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Monday Night Week 15 Abortion Thread

King Hippo

/

,

Hey, in Mississippi, that thar SOO-PREME COWRT done said 15 weeks is late term.  Suck it, libtards!

RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! (+7.5) at Packers (8:15, ESPN/ABC)

Isn’t it fucking hilarious how THIS fixture, of all fixtures, gets network teevee coverage?  One assumes Disney felt safe that this one would be relevant.  Oopsie-doodle!  Baker Mayfield, 60,000 Wisconsin drunks in sub-freezing weather.  I don’t see how any of this could go wrong.

Critical Thinking will be 6-8 with a win here, and the sportsball media hawt taekers will be ready, willing, and able to go in dry.  Christ in Heaven, OKC Bomber.  Put them out of their misery, will ya?

I am still mentally reeling from yesterday’s GLORIOUS CHAOS, and the notion that the Premier League returns in one week’s time.  Make sure you have ample supplies near the sofa or recliner of your choice.  It’s time to GET SEDENTARY!

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Mr. Ayo

Can’t believe I grew up in Montana and yet I’m still way better in Washington’s rain than the locals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KmF2EqVAbY

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

For reference, my best time there in the dry is 1:29 something.

https://vimeo.com/699914162

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Gumbygirl

I am tired, see yinz tomorrow!

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Brick Meathook

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2Pack

In recapping…

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So how many abortions actually happened tonight? The state of Texas demands to know.

1
Gumbygirl

I had a couple.

3
BeefReeferLives

Like a fucking Lady!!

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Brocky

Never forget

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Last edited 3 years ago by Brocky
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TheRevanchist

Those goal posts must have been moved.

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Brocky

So i got this screenshot earlier. Could’ve been a scoregami

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TheRevanchist

Look, I hate Baker, but run the ball until it’s 3rd and long, that’s not even setting up the QB position for anything successful.

The Lambs just suck balls all around, starting with the play calling.

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Brocky

A little late, but still relevant

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Brick Meathook

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Gumbygirl

20 bucks sez Litre asks if this is real!

2
2Pack

We all get that, not so fresh, feeling.

1
Brocky

Show brady whiffing that tackle one the eagles!

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Gumbygirl

Nope, nosir, no RayRay for me. The Mannings are driving me to Joe and Troy.

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Brocky

It’s statistically impossible to be worse than Joe and troy

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Gumbygirl

As far as I know, they’ve never actually murdered anyone. Bored them to death, maybe, but no stabbing!

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TheRevanchist

RB position in GB > Sammy Watkins

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Brocky

Since we’re doing dog pictures…. the shih tzu is being judgemental and wondering why I gave him a haircut before the storm of the century

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TheRevanchist

They are such drama queens.

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Gumbygirl

Squeeeeeeeee!

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Brocky

Lol I threw a toy at it and they immediately starting humping it.

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TheRevanchist

My girl hates toys except for balls.

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Dunstan

Ok, but what about your dog?

6
scotchnaut

Wait. How did your dog know that The Storm of the Century was coming? I smell Shenanigans.*

*Shenanigans was a 2nd place finisher in a dog show (in the Boxer category) that took place in Wyoming back in ’06. Don’t ask me how I know this.

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Gumbygirl

Awww! Cutie.

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scotchnaut

The earth has experienced more than a dozen waves of extinctions. Nothing that you could possibly identify as ‘human’ exists. All of the largest mountains have fallen into each other because seas and oceans no longer exist.

“Welcome friends, to The Fastest Three Minutes” plays on an infinite loop, into the colorless void…

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Brocky

Hey gumbygirl, have you ever done the eye drink method at home?

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Gumbygirl

Not on purpose.

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Brocky

Thats….That’s..not good hustle?

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Gumbygirl

I hardly ever drink anymore. I have had plenty of weed smoke in the eye, does that count?

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Brocky

You’d have to ingest it through the eye though

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Gumbygirl

My retinas are probably a little resinous.

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jjfozz

I helped make this:
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Horatio Cornblower

The dresser?

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SonOfSpam

I was going with “the haunted look” but yours is less cringeworthy.

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scotchnaut

You should have worked harder on the nose.

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jjfozz

That nose is a family heirloom.

1
Brocky

My uncle stole mine. Fucker died before I could get it back. I was digging through his shed looking for it and then my aunt started yelling at me that “37 is too old for that shit” and to “leave her the hell alone”

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scotchnaut

Job Interviewer: “What happened to your nose?”

Brocky: [begins bawling]

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TheRevanchist

It’s a fine haircut. Ever thought about opening a barber shop?

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Mr. Ayo

I can’t imagine the testicular fortitude it would take to gamble on getting a haircut from jjfozz with a straight razor and scissors at his disposal.

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TheRevanchist

“Free haircuts for the homeless” sign and the amount of hobo bodies found headless would stun the cops.

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SonOfSpam

I like my field goals like I like my porn starts…long and Gay.

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King Hippo

What a BIG GAY KICK that was!

