PM; 10:30PM – ESPN
  • Racing:
    • NASCAR Cup Series:
      • Quaker State 400 – 7:30PM | NBCSN / TSN2
    • F-1
      • British Grand Prix – 9:00AM | ESPN / TSN3
  • Fisticuffs:
    • Top Rank Boxing:
      • Main Event: Stevenson-Guevara (featherweights) – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN5
    • PBC Fight Night:
      • James-DeMarco (super welterweights) – 8:00PM | FS1
    • UFC Fight Night: de Randamie vs. Ladd
      • Main Card – 8:00PM | ESPN+ / TSN5

Finally, don’t forget to join me and all the Commentists with babies at 2:30AM for the start of the Cricket World Cup final match between England & New Zealand. There’s even an open thread prepared!

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yeah right

One of the many advantages of being a Starwood Preferred Guest are these sweet ass Terry cloth bathrobes. Wearing one now.
This got me thinking.
While the hotel cleaning staff does a great job of vacuuming, changing linens etc.
How often do they wipe down the chairs in the room.
You could have some nasty motherfuckers taint all over that chair and room service won’t even give it a wet nap.

Deep thoughts.
Sleep well.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think about that every time I put my taint on a random surface in a hotel room

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yeah right

Earlier today Low Commander and I were here in the same bar having drinks with youngest right when this blonde goddess walked by dressed to the fucking nines.
She is 3 seats down at the bar and that cleavage would house the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
Holy shit.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Buy her a drink from me

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Brick Meathook

Tell her you know a guy named Brick.

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yeah right

She remembers.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I was wearing two tiger balm patches on my back when I went out. I took one off and threw it away about 90 minutes ago. I have absolutely no idea where the other one is.

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yeah right

Careful when you wipe.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Balls, I’m just starting the game from the beginning now…and already not happy

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blaxabbath

Booze and rice?

So you’re…..

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening

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yeah right

Cheers from the Westin Horton Plaza in downtown San Diego. The hotel bar is lively and I’ve got a beer and a double Buffalo Trace.

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blaxabbath

What is buffalo trace?

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Mr. Ayo

That’s a good bourbon. Especially as a double.

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yeah right

This guy gets it.

1
yeah right

Kentucky bourbon. Same distillery as Pappy Van Winkle. The good shit.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Native American sex move

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yeah right

Like a dirty snail trail.

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yeah right

This is one seriously well stocked hotel bar.
And there’s tons of liquor too.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

And that’s before you even see the women!

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Brick Meathook

Well godammit I just went to McDonald’s, which I only do once every five years (and only order the Filet-O-Fish sandwich). I pulled up to the speaker and asked for a “Spanish Burger” and that chick on the other end had no idea what I was talking about. Eventually we determined that I was asking for a “Grande Bacon Burger” but somehow I also got a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, which she pronounced as a “Crap Under.” Bless her heart though. Since I ended up with both it made for a good comparison. The “Grande Bacon Burger” is just a Crap Under with Gouda cheese (which is Dutch) instead of American cheese food product and it has a different kind of secret sauce. And it has bacon. But the “secret sauce” makes the burger slide apart when you hold it sideways, which you do when eating it, and I have no respect for a sandwich of any kind that has no structural integrity (or is so huge it won’t fit in your pie hole – like deli sandwiches named after old vaudevillians). Now the regular Crap Under performed just like an Apollo rocket and stayed together and delivered the goods, even though I’m probably going to take a horrible shit tomorrow. God Bless America.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I presume you are higher than Andre the Giant’s genitals

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Brick Meathook

Even higher.

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Mr. Ayo

So which won? The Crap Under or the Grande Bacon Burger?

Some of us have to plan lunch tomorrow.

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Brick Meathook

The “Grande Bacon Burger” failed on structural integrity. The Crap Under had marvelous, even admirable structural integrity. Actually I hated them both.

I only bit into these ten minutes ago and I’m already passing McDonald’s farts. How does that even work? Isn’t the alimentary canal like five miles long?

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Mr. Ayo

So no winners. Just you on the toilet as the loser. Got it.

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Brick Meathook

Yes I believe so.

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blaxabbath

I feel DFO Commentists fall somewhere between the mainline extremists on Facebook and large swaths of 4chan.

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Brick Meathook

. . . and HGTV

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yeah right

Pretty solid game tonight but the Friar Faithful leave disappointed. Good crowd and a lot of fun.

Taking 4 hours to get from LA to San Diego was not fun. At all.

