Noone was killed in the production of this post – An Iran World Cup Preview

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Iran didn’t do a whole lot on the sport front for the first couple decades after the 1979 Revolution.  Fans in the country still speak excitedly about their breakout year in 1998 where they qualified for the World Cup for the first time since the Shah was in power by narrowly edging out Australia in an away playoff series.  They went on to score one of their two World Cup wins against the US in group play.  They’ve qualified fairly consistently since then, but have never progressed past the group stage, scoring their only other win in 2018 against Morocco.

This year, under previous coach Carlos Queiroz, and led by two strong attackers, Sardar Azmoun and Mehdi Taremi, they hope to hold England to a draw and then beat either the US or Wales for the chance to move out of Group B into knockout play.  However, given the unrest in Iran following the death of Jina Amini (pictured above) which has included raiding the home of Ali Karimi, possibly the most successful and beloved former Irani footballer, the arrest and detention of other prominent Irani footballers who have been critical of the regime, and the effective gag order that exists on the current team (although they’ve still managed some gestures of solidarity with the protesters which hopefully won’t get them arrested when they get home) there’s a lot of distractions for this team.

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Iran is a country where the hard-line government is vastly out of step with the vast majority of the population, which is a shame as the country has a lot of amazing history, culture, and food, as well as lovely people who are trying to live their lives the best they can in an environment of massive inflation, repressive morality police, and a government that routinely resorts to torture and lethal force to maintain power.  The rest of this preview will be some selected pictures from my visit to Iran earlier this year, these are the people we support when we support the protesters in whatever way we can.

This is a skatepark in Tehran, right next to the Planetarium – lots of kids having a great time, both boys and girls.  According to Human Rights Activists in Iran, at least 58 children have been killed in the current wave of protests.

Iranis eat more rice per capita than anywhere else, and it’s delicious because there’s lots of butter and saffron in it.  Also lots of sweet drinks and sugary desserts and candy and saffron sugar sticks for your tea as well as sugar cubes for your tea.  It’s estimated that 11.4% of the adult population in Iran is diabetic.  

Why yes, I DO want to buy some adorable and colorful baby chickens!

Iran is predominantly Shia Muslim, and they venerate past Imams with shrines and holy sites like Qom (pictured) in a way that is somewhat analogous to Catholic veneration of saints.  This practice is part of the conflict with Sunni Muslims, with fundamentalist movements like the Wahhabists considering Shia Muslims to not be real Muslims.

Polo was invented in Iran.  This fountain, which is now in the main square of Isfahan, used to be a polo field.  During the Safavid empire, the occupants of the Aali Qapu palace could watch polo from the veranda, and travel to their private mosque via tunnels under the polo field.

Saffron ice cream in fresh carrot juice.  Unexpectedly delicious, but I’ve been unable to recreate it at home.

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Doktor Zymm
An expert at time travel*, Doktor Zymm also has the ability to move objects with her mind** and can breath underwater***. *Forward only, at a preset rate **Via her hands, usually ***When the water is contained in a glass
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Wakezilla

Iran is a team that will either take what’s going on at home as motivation, or it’ll destroy them. Based on what happened last night, it looks like they’ll be an afterthought this tournament.

Good stuff

yeah right

Excellent work! Adding the food to the feature just makes it pop.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, Zymm, this was really well done.

King Hippo

Inshallah. Dok is a fantastic writer.

blaxabbath

THE 2025 UNITED STATES is a country where the hard-line government is vastly out of step with the vast majority of the population, which is a shame as the country has a lot of amazing history, culture, and food, as well as lovely people who are trying to live their lives the best they can in an environment of massive inflation, repressive morality police, and a government that routinely resorts to torture and lethal force to maintain power.

Horatio Cornblower

Say what you will about Qatar’s alcohol ban, it does likely make it easier for Jack Grealish to get to work.

Horatio Cornblower

Can you substitute 11 players at once? Asking for England.

King Hippo

One wonders, despite acknowledgment that he’s already “exhausted” – why Fuckface Kane remains on the pitch with a 4-goal lead. But then I remember “oh yeah, Gareth Southgate.”

Horatio Cornblower

Goal differential?

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Sharkbait

I’m still torn on watching this World Cup.

Sharkbait

I just read that. Fucking FIFA

King Hippo

There are still moments. Brave as fuck that Iran’s XI likely risked death by collectively not singing their national anthem in solidarity with protestors.

blaxabbath

Those armbands don’t mean shit.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not going to let a bunch of fundamentalist assholes and incredibly corrupt bureaucrats ruin one of the World’s great sporting events for me. I’m going to watch the games, I’m going to enjoy them, and I’m going to hope everyone involved with these shitty decisions gets ass-herpes.

blaxabbath

I like the idea of killing teams that don’t perform well. It’s the only chance the Cardinals have at ever putting together a winning roster.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

+ 14 minutes?!?! What on earth happened?

King Hippo

Starting Team #SoFarAway keeper had a painfully uncomfortable Trent Green experience in like the 5th minute.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was a pair of scorching goals by England just now.

2Pack

In high school my best friends sister was dating an Iranian guy. This was 77 so before the revolution. He is a nice guy now living in exile in California with much of his family. I have been through so much bullshit, and seen too much suffering in my life, and service to hate any more. Hate just eats away at you with no effect on your focus. But I hope I live to see better in many places, Iran being one of them.

blaxabbath

I’m moving to rural Hawaii.

Gumbygirl

Grow pineapples! And weed. Grow pineapple scented weed!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve got questions:

Did you ever find out how they painted the chicks? What’s the purpose besides looking AWESOME?

You can’t recreate it because no one sells saffron ice cream or you can get saffron ice cream and put it in carrot juice but it just doesn’t taste the same?

Fun fact: next time you’re in LA, you should get ice cream here:

https://mashtimalones.com/

Gumbygirl

I have a juicer, but I’m skeered of it. It makes a horrendous racket, and I’m not sure it’s supposed to.