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jjfozz

“Like wow Scoobs, Mrs. Fozz packed those stockings with loads of gummies!”

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Brocky

In honor of my favorite manning cast moment of all time

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eli would take the quarters simply for the arcade value. Hello, Gauntlet marathon!

3
jjfozz

Introducing the Ravens’ new offensive coordinator
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SonOfSpam

“We can play if you want, but I’ve seen some things.”

1
Gumbygirl

That is a beautiful doggo!

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scotchnaut

“I’m just the dog but I’m trying to make things right in this family. Things aren’t looking good.”

1
Mr. Ayo

Touchdown, Air Bud

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jjfozz

A year ago I was scraping bottom. Almost at the end of rope. I had just fucked up on the biggest freelance project I had on my books.

Friday I got a killer performance review, bonus, and a raise. And a nice box of gifts from my employer.

On Saturday I beat my old boss into unconsciousness with my grandmother’s rolling pin.

So yeah, good couple of days.

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King Hippo

Maintaining balance is well-important!

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jjfozz

It’s been two years, and I want to drink a grapefruit daiquiri out of his skull

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scotchnaut

You were in my basement beating someone else to death-just in case anyone asks.

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SonOfSpam

(fingers crossed for Elon Musk)

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jjfozz

Well, I know where his plane is . . .

That dude is off the fucking rails

4
SonOfSpam

Pretty sure he’s on some high-end rails.

1
jjfozz

I finished Andor and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

2
SonOfSpam

Don’t know the guy, but how’d you finish him?

1
Brocky

He used one of those grappling hook things from mortal kombat then ripped out the dude’s spine with the skull attached

3
SonOfSpam

hot af

1
Gumbygirl

Flawless Victory!

1
jjfozz

A gal has to keep her secrets

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hunter Renfrow has been pushing that show on the rest of the Raiders like you wouldn’t believe.

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jjfozz

I’ll reiterate my loathing for those fuckhead Packers fans. Thanks to my bottomless well of hatred, I’m able to dedicate a sizeable piece to them.

3
Brocky

They’re every but as bad as patriots fans, just slightly better at masking their racism

1
Bogdanski

In that case, you might not want to have a Packers super-fan as your avatar. Unless that’s Clarence Boddicker-era Kurtwood Smith.
But please don’t direct your super-powered hate towards me and congrats on all your success in the past year

1
Senor Weaselo

Rushing touchdown for Senor. SIKE! That’s the wrong rusher. -Supa Hot Fire

(But he’s not a rapper.)

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WCS

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jjfozz

In honor of tonight’s headline:
https://youtu.be/vxkQXK0kRd0

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King Hippo

I see halftime cold medicine and passing out in me future.

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jjfozz

Not sure how the marketing team at Massengill never signed Rogers as a spokesperson.

Fuck I hate that guy.

1
Gumbygirl

He’s even too much of a douche for them.

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scotchnaut

Until they’ve solved The Mega Douche Conundrum Qaron can’t be a reputable rep.

1
Mr. Ayo

Wait, Hurts is hurt? I mean, it’s in the name, I get it. I totally should have seen this coming.

So long fantasy season.

1
King Hippo

Happens to everybody. Sooommmmetimes.

1
SonOfSpam

He just did it to see if he could feel.

3
King Hippo

Derek Carr stares ahead, nods

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Horatio Cornblower

“If Rodgers has anything to say about it Cobb will be back next year.”

That’s true, Troy, except for the small detail that the Green Bay front office loathes Aaron.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

And he’s assuming Rodgers will be there next year.

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SonOfSpam

He ain’t gonna survive COVID22 currently under constriction in my lab.

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Redshirt

This one hurts.

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Gumbygirl

Gumby and I were born in 1960. Fuck.

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SonOfSpam

Well that sucks.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re watching a terrible Christmas movie. One of the characters is an “LA Lawyer” but his office is obviously located in Rialto or Duarte or La Verne or Fontana.

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Horatio Cornblower

Not to get hockey in your football, but holy shit this move:

https://twitter.com/oldhockeycards/status/1605016760159436800

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Horatio Cornblower

To paraphrase a similar komment from the former mothership, this guy is like a son to Andy Reid.

https://twitter.com/kyleayers/status/1604975112553263104

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King Hippo

That is some Next Level hustle. I guess we’ll be seeing Revanchist again in 5-7, assuming good behavioUr

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HA HA HA HA HE HAD THOSE STUPID BANK TELLERS IN FEAR FOR THEIR LIVES AND THEY PROBABLY HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THOSE ROBBERIES HA HA HA HA [does tomahawk chop and chant]

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scotchnaut

In summation, Chiefs fan/bank robber is not a man of many contrasts.

5
WCS

Otto kinda lost it after Trump was elected.

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SonOfSpam

He wasn’t alone.

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King Hippo

He critically thought trying to read that defense.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Most of you sheeple would throw the ball to your own receiver, but not Qaron. He’s out there playing 4-D chess, like a kid.