Still great to see youngest right, littlest right and our own Low Commander. Now it’s down to the hotel bar for some fucking drinks.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I just poured a whiskey.

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yeah right

Did a double, a single and three Stone pilsners.
Making the best of it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“TAAAAAAAAAAP OOOOOOOOUT!”

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Mr. Ayo

As a former wrestler, the trick is to stick your finger up their bunghole.

Cupping their junk is far more riskier.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The works for rugby.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

I need to safari soon.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Are these teams broke? Why is everyone sitting on plastic lawn chairs at HT? How is this acceptable in a stadium that seats almost enough guys to satisfy Balls mom?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

This is why you can’t have nice things Richmond.

BE BETTER!

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Mr. Ayo

He drove off with his coffee on the roof

That’s some quality commentary.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

That was much better from GWS.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Party!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I Cream of Jeannie

I Cream on Jeannie
I Dream Of Weenie
I Love Juicy
Jennifer Ate
Jungle Beaver
Jurassic Pork
Leave It To Cleavage
License to Thrill
Little Oral Annie

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

WTF. Is that a giant dog or am I just seeing shit?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Not the first quarter that GWS would have wanted. I wonder if BFC is drinking/watching this?

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Mr. Ayo

I think they need to drop the G until HT after this effort.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

JACK IS BACK!

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ballsofsteelandfury

First time in 3 months, I reckon.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s a long time to store up.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Damn, I’m thirsty.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

The problem with lactating porn is that they’re not also pregnant. Cause they don’t milk til after the child come out. It’s frustrating. There’s gotta be some hot wet nurses out there looking for a buck, right?

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Mr. Ayo

Now I’m just horny thinking about those hot, wet, nurses.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact: GWS’ Bobby Hill got his name from this guy:
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Brick Meathook

I have a question. Actually two questions.

I know there’s a few lawyers here at DFO, so:

I have some neighbors who keep having loud parties. They don’t play music or set off fireworks or anything; they sit on their deck and have LOUD but insipid alcohol fueled conversations between 8:00 PM and 11:00 PM on weekend nights.

My question is: Can I legally shoot them in the head? Is there a courtroom defense for this? I’ll tailor my actions accordingly.

Second question, to the commentariat at large: I don’t own any firearms. I earned a Riflery merit badge in the Boy Scouts and was trained on the M-1911A .45 ACP semi-automatic pistol in the U.S. Navy, but really that only proves that I probably won’t shoot myself. My firearms knowledge is thin. Can anyone advise me on a good (yet economical) firearm for shooting an insipid blathering neighbor in the head at less than 100 yards? It has to look like self-defense so no bazookas please.

I’ll hang up and listen.

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Mr. Ayo

At that range, a Beretta over/under shotgun would be best.

Although you really should consider upping your alcohol intake between 8 and 11pm at someone else’s expense.

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Unsurprised

Perhaps taking the neighbors while they are distracted by their own noise

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herodotus450

Are they/you black?

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Brick Meathook

I think that one guy might be.

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herodotus450

Maybe just throw a hamburger over then?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Would it be racist to throw a Rally Burger or Fatburger over? Would a Big Mac be race-neutral?

These are the questions of our times.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Btw, that Spanish burger at McDonald’s is pretty darn tasty according to my dad.

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Brick Meathook

McDonalds has a Spanish Burger? What the fuck is that even?

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Mr. Ayo

It’s called El Gran Mac.

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ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

From the website:

A mouthwatering McDonald’s favorite from Spain, the Grand McExtreme Bacon Burger features thick-cut Applewood smoked bacon topped on a ¼* lb. of 100% fresh beef that’s cooked when you order. Layered with smoky McBacon sauce and two slices of savory real gouda cheese on a sesame seed bun.

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ballsofsteelandfury

My dad got a double.

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Brick Meathook

Holy shit

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If so, just call the police and they will do the shooting for you.

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BC Dick

8 and 11? Quit complaining, current Clint Eastwood.

2
rockingdog

padres vs braves! 3-3 in the 7th inning
gooooooooo padres!!!!!

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Sharkbait

Go Free Baseball!

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ballsofsteelandfury

GWS-Richmond time!! This is going to be the Match Of The Round!

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Mr. Ayo

Oh wow, my watch afl login still works. I’m in.

1
Mr. Ayo

Is the MCG normally half filled?

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ballsofsteelandfury

I think the rain has kept folks at home.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Also, it seats 100K, so it almost always looks empty even if it’s a good crowd.

