The scene: A used car lot in Key West, where Future Moose, Old School Zero and Marc Trestmans Windowless Van are perusing the inventory.

OSZ: I dunno, guys…I’m not seeing anything really fuel-efficient here.

Future Moose (checking out a 1977 Chevy van with a wizard painted on the side): This might work. It’s big enough for all of us.

OSZ: Seriously? That’s gotta be a gas-hog.

Future Moose: Look, we’re not going to find a Prius here. If we’re lucky we might find a…

OSZ (spotting a Smart For2): Hey! There we go! What do you think?

Future Moose: I think we’d have to strap Marc to the hood, and there goes your mileage.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Awesome, dude!

OSZ (discouraged): Man, I can’t believe Wolfman Rob stole my Prius. I really liked that car.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I know what you mean, man. One time I, like, had this awesome bong. Like it was even signed by Woody Harrelson, man!

OSZ: And someone stole it?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Someone stole my bong?  Aw, that’s a total bummer, man!

OSZ: Marc, what’s the point of your story?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (confused): What story, man?

Future Moose (sighing): Look, this is the fifth lot we’ve been to. I don’t want to pressure you, OSZ, but…

Suddenly Future Moose spots a Plum 1969 Dodge Charger R/T and rushes over to it.

Future Moose (excited): Bimmons’ Balls! Do you know what this is?

OSZ (walking over): A car?

Future Moose: A car? Just a car? That’s like calling the Mona Lisa a painting.

OSZ: Well, it kind of is.

Future Moose (looking inside the Charger): Heathen. This is a work of art, OSZ.

OSZ: It was also built when you could probably spend three bucks to fill it up. No.

Future Moose (climbing on the hood and hugging the Charger): It must be mine!

Chad the Salesman (approaching rapidly): HeythereI’mChad! Wowyousureknowyourcars! Onlyoneowener, newtrannygreatsuspension. Hey! Let’sgetthepaperssignedandshe’sallyours!

Future Moose: Sounds great!

OSZ: No. Sorry, Chad, we’re just looking.

Chad the Salesman: Heygreatletmeshowyoua2015Mustangwegotinyesterday!

OSZ: No, thanks. We’re looking for something a bit more…fuel efficient.

Future Moose (still hugging the Charger): No we’re not!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (staring off into space): Guys…

OSZ: Yes, we are.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (still staring): Guys…

Future Moose: This car loves me! I can tell!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (more insistent): Guys…

OSZ: What, Marc?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: It’s…time.

Future Moose (hopping off the Charger): Already? We’ll never make it back to the motel.

OSZ: We’ve got to try…

Future Moose (grabbing Chad): Chud…

Chad the Salesman: Chad!

Future Moose: Whatever. Do you have a TV here?

Chad: Wehadatelevisionintheloungebutitbrokelastmonth…

OSZ: Streaming! It’s streaming, too!

Future Moose (shaking Chad): A computer! You have a computer, don’t you?

Chad: SureIhaveoneinmyoffice! HeyfunnythingIhavethepapersfortheChargerintheretoo!

Future Moose (tucking Chad under his arm and running for the office): C’mon, guys! There’s no time to lose!

OSZ (grabbing Marc Trestmans Windowless Van and following Moose): We’re cutting it close…

Cut to: A Las Vegas hotel room. There are two queen beds. Otto’s Brain is bouncing up and down on one of them. Moosemas Gorilla comes in with Horatio Cornblower on his shoulder and collapses on the other. Doktor Zymm is bringing up the rear, carrying all the luggage.

Otto’s Brain (bouncing): Whee!

Doktor Zymm (dropping all the luggage): Horatio, zank your ape for all his help.

Horatio Cornblower: Sorry, Zymm. He was kind of royalty in his own era. He’s not really big on manual labor.

Moosemas Gorilla (picking up the TV remote): Ook!

Otto’s Brain: Hey, these beds are great! Wonder if I can bounce high enough to touch the ceiling…

Doktor Zymm: I’m hungry. Ve should go out for zomezing to eat.

Moosemas Gorilla: Ook! Ook-ook!!!

Horatio Cornblower: Holy cow, he’s right! Don’t you guys realize what day it is?

