It’s the start of another week. Hopefully you all had a good weekend. Congratulations to LemonJello for correctly guessing the Sexy Friday hidden theme. His guess was “Is the theme that we can’t see their faces? OR it’s that THEY DON’T HAVE FACES!”
The AFL Beat will take over the Sexy Friday slot next Friday, but we’ll have another hidden theme ready for Friday After Next, which incidentally is the best of the Friday movies.
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The Week in DFO
Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:
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found a funny:
Up until 100 years ago being a doctor was a breeze. They didn’t need to know anything. Oh you have a cough? Eat cocaine maybe. You have smallpox? That sucks. You’re alive past 30? Lmao no you aren’t.
rockindog
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He was so awesome! He banged the madam instead of the regular prostitutes on that isolated island.*
*this is not mentioned on his Wiki page
scotchnaut
That is a terrible omission of an emission.
Moose
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Mona – Designated driver
Frida – will dance atop the bar
Aphrodite – Way hot for this bar
Shelley Duval – herself
Don T
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The way I see it is this:
European football resuming play is like fucking a high-priced escort with a condom.
The NFL and MLB are proposing to have unprotected sex with crack whores.
The NHL and NBA are proposing to have sex with crack whores, but wear condoms.
There’s a risk of getting an STD from any of those situations, but some are riskier than others.
(Ok, it’s not the greatest analogy, but I’m trying to steer this back to the core expertise of DFO.)
Dunstan
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“We don’t know if ballsofsteelandfury has chemical weapons in his secret bunker, or as he calls it, his garage, but we also don’t know that we don’t know if he has chemical weapons.”
herodotus450
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In hindsight, it seems like it was a bad idea for the Abrahamic religions to all have the same holy city
Gratliff
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I have been drinking. And so on.
But I feel like I should say how much I love this place, even though I’m more of a lurker than anything else. I laugh a lot reading these posts, and laughter is not always easy to come by. The writing is awesome and I am often in awe. Because that’s how awesome works.
I have been drinking.
Dolph Ucker
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So I’ve been watching this whole AFL thing for the last 3 weeks and holy shit is it fun! How come no one told me about it for so long?!
Man, go fucking Eagles! I watched that game against Collingwood last night and it feels really, really good to FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE root for a team that is a favorite.
Low Commander
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Fuck the Flyers, but god damn Gritty is a national treasure.
Sharkbait
International. They actually put that one on the way to Scotia Bank Arena.
Gratliff
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I’m glad we know see who’s the Admins and Editors. Now, I’ll know whose asses to kiss for favors, and whose asses to kiss for fun.
Redshirt
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Buddy’s status on the site must be “Add Men”, amirite?
scotchnaut
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[logs on to site]
[is frightened and confused]
-Sam Darnold, Unfrozen Caveman QB
scotchnaut
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Brick promised he would release his tax returns!
herodotus450
Worst. Bookcase. Ever.
/obligatory
scotchnaut
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Today on my mail route I was flagged down by a woman who looked to be pushing 80, asking for an extra one of those Tuesday ads that provide us all with precious Burger King coupons. She started to speak after I gave her the ad but was tripping on her words, and she then told me that I looked so handsome she lost her train of thought. It was honestly the nicest compliment I’ve ever received.
Only the fifth best blowjob though.
Porky Prime
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I don’t want to alarm anyone but I got a lap dance from Blaze Riorden a week ago Tuesday. He told me, ‘Listen honey, a 43% save percentage isn’t gonna pay the bills very much longer and my dad just cut off my boat shoes allowance!’.
/I gave him a tenner and told him there’s plenty of room for improvement
scotchnaut
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Porterhouse steak? Check.
Martini? Imminent
Red wine? Choosing my victim
Heart and liver disease? Also fairly imminent.
I REGRET NOTHING
Dunstan
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Will Herman Cain recover from COVID? Nein Nein Nein
Sharkbait
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found a funny:
Genie: you have three wishes
Me: i wish you were Dory from Finding Nemo
Dory: done
Me:
Dory: you have three wishes
rockindog
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Danger Taboo Region should definitely be a t shirt!!!
Litre_cola
I was thinking panties.
Balls
No surprise there.
LemonJello
ColoUr me shocked.
Litre_cola
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Clearly, the theme is that none of these nice ladies have ever been in my kitchen.
LemonJello
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Trigger warning – my worstest ex-gf is like a Big Lots knockoff of what this delightful woman looks like.
/YES that is why I ignored all the obvs warning signals
King Hippo
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What the fuck is wrong with you besides the obvious? May you be starving with only mayo available.
Moose
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Who hates Billy Idol? And what the hell is wrong with them?
Beastmode Ate My Baby
People that thought twbs had good taste in music?
Balls
Talk about a unicorn with shit taste.
Horatio
A German Unicorn?
Moose
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Nice melons.
Viva La Tabula Raza
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That’s gonna chafe.
