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All Hail Tory C–t Frank Lampard!!

King Hippo

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,

You may remember Hippo (and/or Other Hippo) saying things like:

Not all Tories are cunts, and not all cunts are Tories.  But Frank Lampard is a Tory Cunt.

Well, fuck it.  Now he’s OUR Tory Cunt, and I welcome him to Merseyside, without reservation.  You see, when you endure 6 months of Useless Fuckwit (and Redshite, which is like 100x worse than being the most unreconstructed Tory) Rafa Benitez?  Then a wholly unqualified interim “club legend” sticking with the archaic 4-4-2 in a home loss to Villa?  I’d be damned near #UpForWhatever, and in truth – Lampard’s a better shout than that.

From all my readings this week, as he come into focus as the only plausible candidate that wasn’t ridiculous – Lampard is thoughtful, calm, and always nice to his players.  He is direct, doesn’t play favoUrites, and of the “modern” style of management.  He sure as fuck ought to have ideas on how to re-jjigger Everton’s landmine-of-shit midfield.

My body is ready.  Let’s see an Everton side that looks like footballers of this century.  Fuck’s sake, maybe one that actually builds – sustainably – to some long-term goals.  Of course…no Prem action this weekend.  Mighty Whitey will continue its assault on the Championship, along with various other miscellany (French cup, etc.).

State plays U*NC is hoopsball today, but I will watch the Afrikan Euros instead.  Burkina Faso, coup and all, is in the Afrikan Flacco Eight – and in action at 2p EST.  I think I have to find a stream, because BeIn sucks all the ass in a no-it’s-not-positive-BALLS way.

What else do y’all have going on, as we await the glory that is Championship Sunday?

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clint greasewood

hhh

Last edited 4 years ago by clint greasewood
0
scotchnaut

No one saw this coming-Damon “Bucketful Full of Trouble” Arnette, who was dropped by the Raiders after going the “death threats on video” route, was picked up by the Chiefs (of course) and was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon this morning.

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/33173483/kansas-city-chiefs-cut-damon-arnette-arrest-las-vegas-gun-drug-charges

Last edited 4 years ago by scotchnaut
3
Horatio Cornblower

Andy Reid’s commitment to never finding a bar so low he won’t crawl under it is truly stunning.

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scotchnaut

I CALL ANDY REID “THE KARDASHIAN SISTERS” BECAUSE HE JUST LOVES THOSE BAD BOYS.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Which is even more incredible considering his gigantic belly.

2
scotchnaut

Senators outshooting the Ducks 2-1 and losing 2-1. Ironic symmetry sucks.

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King Hippo

Playing without keepers, then?

0
Senor Weaselo

Someone call Ron Paul because IT’S HAPPENING
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/33173652/tom-brady-retiring-22-seasons-seven-super-bowl-wins-new-england-patriots-tampa-bay-buccaneers-sources-say

Alternately the sources are lying which would be even funnier.

Last edited 4 years ago by Senor Weaselo
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Horatio Cornblower

Truly New England is a cursed hell hole.

Now, what’s all this about Brady retiring?

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King Hippo

This would be a truly great day, if only NC State were not playing hoopsball (but I kept my word and haven’t watched one iota).

0
Dunstan

“Actually, what I said was, I’m retiring from the stock market and putting all my funds into crypto!” — Troll Genius Tom

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Fronkenshteen

There’s no way Sadio Mané plays tomorrow, right?

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Cecil Rhodes

I suppose it depends on how much he wants to learn about Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (his side is playing Equitable Guinea, after all!). The Senegalese could certainly use him if they are hoping to avoid a penalty shootout!

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Fronkenshteen

That clash of heads last match was horrifying, though. He HAS to still be experiencing concussion symptoms. Liverpool must be gnashing their teeth that he was allowed to continue for ten minutes before collapsing and staggering off the pitch.

1
King Hippo

In this year of the Snoop Dogg over-exposure halftime show, should iur beloved Burkinabe be referred to as Bur-Fizzle?

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Fronkenshteen

You were right about BeIn Sports Xtra. My feed currently has no sound. I have happily replaced it with Thelonius Monk. Finally have good weed & my wife just bought an espresso maker.
I think the amazing games streak the NFL has going continues straight on through tomorrow. I think I’m rooting for a Rams v Bengals Owl with Stafford finally winning one. Talk about a guy who did his time. Yeesh. I’d love to see him standing there with confetti falling all around him like the rain on Andy Dufresne when he finally tumbled out of the shit pipe.

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King Hippo

BeIn Sports 3 (after much F5) re-loaded for me and has English commentary today! What a cracker from the Burkinabe.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

First there’s maths, now there’s spelling to do here too? WTF? I was told there would be none of this crap

4
Sharkbait

What is this? Countdown?

