(That shark in the featured image looks so happy)
Continuing my streak of doing very little work on these this year, this week’s topic is another one from Scotchnaut: Something that has lost it’s way, whether that something be a band, a team, a politician, two kids in the woods who relied on bread crumbs to find their way out, because they were too goddamn dumb to either read map or figure that animals would eat all the crumbs.
I may be mixing my metaphors here, but the larger point is that Hansel and Gretel had it coming and the witch was just minding her business way out there in the middle of the woods before those two idiots came traipsing along.
Anyway, the prime example of this is also our commissioner:
For some reason the powers that be behind ratings juggernaut ‘Happy Days’ decided to film, and more importantly broadcast, an episode where Fonzi has to jump a shark while on water-skis. Since then ‘jumping the shark’ has come to mean a point where a TV show, (and for purposes of our draft literally anything), ran out of creative ideas and did something monumentally stupid to make up for that.
Ironically the phrase really doesn’t work when applied to ‘Happy Days’, as the show was at the top of the ratings when they jumped the shark and it remained there for several seasons afterward.
The real issue with ‘Happy Days’, of course, is that Chuck Cunningham died from autoerotic asphyxiation and of course those cowards weren’t willing to address that issue so they just pretended that he never existed.
But we’re getting off-track. Your draft this week is a person or organization that jumped the shark, or more importantly the point where they jumped the shark. Scotchnaut has already given me his pick, the point where the band Chicago fired their brass section. Apparently this happened in the early 80’s and led to some commercially disappointing sales.
For my pick I’ll go with one of my favorite bands from the early 80’s, The Clash, firing guitarist Mick Jones.
Doing a little research into the subject it seems like Jones actually had it coming, since he didn’t want to tour and was getting far more interested in hip-hop and synthesizers. Not that there’s anything wrong with either, (Jones actually had a decent, and synthesizer-heavy, album with his new band, which was so successful that I’ve forgotten the name, and which I cared so much about I’m too lazy to look up. Regardless, that sound wasn’t The Clash and was never going to fly with Joe Strummer, and you can’t have a band where the lead guitarist won’t show up for work. Unfortunately The Clash just wasn’t the same band without Jones and for that, and a lot of other reasons, (the article I linked to up there is a pretty good read if you’re interested in the subject), Jones being fired killed The Clash.
Yours in the comments.
If you didn’t need more proof that we’re living in the End Times, guess who is currently in first place in the NCAA pool?
Hitler?
No, he didn’t have time to fill out his brackets with all the CPAC events.
Woo hoo! Nowhere to go but down!
-Houston, looking at blowie recipient #1
I’m back to point out that I’m not making any other picks since my draft was already perfect.
With my last pick I’ll take BFC for resting on his laurels and not picking something else
When Bob Dylan went electric in ’65.
Fucking sell-out corporate phony.
Must’ve been shocking for you, having just finished high school.
Back in the good ol’ days, when I was hippy banging your mom.
Marvel Cinematic Universe: The “Avengers Assemble” scene in Avengers: Endgame. Everything before seemed carefully crafted and planned. Now it feels like a maxed out city in SimCity accidentally left on.
I’d back it up to CA: Civil War. The Sokovia Accords were too much bullshit for me to swallow.
Good point.
“You killed my kid, Stark”
“Fine! Next time we’ll let the homicidal robot kill everyone, then!”
No one appreciates movies about regulatory oversight anymore.
PBS-
It introduced me to Monty Python, the Civil War series, various interesting travel shows and this one cooking show from France where I saw a rabbit strangled and an eel get it’s head chopped off live on air. Now there’s not a single program that I watch.
They have a few gems every now and then. The current iteration of All Creatures Great and small is good, and Mrs. Sharkbait is happy Sanditon is back. Basically whatever is on Masterpiece is good.
I watched Sanditon last night. I am a sucker for a period drama.
“Will she get to the store before she stains her dress?”
Cliffhanger!
Frontline is still worth a watch.
This is Rick Steves slander and I will not stand for it.
They did the Voyager documentary that I enjoyed.
didn’t it used to show Benny Hill as well?
