Substitute Saturday Morning Open Thread.

Picture it. Seventy fifth minute, your star midfielder pulls up lame due to a hamstring. The surly manager looks down the bench, eyes the road weary player-coach, and contemplates his options. “Well blimey, we ain’t got no one else. Litre, you’re doing the Sabado thread”

“Skip, I have been drinking and am kind of stoned.” (Moreso now)

“Shut up you pale bastard and get in there.”

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Good morning, ’tis I the late game substitute for this morning. Hippo has pulled up lame and well, I have a lot of shit to say!

Let’s take a look at what Decilitre will wake me up for in a scant 5 hours.

The early tilt in Hippo-ese is The Barcodes vs Chelski (They don’t even play in that neighboUrhood!) Peacock Premium 6:30 DFO time. 

I would be remiss if I didn’t add that Hippo thinks Franck Lampard is a Tory cunt. He’s correct, also really needs to let out his pants a bit, we ain’t be needin to see the frank AND beans.

Newcastle is in 13th and at the beginning of the season I figured they would be further down the table. They have a shit owner who puts nothing into the team and the fans loathe him. As for Chelsea, they are scary good and I believe the bastards will challenge for the title this year. The additions that they have made have already provided impact. Pulsilic is banged up but they’re deeper than Mandingo.

Next game up is Villa vs the Seagulls. NBCSN  9:00 DFO time

Ole Jack Grealish has certainly been playing well this year. He’s a lying drunkdriving prick, but like in North America it doesn’t matter as long as you are good on the field. I would like Villa to win this one as I see Brighton being in the relegation zone with Fulham come spring. Brighton has had their time in the sun, back down with you.

OOOOOHH next one up is Spurs v Citeh. NBC 11:30 DFO time

I should be back from grocery shopping by then and this has the makings of a phenomenal bout. (Will end in a twbs)

Call me crazy, but I think that this is the year Spurs challenges Citeh, Reds, Chelski for the title. There is something about how Jose has transformed this team with his new signings but still keeping the attacking core. Adding Gareth “the golfer” Bale seems to paying dividends as he is rejuvinated and wants to play. In all of futbol I think Son is my favoUrite player to watch right now. He is electric on and off the ball and he runs so smoothly it is impressive.

As for Citeh they have a boat load of injuries but are so deep Guardiola ain’t care. Mendy, Fernandinho, Ake, Sterling, and Aguero have ouchies, but Manchester City is so rich, and so deep that they can run out another world class 11 and not flinch.

Next up is Wakezilla’s United v West Brom. Peacock Premium 14:00 DFO time

If Ole gets his ass handed to him in this game he is as good as gone. Personally, I need United to wake the hell up here. How the hell can they have that much talent and be so useless? Manchester United the global icon, is in lowly 14th position in the table. For a club with their pedigree and bankroll that is utterly pathetic. Their back line continues to be a question mark and they have class midfielders who can’t play together. They signed the Dutch kid to 40 million and Ole doesn’t even start him! Bad decision after bad decision will lead to his demise.

I really enjoy Pogba playing for France and in my opinion he needs to move to the continent where he will thrive once again, I feel that the English game bottlenecks him and he doesn’t have enough room to operate.

West Brom is with the likes of Burnley, Brighton, and the London Jaguras for the three that are going down. ONLY 1 SURVIVES.

The DFO match of the week happens Sunday morning when Hippo’s Evertonians make a trip to Craven Cottage to take on the Mighty Fulham. This game happens early but I guarantee we will both be up, coffee in hand, and bitching at each other. Fulham really needs a point from this game. They are in dire form and the drive for 17th continues. I am going to spare you my rage today as I am so tired of caring for a yo-yo club. I was happier when they were a league below and could go into every game and expect a chance at a win.

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In other futbol news. SCOTLAND IS IN THE FUCKING EUROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/checks earpiece

Oh, apparently there is thing going around called Coronavirus so travel to Scotland for the matches is not allowed for now.

It has been since ’99 since the Saltire has flown at an international tournament. The Tartan Army is jacked, the expats are jacked, the diaspora is jacked. In true Scotland fashion they will lose all three matches but as they say, No Scotland, No Party.

The Scots are always the butt of European futbol jokes in the UK, as even the Northern Irish have been to a Euros. Hell, I was at the Northern Irish’s 1st game and reader I can tell you it was a hell of a party! (there was a post from 2016 but it’s long gone) The final qualifier game against Serbia went to  penalty kicks after in true Scottish fashion they gave up a goal in the 90th minute. I watched extra time nervously pacing in my living room. I was tense, however Fulham striker Alexandr Mirtrovic did me a favoUr and was stopped by hero David Marshall. The same David Marshall who stonewalled Barcelona in 2003 when I was hit with a police baton in Glasgow after the game!

These reactions are pure. I was screaming, and I was alone.

Seriously though I am still insanely jacked that they qualified. Right after qualification they went out in their next two international matches and lost them both. They have not changed. In Euro 2021 they get 3 games and due to Euro 2020 being an anniversary with games all over, they get all 3 games in Great Britain. Two they get at home against the Czechs and the Croats and then they get a trip to Wembley to take on the English. DFO, we need Scotland to win that game just to stand back and watch what happens. Both fanbases would turn that place into 1970 it would be amazing.

I leave you with,