Instant Hippo Thoughts – Wild Card Sunday, 2021 Season

You know what is great in life?  Naps.  OK, and cats.  Cats also LOVE it when you abide by their schedule and nap during the day.  I napped for the entire duration of MRSA 31, Iggles 15.  I regret nothing.

That means I woke up in time for what promised to be the best game of the day.  And I guess it kind of, sort of delivered (thanks to the alternatives), though ample derpitude was on display.  Santa Clara basically inverted their Week 18 performance, coming out shit hot – then limping down the stretch.  The first Tomsulas punt came at halfway through Q3, but they only had 16 points on the board.  I thought this could be important, but with the score later 23-7, I kind of let that thought go.

But Dallas kicked a long FG (rather than go for it on 4th down), and Bad Jeanine did her thing – throwing an awful pickerception in…unadvantageous field position.  For once, the Non-Gendereds made their lucky break count, and it was 23-17.

Santa Clara proceeded to take most of the time off the clock.  Really stupid DAL pennos helped, none more than defensive holding on a SF run play, which meant 3 running plays would take us to around 35 seconds before the next N-GCp possession.  And Deebo Samuel – who absolutely carved the home side apart – made a bitching run to the 37, seemingly ending the game.

Full credit to Commentist clint greasewood – Deebo Does Dallas.

But replay found him an INCH short, Tomsulas then not getting set for a procedure penalty (before a QB sneak easily got said inch).  So, they punted through the end zone, 32 seconds and no timeouts.  No big deal, right?

Wrong.  They allowed easy chunk plays, and easy chunk plays that got out of bounds.  Dallas had it on the Tomsulas’ 40, with like 14 seconds to play – and they got too cute.  Dak! ran a wide-open QB draw, but waited too long to slide AND failed to find the official for a quick spot.  Keystone Kops ensued, there was no timely snap, and play ended on the 23-yard line.  See you in GB next week, Tomsulas.  See you in front of ALL THE ICED CREAM, Captain BlueBunny.

So…SNF, Kansas City favoUred by like 100 points against The Ben and crew.  Coach Epps, as ever earning his paycheck and making this meh roster cromunlent performers – kept the Chefs scoreless for the first quarter and a half.  Not only that, TJ Watt managed to break the clean sheet with a fumble return of his own, leading to all white male sportsball media to cream their respective pants.  7-0 PIT.

Apparently, Mahomes and the Chefs’ offense just needed a slap in the space.  They scored FIVE TDs on the next FIVE consecutive possessions – before the Yinzers managed so much as a FIRST DOWN of their own.  After that, it was just back and forth with the garbage time scoring, as the Chefs cruised to a 42-21 win and a sure home loss* to Buffalo next weekend.

*reminder/disclaimer – Hippo is almost always wrong

RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and Qards Monday night, to finish the road.  Only Arizona has a chance against the MRSA fuckholes, so Go Qards!