Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Recovering from Gigsmas

…Kinda, he said while on a gig at press time. Here was my schedule from Christmas Day to New Year’s Day.

12/25: Christmas Mass in the morning (in New Jersey), rehearsal for a show in the afternoon (in Brooklyn)
12/26: Said show
12/27: Gig
12/28: Taught two students. This was my obvious light day.
12/29: Gig
12/30: Rehearsal for New Year’s concert.
12/31: The above-mentioned New Year’s concert.
1/1: Gig

So, everyone else’s Stasis Week had to be one of my most productive (and more importantly, lucrative) weeks of the year. Hopefully this bodes well for 2023, since apparently nothing else in this world has.

NFL News
Doctors saw promising signs from Damar Hamlin such as elevated oxygen levels, but he remains in critical condition, still sedated as of this morning.

If you’d like to donate to the toy drive, feel free to do so here. (Now over $6.3 million as of noon ET.)

Non-NFL News
-BattleBots starts tomorrow! I will be in rehearsal, naturally. Your season-opening fight: runner-up Witch Doctor vs. last year’s #2 seed, Ribbot. Your main event: 2021 champion Tantrum takes on semifinalist Minotaur.

-In heartwarming “Marble League stories I forgot” news, thanks to Reddit: Deep Marblearth dive ahead, where much of this is all lore and marble kayfabe.

In 2014, a young marble sports fan named Mallard won tickets to the Tour de Vellis to see the then-Speeders earn their adjective by winning the event for the first time. She was excited for the spectacle and the competition and couldn’t wait to go back to more marble sports events. But as it seemingly often does, tragedy struck. One parent was in the infirmarblery, and two days later, was gone. Mallard’s other parent, Bombay, had not been working at the time, and most of the family’s savings ended up being used for the funeral. Mallard, along with younger brother Billy, ended up having to take jobs as farmhands where they met future teammates Quacky, Ducky, and Goose. After the five took a trip to the 2017 Marble League, they vowed to become marble sports athletes, coached by Bombay, and taking the name the Green Ducks. They shocked the marble world in 2019, being in the lead after six events, eventually finishing second to the Raspberry Racers. The years after hadn’t been quite as successful in the big competitions, finishing 12th in 2020 and 11th in 2021 in the Marble League, but a team 6th in Seasons 1 and 3, and a team bronze in Season 2 of Marbula One showed the Ducks hadn’t become also-rans.

But then the Ducks became hosts of ML22, and though they were in the mid-pack with three silvers and a bronze, they didn’t have a gold to their name heading into the final event, the elimination race. As the competitors ticked away, all eyes were on the Pinkies, Shining Swarm, Team Galactic, and the Savage Speeders—the four teams in championship and podium contention. With the Swarm and Speeders crashing out in 9th and 7th respectively it came to the Pinkies and Galactic. But with Galac-fifth rearing its head one final time, the Pinkies clinched, and the question on everyone’s minds would be whether Pinky Panther would cap off the Pinkies’ unlikely victory with one final gold. But they finished 3rd, leaving Mallard and Ruzzy, reserve of those same Raspberry Racers from 2019, as the last two standing in the event.

So with her victory, Mallard broke a season-long (and nearly two seasons long, since the team’s previous was Event 2 in 2021) wait for gold for the home fans at The Pond in Draklin, got redemption for the Ducks’ rookie season silver instead of gold, and won herself Most Valuable Marble with a total of 65 individual points (1 gold, 2 silvers). Some story, right?

Are there still sports? (Times are Eastern)
Shut Up and Jam Gaiden
Bucks vs. Raptors (7:45, ESPN)
Heat vs. Lakers (10:05, ESPN)

JV Shut Up and Jam Gaiden
Villanova vs. Georgetown (in progress, FS1)
#25 Iowa State vs. Oklahoma (7:00, ESPN2)
#4 Fightin’ Horatios vs. Providence (8:30, FS1)
#17 Bloodeyes vs. #19 Baylor (9:00, ESPN2)
Colorado State vs. Nevada (10:30, FS1)

Iceball
World Junior Championship semifinals: U.S.A. vs. Canada (in progress, NHLN)
The Anti-Saints of Newark vs. Scotchy’s Least Favorite (NJD vs. DET, 7:00, TNT)
Lightning vs. Wild, teams that don’t end in S (9:30, TNT)

If it’s not up tomorrow, next week will be the Beaties, just in time for me to be behind on the Beat proper!