1
Mr. Ayo

Damn, did they build that for your mother?

2
rockingdog

found a funny:
genie: i shall grant you three wishes

me: i wish my dog could talk

genie: done

me: [petting my dog] hey buddy you’ve got two wishes

1
Mr. Ayo

What a Busch brother bout in Kentucky.

(Not code for anything)

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ballsofsteelandfury

That was a great finish.

1
Unsurprised

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rockingdog

future ex wife rite there…..

3
Sharkbait

Sup tit fuckers

/May have started watching Letterkenny

2
Gratliff

I’ve got a friend of mine hounding me to watch it. Only got like 2 minutes into it and gave up.

1
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Hey, I’ve resembled that remark!

1
Unsurprised

Fuck. I don’t go anywhere or do anything like that.

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Brick Meathook

Now’s the time to start. Make your goal to collect as many ticket stubs as beerguyrob. You have your mission; get cracking. They ain’t gonna collect themselves.

1
BC Dick

There’s way too many people at stadiums though. I like my turlet and my beer and I can sleep or take my pants off any time I want. Plus you know they make you pay money to watch sports in a stadium. You can’t even skip past the endless replays.

0
Mr. Ayo

Good news! You can!

Also, I’ve never been to a concert, but I hate people.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish that Richie Incognito had received the same duration of suspension that Aaron Hernandez did.

4
Gratliff

Really only needs about 8 minutes then

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A…… suspended sentence?

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Unsurprised

Self-help remedy

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Senor Weaselo

Meanwhile in New York (sorry, on my phone playing a concert)
https://youtu.be/Az1FSLfZxH4P

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

We actually played the Ring Without Words last year!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s quite a collection of stubs! I’ve got mine stashed away too.

The prices back then were accessible. I don’t understand how/why people go to concerts nowadays.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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They celebrate this guy and I take my clothes off, one fucking tome mind you, at the ball park [sic]……

3
BC Dick

And you just want to teach the kids a proper catcher’s crouch. Also, who celebrates that? It’s a shameful display. Does he need the money?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, it’s only ball 2.

1
Brick Meathook

I bet that guy has had dreams about pitching while naked. Now he can see those dreams on YouTube.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Woah, this is a gif! That freaked me out there for a moment.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Well, damn.

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BC Dick

Sweet mother of Mary

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is Mary.

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BC Dick

Is that a pornographic actress? If so I will require her name and roughly 18 minutes of personal time.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

A Google Image search reveals she is Wendy Fiore. Unfortunately for your penis, NOT a pornographic actress.

1
Brick Meathook

She could feed an entire maternity ward of infants, with seconds. No runts in this litter!

1
BC Dick

I’ll punish him, nonetheless. It sure sounds like a porn name.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Well, yesterday was the World Champ soccer, butt….

2
BC Dick

I see Justin Smith. Is that from back when the niners D was carrying Colin’s ass into the playoffs? Don’t you mention the Seahawks ‘cause Russell never got benched for Blaine Gabbert.

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Brick Meathook

I remember seeing this live, and I noticed his head do that in the live real-time broadcast (from a different camera angle).

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The lesbianing.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

My word. The Alouettes. Can’t blame strippers for that one, Redblacks. It’s not all caps. You don’t get to reset the ‘rules’ of the English language just because you can’t think of a name that starts with R.

1
Ian Scott McCormick

Who won the Jays/Chisox game?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

What is the Venn diagram of commentists with babies and commentists who are into cricket?

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One.

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Gratliff

Wrestling captions going very well tonight
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Gratliff

For those interested, it’s being streamed free on Bleacher Report’s live stream thing that I didn’t know existed until I found out that it was streaming for free. Come listen to Jim Ross sundown in front of a live audience.
https://live.bleacherreport.com/wrestling/all-elite-wrestling/events/aew-fight-for-the-fallen/66423

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

Is that litre_cola’s last Christmas card? I’m sure it’s on my fridge.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

From a whole pack of (naked) cheaters.

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Mr. Ayo

OOK!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bear……ly.

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Mr. Ayo

OOF!

1
Redshirt

If there is any commentists dealing with Hurricane/Tropical Storm Barry, just hang in there. This’ll pass.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx0vDspgdLc

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not only are people dealing with terrible flooding, but now when they try to escape somebody posts fucking Barry Manilow? You are CRUEL!

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BC Dick

That’s like getting gored by a bull and then, at any point in the future, listening to Barry manilow.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I survived the bear mauling, but had to ride in the elevator…….. wasn’t worth it.”

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