1
King Hippo

no wonder ur truckers are so ticked off smh

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King Hippo

I like to imagine these White Devil coaches at the Afrikan Euros are slaves, working off their reparations bill.

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Horatio Cornblower

It’s a nice thought, but it seems more likely a corrupt autocrat is paying them millions that could be better spent on things like education, healthcare, or just a decent paved road.

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Senor Weaselo

“Why have any of those things when you could have military presence?” -The Pentagon

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Cecil Rhodes

My hypothesis is that these white devil managers get tricked into staying in an African nation on their way to another, more civilized nation. Here is how I see the scenario playing out:

Lost White Devil Manager (speaking to a “local” in a Kampala marketplace): Good day, former British subject! I’m trying to find my way to Melbourne. How do I get there from here?

Kampala Local (who is actually the head of the Ugandan FA): Greetings, sir! Yes, Melbourne is a wonderful place — almost as nice as Kampala! In order to leave the country, you must first sign this contract. Now, before you leave, we invite you to watch our boys play against Eritrea this afternoon. We have saved you the best seat in the house — right on the bench next to the players!

3
Horatio Cornblower

Frustrating thing about this storm is that I can’t get out and hike. If I put on snowshoes or the skis I’m taking a couple of strides and then skidding into bare grass or exposed pavement. if I just put on boots I take a couple of steps and right into a 2′ snowdrift.

DO SOMETHING, CONGRESS!!

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2Pack

HR69, would issue crampons to all, SR666 funds igloos. Lets just let the system work people.

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Cecil Rhodes

My word! We have made it to the quarterfinals of the AFCON! There is so much to be discussed! Do put on your reading glasses once again!

The Divine Nation of GAMBLOR vs. The Indomitable LioUNs: This is perhaps the worst case scenario for the home side, as they are not only up against oddsmakers, but also GAMBLOR himself! There is almost no doubt that this contest will go to penalties (it is presently 0-0 at halftime) — I know who I will be putting my shillings on once we get there!

Squad of Dishonest Men vs. Tatooine: Though the sand people have demonstrated their incredible resolve throughout the tournament, I predict that the Burkinabe barbarians will roll through their ranks like Erwin Rommel’s tanks during the Siege of Tobruk. This one figures to be a bloody contest with lots of cards.

Sultanate of Egypt vs. Atlas LioUns: I am extremely confident that our fine British forces from Cairo will advance deep into Moroccan territory at least once today. The question is — will they be able to land the blow that is required to advance to the next round? They will need to do whatever they can to keep the LioUns at bay for 90 minutes — fortunately, rumour has it that there is no better lion tamer in all of Egypt than Mo Salah.

French Senegal vs. Equatorial (Equitable?) Guinea: This should be a cakewalk for the merchants of Dakar, but if the Equitable Guineans stall out the Senagalese with a 90 minute long keynote lecture on Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion, then this match will be a coin flip conducted from the penalty spot. The Senegalese players should keep their ear plugs in so that they can stay focused on the task at hand.

My colleagues at Royal Dutch Shell just struck oil off of the coast of South West Africa this week. I hope they don’t forget that they will need to go through Walvis Bay (a Cape Colony possession) before they ship it to market!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Been waiting for this! Excellent work, as always, good sir!

3
Dunstan

Truly, this gentleman should fund a scholarship program of some sort, so that others may achieve similar levels of erudition.

3
litre_cola

Thank you Sir.

The Whites have been exploited at the cottage by a Black Pool. It isn’t pretty sir.

3
Horatio Cornblower

This is why Critical Race Theory needs to be banned from our K-12 schools.

2
Cecil Rhodes

Drat! This is truly disappointing news. That said, I do have a question — what did you expect when you invited a Black Pool into your cottage? These are outcomes we have known about for centuries — misfortunes like these can be prevented!

5
litre_cola

Our stout defenses may have had a raucoUs evening on the mead and women of less repute and let their guard down.

2
Brick Meathook

So let me get this straight:

Canadian truck drivers are protesting a new mandate that they have to show proof of COVID vaccination to return to Canada from the U.S., yet these same truckers already had to show proof of COVID vaccination to cross into the U.S. in the first place.

Is this right?

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Last edited 4 years ago by Brick Meathook
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litre_cola

Yes. And mandates are provincial as well.

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Gumbygirl

You’re not looking for LOGIC in these plague days, are you? That was the first thing to die.

1
King Hippo

Fine work by the Afrikan Euros pervy cameraman finding the smokeshow white girl in the crowd!

Last edited 4 years ago by King Hippo
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scotchnaut

I’ve no choice but to be a Brian Dayballer given that he was born in Canada (Welland, Ontario) and we share a birthday as well.

1
Horatio Cornblower

And he’s coaching the Giants for at least the next couple of years.

0
King Hippo

Fighter of the Nightballer!

