Sexy Friday – Memorial Day Weekend 2022!

Before we get started with the Sexy, some business to attend to.

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Balls’ Monthly Resolutions May Update!

Resolution #1 – Fitness

The goal is to get to 15% body fat and stay there. I got to 13.6% in April so first part was achieved! The trick now is to keep it below 15%. I am currently at 14% and holding steady. In the meanwhile, I just finished a program and increased my personal bests on 5 lifts including bench, squat, and deadlift. I should note that these PRs are lifetime PRs. I’ve never been as strong in my life as I am now. I didn’t start lifting until after college. Not too shabby if I say so myself. I will be starting another program after the holiday.

Resolution #2 – Literature

The goal is to read 5 new books in 2022. Last month, I was given a book to read for work and I finished that. In addition, I finished “The Little Sister” by Raymond Chandler. So, I had 2 down and 3 to go in April. In May, I got into a reading frenzy. I finished “The Long Goodbye” by Raymond Chandler and then promptly ordered and read two of the Fletch series books by Gregory McDonald (“Confess, Fletch” and “Fletch’s Fortune”). Resolution COMPLETE!

Resolution #3 – Writing

The goal is to create a new series for DFO. I have written it all and you have started reading it. It’s a 7 part series that will finish publishing in June. I hope you are enjoying it so far.

Resolution #4 – Leisure

The goal is to take a week off work with no cell phone availability. Just like last month, I haven’t scheduled anything yet, but I AM taking more vacation time. I’m in a Use It Or Lose It situation, so I’m on vacation every Friday until the end of the fiscal year. Including today. 4 day weekend, bitches!

Resolution #5 – Giving Back

The goal is to perform one act of giving back per month. In April, I didn’t really do anything. Today, as you are reading this, I am volunteering for my high school alma mater to help with their graduation events. I still owe one for April, but at least I’ve got something for every other month.

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EPL Prediction League Results

Way back in 2021, we wrote a group post in which we made predictions for each position in the English Premier League ladder. How close were we? Well take a look at the table below!

You will notice that I have color-coded it. Green means we got the position exactly right. Yellow means we were only 1 position off. Pink means we were REALLY OFF. It was the worst pick for each person.

For some reason, everyone was enamoured with Leeds and they just barely stayed in the Premier League. As always, we are idiots that don’t know anything.

Also, you may think that Horatio did the best because he got 3 green boxes. However, you may also notice that he put three pairs of teams in the same position.

It’s a tossup between Litre and Fronk as to who gets the Gently-Used Fleshlight. I’ll let each punter state their case in the comments and the people will decide.

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And now, some sexy music:

I leave you with this thought for the long weekend:

“Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose designer lingerie, in the vain hope of kicking some life back into a dead relationship. Choose handbags, choose high-heeled shoes, cashmere and silk, to make yourself feel what passes for happy. Choose an iPhone made in China by a woman who jumped out of a window and stick it in the pocket of your jacket fresh from a South-Asian Firetrap. Choose Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram and a thousand others ways to spew your bile across people you’ve never met. Choose updating your profile, tell the world what you had for breakfast and hope that someone, somewhere cares. Choose looking up old flames, desperate to believe that you don’t look as bad as they do…Choose live-blogging, from your first wank ’til your last breath; human interaction reduced to nothing more than data. Choose ten things you never knew about celebrities who’ve had surgery. Choose screaming about abortion. Choose rape jokes, slut-shaming, revenge porn and an endless tide of depressing misogyny. Choose 9/11 never happened, and if it did, it was the Jews. Choose a zero-hour contract and a two-hour journey to work. And choose the same for your kids, only worse, and maybe tell yourself that it’s better that they never happened. And then sit back and smother the pain with an unknown dose of an unknown drug made in somebody’s fucking kitchen. Choose unfulfilled promise and wishing you’d done it all differently. Choose never learning from your own mistakes. Choose watching history repeat itself. Choose the slow reconciliation towards what you can get, rather than what you always hoped for. Settle for less and keep a brave face on it. Choose disappointment and choose losing the ones you love, then as they fall from view, a piece of you dies with them until you can see that one day in the future, piece by piece, they will all be gone and there’ll be nothing left of you to call alive or dead. Choose your future. Choose life.’’