Down to the Raging Afrikan Semis – Lesser Moving Forward

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

This is a bit of a footy desert for us degenerate #HAILGAMBLOR types.  There is less to pick and choose from, so we tend to…force the #ACTION a bit?  Anyway, happy me that Sweden, Norway, Finland, Brasil, Belarus, etc. are all kicking back into gear today.  Them’s is leagues I sort of pretend that I understand.

Oh, there are also tons and tons of friendlies.  DO NOT try to bet friendlies, therein lies the path to madness.

For the MOAR casual viewer, things must wait until Sunday.  BeIn has you covered with two truly Raging Semis – Senegal v. Tunisia (noon EST) and Algeria v. Nigeria (3:00p).  In particular, I recommend the earlier match, as the Merseyside duo of Idrissa Gana Gueye (no, I never get tired of the announcer calling him “The Everton Man”) and Sadio Mane (the least revolting member of the Redshite) have worked in perfect combination for Alou Cisse’s hipster perfection side.  If Senegal aren’t the side playing the best football, then it’s Tunisia.  Should be an absolute cracker of a match.

P.S. While looking for the above pic, I learned that Gana and Mane stop speaking to each other the week before the Derby.  That is a beautiful juxtaposition of friendship and HATE right there.  I tip my cap to y’all.

The nightcap has perhaps the two teams one might have EXPECTED to be playing the best, especially if one pretends Algeria is really Egypt.  Hey, it’s all desert amirite??  But Nigeria in particular is loaded with attacking talent, albeit talent that hasn’t really jelled as a unit.  But they had a pretty rousing Afikan Flacco Eight win over Team Apartheid, and that could really push them forward.

In short, it’s been a great tournament, and well worth 5 hours of your Lord’s Day time.

Our Young Boys play one of those interminable friendlies today.  But like, at 4:30a normal ppl time.  Fuck a duck, that’s early.  Plus, el beisbol is back, and even though I slept through last night’s match (stupid, sexy, blood orange cider), I am comforted to know my beloved #BFIB are still shitty.  I didn’t miss out, you see.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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ballsofsteelandfuryMoose -The End Is Well Nighherodotus450BrettFavresColonoscopyUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw I know you all care a lot more about soccer, but this Essendon-North Melbourne game from the other night (hooray replays!) is riveting.

herodotus450
herodotus450

What is that, darts?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Queef off

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Queef Offs are great, and it is a great sport.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Honestly, I think Australian football has become my second favorite sport behind the NFL.

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!

herodotus450
herodotus450

I always mean to watch it, but always go to sleep instead. Melatonin production strikes again!

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s why the replays are awesome!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

Part 2

scotchnaut

The early 80’s was a complicated time.

ballsofsteelandfury

No, it was a WONDERFUL time!

Horatio Cornblower

My voice changed like 3 times!

scotchnaut

When looking good in a bikini led to a recording career Part 1.

scotchnaut

The late 70’s was a complicated time.

ballsofsteelandfury

Jiggle TV ruled the airwaves. Charlie’s Angels, Three’s Company… oh, the good old days!

scotchnaut

Pia Zadora. God, how I miss her!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m shocked she never did porn.

Horatio Cornblower

I think the Tour de France would be more interesting if they all had to ride Huffy’s. Specifically this one:
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ugh. I can’t see the word “huffy” without thinking of Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

Horatio Cornblower

Fitting, since she can’t walk up a flight of stairs without getting huffy.

ballsofsteelandfury

That actually looks pretty fun.

Horatio Cornblower

The most aggressive rider in the Tour de France gets a red jersey? Did I just hear that right? Man, I’d just start kicking everyone’s bike over at the start and spitting on the other riders. It’s my only chance.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it red so that it hides the blood of the other riders? Or is it so it hides your own blood in case you overflow while doping?

Horatio Cornblower

Yes

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I should make breakfast, but alternatively I could go back to sleep…

Horatio Cornblower

Just made waffles and am considering going back to bed anyway.

scotchnaut

My heart goes out to all those French folks that had plans to drive to their local patisserie this morning.

“Mon dieu! They’re cycling again? They just did this same thing last year around this time!”

scotchnaut

[crosses fingers] “Don’t give the women’s winner a dish… Don’t give the women’s winner a dish… Don’t give the women’s winner a dish… AWW, CRAP!”

herodotus450
herodotus450

Second place gets a vacuum cleaner smh

scotchnaut

Simona Halep has won. They’re dancing in the streets of [wanders over to wiki] Sibiu!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I remember watching video of her from over a decade ago before she got the breast reduction. It’s cool that worked out for her.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[immediately hires Simona Halep to teach him how to finish Serena off in less than an hour]

– Alexis Ohanian

scotchnaut

Tour De France Update:

Not a single rider is yelling “Wheeeee!” while the peloton coasts down this mountain.

scotchnaut

Me: “Pffttt! Halep barely held serve.”

Also Me: [is lazily licking soft serve]

scotchnaut

Tour De France Update:

The countryside is still lovely. Some rider’s legs might be sore after the race.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Damn, I forgot to invest in hypodermic blood transfusion needles before the race.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS NET CORD I CALL IT AN ALABAMA JUDGE BECAUSE IT CLAIMS IT DOESN’T SEE COLOR BUT FOR SOME REASON TREATED SIMONA HALEP MORE FAVORABLY THAN SERENA WILLIAMS.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I cannot help myself from thinking that Simona Halep has a harelip, even though she absolutely does not.

herodotus450
herodotus450

comment image?itok=bRTNA2Zf×tamp=1558359369

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Today is arms day in the gym for me. I should probably tape that photo up as motivation.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I did the same, but because it’s boob day for me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh right, I forgot that was her!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

scotchnaut

So strange. I don’t have belN but in my travels I found a throwaway channel that is devoted exclusively to World Cup cricket.

/related: In the 1,000+ community of Valemount, BC, Judy O. is celebrating a birthday and Bites and Bikes* is open at 9am.

*not a sponsored comment

ballsofsteelandfury

I think the channel you are thinking of us called Willow.

Which is weird, because all I can think about is the lesbian from Buffy The Vampire Slayer
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s all you think about like 40% of the time