I forgot this one earlier so if anyone really wants it they can claim it, but Van Halen with David Lee Roth was great. Van Halen with Sammy Hagar was fine, but Van Halen with Gary Cherone is something that everyone seems prepare to agree never happened.
For a reason.
Diamond Dave 4evah!
They had Gary Cherone?
For real though, DLR era Van Halen is fantastic, but Van Hagar had some bangers too
He spent three years with them after DLR was tossed the second time. Not considered their golden age.
c.f. Black Sabbath being Tony Iommi and three random British rockers.
Gumby got the mail. I have been summoned for jury duty for the first time ever, woohoo?
Good luck. Bring comfortable shoes and a good book.
Wear an NRA t-shirt
[photoshops this image onto a t-shirt]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqH_Y1TupoQ
Repeat after me: “I am racist and sexist against all races and genders, including my own.”
If that doesn’t work, accuse the counselors of hitting on you during the voir dire. Including the questionnaire itself.
If it’s for Grand Jury you want that. Although you do have some bad days where you’ll go home convinced humankind is a disease, a’la Agent Smith in The Matrix, you will also get some seriously awesome stories out of it.
I’m kind of hoping I get picked, just for the novel experience.
Everyday household appliances that are insanely complicated for no reason. I shouldn’t need a degree in physics to turn on the fucking tv!
Blair Witch 2.
Electric Boogaloo
They’re saving the neighborhood haunted house from developers with a magical dance-off!! Also the witch is going to slaughter the developers anyway, so…yeah.
I’d watch that.
The more I think of it the more I think I would, too.
2 Blair 2 Witch
The United States of America: The Presidential Election of 2000. They were close with the Compromise of 1877, the Robert Bork Rejection, the Contract With America and very close with the Clinton Impeachment (both sides), but this is truly where America went from We The People to We The Party.
Drive in movies.
My Italian wife’s first night in Fayetteville was a trip to a drive in. She always wanted to see one. Well here ya go Cara… the only one that was not X rated was The Rocky Horror Picture Show. During intermission they brought a tractor trailer up front and had a wet Tshirt contest. She had a dazed WTF look… Welcome to Merica Babe!
Fuck, we need better drive-ins up here.
There’s a couple of drive-ins relatively close to me, that are pretty much the same as they ever were.
They’re just letting the days go by.
(makes weird chopping gesture)
[lets the water hold him down]
– Peyton Hillis
That only happens once in a lifetime.
next up for me is all the “reality TV” TV shit. Recording something with a steady-cam and having a loose script doesn’t make it real. Looking at all the TLC shows, Surviver\Big Brother and the Real Housewives*
*Note that Mrs GTD FUCKING LOVES ALL THIS SHIT, so may be a biased opinion
I’m not sure I’ve ever watched a single series, ever.
High Fructose Corn Syrup in soft drinks. Adding insult to injury, they’ll then sell you a Limited Edition throwback, made with cane sugar.
(Sidebar: this time of year you should be able to find Passover Coca-Cola on the shelves. The yellow cap indicates that it’s made with cane sugar, rather than HFCS.)
It’s why I always look for the ‘Made in Mexico’ label on my coke.
I said what I said.
Metallica when they released that self-indulgent Some Kind of Monster documentary.
Holy shit, how far up your own asses can you get?
Maybe we can make 1 recto-cranial unit a Bono. It’d be like a Farad, though; way too big for normal use. 1 µBono would be about right.
I don’t know if it would create a singularity or rip apart space-time, but Bono is a Mobius loop of head-up-his-own ass.
It’ll always be Kelsey’s Bar to me.
American sports, when they started to #TrusttheProcess. Even though that netted the Sixers, let’s see, carry the two… zero Eastern Conference final appearances.
The *stros were the other super-tank team, so once again, fuck ‘em.
Halftime shows, particularly for The Owl. Bring out a goddamn marching band or Up With People or some shit. We don’t need a fucking pop concert for every big event.
Frisbee dogs! Jazzercise!
I miss Hooray For Everything!
I’d say the date it jumped was ten seconds after Prince finished, cause they weren’t topping that.
Not so much jumped, then, as shoved.
In last month’s Super Bowl, they showed SB 1’s coin toss. It was two captains from each team, plus the ref. Days long gone. And get out of my yard!