Horatio
“It lifts and separates and then it rubs the lotion on its skin…”
scotchnaut
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Orders are all done. End of Month was not bad.
Spur
Did anyone order any Billy Idol CDs!?!?
Horatio
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And we have a winner for Litre.
Litre_cola
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His safe word is “Billy Idol”
Horatio
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If someone mentions Julianne Hough two more times, the ghost of twbs wil rise up and tell us about a spinner waitress he bedded once that looked a lot like her.
Balls
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They could be… you just need to have that second window open. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t “share desktop with others.”
Dunstan
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Manfred: You kids stop getting Covid or I will TURN THIS CAR AROUND RIGHT NOW.
monty this seems strange to me
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Switching to gin for the second period
Sharkbait
I gots my cup but I ain’t pitched in.
King Hippo
This type of shit happens all the time.
Horatio
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Unrelated, what’s this I was hearing that the MLB may stop on Monday?!
bk109
Turns out, an infectious disease runs rampant in a clubhouse.
Mr. Ayo
Yes, yes, we all remember what happened when tWBS brought chlamydia into the DFO clubhouse…
RTD
Uh, you’re supposed to capitalize her name. Show some respect for tWBS’s favorite stripper. I think she spelled it Klamidia.
Dunstan
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Here’s this week’s Balls’ Choice from Request Line:
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Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. Have a good week, everyone!
Now im hungry for da burger
For the record, and I may have mentioned this before, I have two ideas to solve peace in the Middle East. The first is a three-state solution, that basically says “Okay, now nobody gets to have Jerusalem, it becomes its own city-state.”
The second is that every person on Earth dies, or as I call it, a zero-state solution. I’m not rooting for that one but I believe it is infinitely more likely.
Until Jordan settles their Billy Idol CD issue, I don’t see anything being resolved.
Really missed the chance to make a good/turrible “Rock the Cradle of Civilization” joke here. Damn it.
Your second idea is #trending.
I think this is my favorite weekly feature, because it makes me realize that I absolutely do not catch every clever post made on this site.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPu4aUY8uDE
ah yes. We shall all remember, to our bones, the Great Two-Hour Billy Idol War of 2020. If nothing else from this ho-hum year.
I suppose now is a bad time to mention that I just made a grilled cheese sandwich using mayo. (It works great. And the mayo is homemade.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPwZaQfoIbU
I feel he was a little rude to Frank Sinatra here, though:
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-sinatra-group/n10008
That’s pretty funny.
It’s been a while since I watched the whole thing. Interesting that in 1991, SNL was still willing to use the “f-word” for gay people.
Shit. DIdn’t realize the games started at noon. It’s not too late for the Rags to forfeit the series.
Lot going on here
Not really very much going on here. She’ll just be transferred to another mega-church.
Looks like any Alabama cousin reunion I have ever heard of…
Go Ice Bombers!
Raptors point guard Malcolm Lowry playing like the floor is a volcano.
/watching the Raptors
So weird seeing a well-run sports franchise in Toronto.
I havent looked at the score pf the Rangers game but I have a good idea what’s going on from the komments.
As soon as they mentioned that fucking playoff hat trick stat, I knew that was coming.
?itemid=9081067
Game. Set. Matchnikov.
I’m really impressed with the turnout for the Canis Lupus edition of Request Line. I worried that the topic would be too thin, but the Commentist Party proved me wrong.
If you actually wanted a thin turnout you could ask for ‘Favourite Billy Idol tunes’.
A thin minty turnout!
That’s NOT Mayo…
This would be a thin selection.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=677zUCoqg_k
That’s the good stuff. As a tribute, I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
I CALL THESE HURRICANES ‘SHAKESPEARE BRINGING A COPY OF HAMLET TO THE GLOBE THEATER’ BECAUSE THEY’RE CARRYING THE PLAY.
LOL. This may get me to watch Ballers if they do that.
I’m disappointed that I didn’t provide enough kontent that I only have one image up there.
I promise to look at any pics that you post of the perty wimmins.
Rangers Coach: “TIMEOUT! TIMEOUT! Okay boys, gather round. We suck, anybody got any ideas?”
Players: [look at each other]
Captain: “Play…better?”
Coach: “Atta boy! Okay guys, PLAY BETTER!”
Players: “Woo! You got it, coach!”
Narrator’s Voice: “They did not play better.”
/post-game presser
Coach: [exasperated tone] “I told them to play better, and they agreed. But then they didn’t!?”
Atta boy, Hank! Old man still has some reflexes.
Glove save, and a beauty!
/let’s go rainjuhs
Hockey? Early on a Monday afternoon? Don’t mind if I do!
Monday morning for us West Coasters!
Hockey in the background while working is awesome!
Ok so ‘Gansett Shandy and Gin didn’t work for game 1. Regular ‘gansett and then maybe bourbon for game 2.