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SonOfSpam

“Let’s talk about why this non-mainstream strategy is best”

-J. Rogan

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King Hippo

Imagine if MNF bumper muzak gets us all out the LDB Challenge!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I really don’t understand why you don’t watch the games on mute.

I have the Manningcast on one screen. Toluca v América on another. Both have closed captioning. And I have music playing.

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King Hippo

It depends on how bad the commentary is. Better able to mute if/when I am paying better attention. As it is, I can mostly text and play FM.

1
King Hippo

(for some reason, Troy and Joe are less bothersome this week, probably because I am half-zoned out)

1
Gumbygirl

I will see if that’s true or just your pills talking when the Manning’s have Stabby Ray on.

1
scotchnaut

I really don’t understand why you don’t watch the games on mute

-The Marlee Matlincast

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King Hippo

oh YES!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I presume you have MILF Manor on a third screen?

1
Redshirt

On 2nd thought, I think I’ll skip this broadcast when I get home after work.

1
scotchnaut

True Fact: Green Bay citizens have purchased more 5XL NFL jerseys than all other cities combined.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[throws challenge flag] – Indianapolis Colts fans

1
scotchnaut

Oh great, a bunch of Colts fans just suffered multiple rotator cuff injuries! RTD-have you stopped to think about how your jokes are over-taxing the already over-taxed American health care system?

1
Gumbygirl

I would have said bullshit, it’s got to be Cleveland, but nobody buys their jerseys. Except Gumby, he has a snazzy Tim Couch one.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I completely forgot the Fightin’ Horatios were playing in the Myrtle Beach Bowl, and judging from what I’m reading on Twitter so did they.

3
King Hippo

Any time one goes to Myrtle Beach, “avoided the clap” is the best plausible outcome.

3
King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! is at least trying. If I was playing for OKC Bomber, guess I’d stay all motivated too.

0
herodotus450

Hockey talking guys gushing about Ovechkin’s durability over his career of bodychecks. And his longevity, and quick recovery times, and high red blood cell count, and small testicles…

3
Horatio Cornblower

The true All-Star is that man’s liver.

1
King Hippo

somehow, all that came back from my physical’s bloodwork is slightly elevated cholestoral

1
Gumbygirl

Mine is way high. Everything else is good, and I refuse to take any medicine that disallows grapefruit, so my doctor and I are having a standoff.

1
King Hippo

GUH, grapefruit is the only super-healthy thing I likes! And kale, for some wackadoo reason (raw or juiced only). When I would take the kids to Great Wolf Lodge, I would eat nothing but grapefruit and bacon off the buffet line LMAO.

Doctor wants me to get in some cardio, I just have no fucking energy.

1
scotchnaut

“We’ve got a slush fund that will make that all [waves hands] magically disappear.”

-Hockey Canada

1
King Hippo

It worked FOAR the Catholic Church!

0
scotchnaut

The upside of my medical appointment was that I found a Jamaican place in Sudbury, Ontario! I’m having goat curry and jerk pork for the first time in 3(?) years. Amazing stuff.

/I had dirty rice as a side which reminded me of Big Black Richard-hope he’s still out there in the ether

6
WCS

Did Schefterbot 3.2 short-circuit? Why is it yelling at everyone?

0
herodotus450

I know there’s a lot of law talking guys in this here website and I just happen to need some advice. What exactly is a “criminal referral from Congress” and how should I go about defending myself from one?

0
scotchnaut

Well, the first step is to aver that’s it’s one of ‘the greatest criminal referrals of all time”.

1
Horatio Cornblower

You want to plead the 35th amendment, not the 5th. That’s the secret.

0
Brick Meathook

I accidentally called my mom back east during Jeopardy!

Not a good idea . . .

1
scotchnaut

[slams down phone] “I’ll Take Completely Irresponsible Sons for $600, Mayim!”

-Mrs. Meathook nee, Ms. Bankdraft (from the lower New Hampshire Bankdrafts clan)

2
King Hippo

Can I just say that Hippo LOVES RG3’s fookin’ hat

1
Gumbygirl

I was just saying that hat is CHURCH!

2
King Hippo

It fits his affable goofball persona SO PERFECTLY.

1
scotchnaut

‘Church’ is a descriptor now? I can’t keep with these 60 yr. old youngun’s.

Last edited 3 years ago by scotchnaut
2
Gumbygirl

It’s a southern thang.

1
scotchnaut

Do you wear a bona fide Vidalia on your belt?

1
Gumbygirl

U noe it!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I need 30 points from the Green Bay defence in order to win my FF playoff game in my money league.

Yeah, I know it ain’t happening. But maybe like Betelgeuse if you say it enough times, it happens?

1
King Hippo

My monkey league gives you +10 for a defensive score, which I think is very fair. In addition to +3 for turnovers. Run two back? Baby, Balls got a STEW goin!

1
WCS

This post will act as the next Dead Sea Scrolls of HippoSpeek for whatever civilization reads it in 4500 years.

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