1
Brick Meathook

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Dunstan

More Scotties hotties curling action coming up at 11am Best Coast time. Curling-wise, Team Canada (Einarson) vs. Team Ontario is probably the best of the early matchups.

Aesthetically speaking, Team Canada also features DFO favorite Shannon Birchard. But the Alberta-Quebec matchup gives us the smoldering Laura Walker against the adorable Laurie St. Georges.

1
Sharkbait

Ok, calm down WHDH.

1
2Pack

Jeez… a little bit of snow and everyone loses thier mind…

3
Horatio Cornblower

“OK, now you at least have my attention.”

-Houston

/gonna beat this joke harder than the locals are beating this storm.

4
rockingdog

Found a cool;

Hong Kong’s Kowloon peninsula 1964 – 2016

B2E5F00D-DDAA-48F4-A273-D36E4D9C8098.jpeg
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t traveled extensively in Asia but the times I’ve been I’m completely blown away by the urban density. You’ve got these massive residential buildings and they just go on and on. Literally hundreds of them stacked up next to each other.

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Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait

I see BFC beat me to the Roethlisberger slander this morning. Well done sir.

Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait
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rockingdog

Found a funny;

on one hand eating an entire sleeve of girl scout cookies for lunch is probably unhealthy, but on the other hand, you gotta support the troops

4
Horatio Cornblower

Just tucked in trying to survive a howling blizzard, where we could get snowfall totals of as much as 7″-18″.

Not to get all “get off my lawn” here, but when I was a kid this storm would warrant a school cancellation, and not breathless 24 hours news coverage on every local station. Although the hysteria on display is oddly hypnotic, and likely drives ratings through the roof.

3
Sharkbait

WCVB up here was doing a 5 person box last night during the 11pm newscast. A little overboard

1
Horatio Cornblower

“5 person box? Pfft!”
-Houston

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“7″? Pfft. In your dreams.” – Brett Favre

1
herodotus450

I’ll take a snow storm over endless coverage of small childrens’ fates, either male and Cuban or female and beauty pagentress.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Where the hell do you live!?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

AlbuquerQue.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Shoulda taken that left.

2
Gumbygirl

When the hell does he live?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Living in a town with a letter late in the alphabet (W) was the fucking *worst*. I’d have to listen on the radio through an entire set of cancellations (“Danbury…closed. East Hartford…closed) to find out all we got was a shitty half-hour delay.

2
Sharkbait

WICC was our jam during snowstorms

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’m a fan, too!” – expecting mother

1
Horatio Cornblower

My wife was working as a medical assistant when pregnant with our first. One of her co-workers told her not to forget to apply for WIC and another one, in a tone that implied my wife was some kind of whore for finding herself in this situation, said “Oh, she doesn’t neeeeeeeeeed to: her husband’s a laaaaaaawwwwwyyyyyerrrrrr.”

Nearly 24 years later and I still think that’s fucked up.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, you don’t get rich by turning down free stuff.

2
litre_cola

Mitro early. Too easy that.

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litre_cola

The Trump stupid has spread North.

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herodotus450

why did jesus come back to earth and plant all those pools of oil under the ground if he didn’t want us to dig them up 2000 years later and use it?

4
King Hippo

inorite SUCK IT libtards!!!!

0
Sharkbait

Is Jesus unleaded?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw it referred to today as a Qonvoy and was quite amused.

3
King Hippo

also, not that there’s anything WRONG with that – but these folk went for a pretty homoerotic Jesus pic, eh?

1
Senor Weaselo

I have no idea if this movie was any good (probably not). But it had sexy Jesus!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzwJTOogKyc

0
Horatio Cornblower

I thought that movie was quietly great. Absolutely hysterical in parts.

0
Horatio Cornblower

The Onion don’t miss.

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0
litre_cola

Yes, Mighty Whitey has been on a tear scoring 22 goals in 4 games. Howevah! The Blackpoolers are and have will continue to be a fixture where we look Fulhamish.

A reminder that Margot Robbie is Fulham til she dies.

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King Hippo

Holy cats, HALL OF FAME SHOULDERS!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzZjG9B9_Ug

3
2Pack

Well yes…

nice looking.gif
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rockingdog

That’s Rocking!

1
2Pack

Since there are no games here today I will limit my input to the subject… authors note: It is much more difficult to find hawt Brit fans than it is to find hawt Series A gals… I tell ya… lots of young ladies in coats up there.

MAIN-Everton-Sylvija-Vasilevska.jpg
2
King Hippo

Again, this comes to mind:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X61BVv6pLtw

2
TheRevanchist

I can’t read Hippo at 3:30 in the morning. Maybe after 3 hours of sleep it will make more sense to me.

2
King Hippo

Narrator: It would NOT make more sense later.

8
litre_cola

The Hippo text messages read my by car are the BEST. 0 clue what the computer lady is talking about.

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