Otto’s Brain: Nah. I gave up on the concept of time when I woke up as a disembodied brain in a globe full of alcohol. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m immortal now anyway.

Horatio Cornblower: But it’s…The Day.

Doktor Zymm: Mein gott! Ve had been driving zo long, I almost forgot!

Otto’s Brain: Quick! Turn it on!

Doktor Zymm (getting out her phone): I vill order out for dinner.

Horatio Cornblower: Call the Swabby Sloop. And make sure to get a Galleon of fries.

Moosemas Gorilla: Ook.

Horatio Cornblower: Sorry. Two Galleons.

Otto’s Brain: This is so exciting…

Cut to: The DFO clubhouse. The gang’s all here (well, those that aren’t spread out over several states on their own strange adventures) and they have the TV on. WCS, Sill Bimmons, Darkest Timeline Zach Morris and Low Commander of the Super Soldiers are all jammed onto the couch.

WCS: This is going to be great!

Sill Bimmons: Verily, mine ally, this year shall the Burg of Pitts make wise decisions, and in so doing reign victorious!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers: So why don’t teams just clone their best players?

DTZM: Well, after the Clone Wars, Emperor Palpatine forbade teams from using clone technology.

WCS: Right. And then he stepped down as Emperor to go and coach the Patriots.

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Lord Revisisle burst in, carrying a disheveled and barely conscious Ballsofsteelandfury. JJ Fozz, wearing only a pair of green pants, follows them in.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: You guys would not believe what happened to us!

DTZM (barely looking up from the couch): Oh, hey guys.

WCS: ‘Sup?

Ballsofsteelandfury (pointing weakly to his chest, where there’s a very large footprint): I got Fozz-stomped.

JJ Fozz: You brought it on yourself, dumbass. You do look worse for wear, though. Hey, Bimmons, maybe you should come over here and check on him.

Sill Bimmons (not even looking): He doth appear fine. And nay, I shall not give up mine place on the couch.

Lord Revisisle and Rikki-Tikki-Deadly deposit Ballsofsteelandfury in a chair at the bar.

Beerguyrob (behind the bar): Balls! Long time, no see! Hey, what’ll you have?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Maybe a…

Beerguyrob: Beer? Comin’ right up!

Ballofsteelandfury shoots a weak finger gun.

Cookiethulhu (squeezing in through the door): There you chaps are! Good show! I almost lost you when we were traipsing through all those yards. Quite the trail of devastation, wot? Made me long a bit for the old days.

Beerguyrob (to Ballsofsteelandfury): Who’s the new guy?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Cookiethulhu. Elder god, from a time of chaos and destruction.

Beerguyrob: Is that so? Well, first one’s on the house, then!

Cookiethulhu: Jolly good! How about a gin & tonic with just a twist of lemon?

Beerguyrob stares at Cookiethulhu.

Cookiethulhu: Or, perhaps…a beer?

Beerguyrob: Comin’ right up!

Lord Revisisle (pulling up a chair): I can’t believe we didn’t miss it, what with the trip to Europe, rushing back to save Balls, getting kidnapped by a deranged girl scout, almost being dismembered by an elder god…

Beerguyrob: Sounds like a good time! Beer?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Quiet, guys, it’s coming on!

Cut to: Chad’s office. Future Moose is sitting on Chad, and he, OSZ and Marc Trestmans Windowless Van are all huddled around the computer monitor.

Announcer (from the monitor): We are back, everyone…

Cut to: Las Vegas traffic, where Pirate Sloth sits in his delivery car listening to the radio.

Announcer (from the radio): And it’s in!

Cut to: A luxury jet. Covalent Blonde is holding up her red & gold cell phone, trying to keep a signal, while King Hippo and Yeah Right look over her shoulder.

Announcer (from the phone): The first pick is in!

Cut to: The Las Vegas hotel room, where Moosemas Gorilla, Horatio Cornblower, Doktor Zymm and Otto’s Brain are all leaning in close to the television.

Announcer (from the TV): And with the very first pick of the 2016 Draft…

Cut to: The DFO clubhouse, where all is silent as the DFOers sit, glued to the TV.

Announcer (from the TV): The Los Angeles Rams…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: I’m never gonna get used to that…

Everyone else: SHH!

Announcer (from the TV):…select…

To be continued…