Cooking shows and the Cooking\food network in general. They went from “here’s how to cook something” to “you need to cook this, missing all ingredients, upside down, no power and in 56 seconds”.
Bobby Flay is fucking annoying. He must be blowing someone to keep his job that long.
He’s blowing Giada.
God bless him, then.
Not while I’m motor boating her…
With Gordon Ramsey screaming and spitting in your face. I’m amazed someone hasn’t gone stabby on his ass, they all have sharp knives!
I’ve seen him on other shows and he seems like a decent guy, so i assume it’s an act for the Hell Kitchen thing.
It is. He never would have gotten anywhere in the hospitality industry if he wasn’t capable of dialing it back and shmoozing when it’s appropriate.
This. Fuck those endless competition shows.
On the Food Network, it’s not a competition it’s a “WAR!” Holiday Wars! Cookie wars for fucks sake.
What really freaks me out are the kids cooking shows. These kids are too fucking young for that level of fame and exposure
Let them be kids for Christ sake. All you’re creating are future drug overdoses with that much attention at that age.
I fucking HATE those shows.
::Get’s shot in the head by friendly cupcakes::
-Pat Tillman
Recreational Road Races
These things used to be like $10 or $15 to enter AND you got a tee shirt (cotton). I ran one in Tombstone once and I won a big headstone trophy that they make at the high local wood shop class. In the early-mid 2000’s, the Fleet Feets and these organized race companies started putting on races. $40-$60 plus just a boring-ass course that you could often tell was designed to minimize race costs. These were Saturday morning 5Ks, not the Boston Marathon. Shit, I remember running that race at the Marine Corps or Navy base or whatever in CA where you have to run up some crazy hills as like the first two miles of the 8k (I think).
Now it’s a Tough Mudder World. Which is cool if it’s got people moving (it doesn’t, they are fat) but, seriously, you should be able to toss in your 15 cents and a nail and the shell of a great great grandfather snail and go get 15-20 minutes of decent racing.
My nephew was humble bragging about doing a Tough Mudder. I asked him how much the entry fee was, he said 85 US. Told him… they used to pay ME to do those…
There’s a run in my area on New Year’s day, called the “Resolution Run”. They close off the streets in my neighbourhood for a few hours in the morning, so, assuming I’m able, I go for a run on parts of the course as it’s a part of on my normal run route. Every time, the event staff along the race tell me to join for next year, and I’m like NOPE, not paying $60+ dollars for a sticker and some random clothing piece and have to drive to go for a run on the route I normally take.
When General Hospital came up with the “Aztec Princess” storyline. She was a cute blonde named Felicia. I could deal with long- lost evil twins, multiple personalities,kids who went from babies to adults in 6 months, and all of Erica Kane’s husbands, but that bullshit ruined soaps for me!
Mrs. Horatio is a fanatic about General Hospital, (it is on right now, in fact, and I was just glared at when I dared interrupt with this question), but she is a fan of Felicia and you have made a powerful enemy.
I came in way late to the GH party. Something something agent for the DBX something.
Speaking of fish I’m in my favorite seafood place waiting for my take out order. There is a dude in here who is a spitting image of Bob Eucker. Turtle neck, sports coat and all.
He’s still alive; maybe it’s him.
Offer him a seat in the front row and see what happens.
Sadly, catholic churches Friday night fish fries.
The Royal family when they started marrying commoners instead of their cousins.
I really wanted to see just how shallow that gene pool could get.
Boo! What’s the point of even being of noble birth when it means you can’t marry the brazenest strumpet your fiefdom has produced?
Why marry her when you can just declare prima nocte?
But that’s the point, you should be able to do whatever the hell you want!
Speaking of jumping the shark, I have a spring training baseball game in in the background and a nice English woman basically just admitted they juiced the balls for the 2019 games in London that ended something like 18-14.
And they’re probably going to do it again this year.
Is that a problem? It’s not like they have athletes chasing fifty year-old home run records and stuff, right?
It’s another reason Hippo is right about Robb Manfred making baseball jump the shark.
Well that year was also the super-juiced ball year where every team broke the HR record. And then they decided to swing it back the other way. Basically, what is a baseball?
That reminds, me, I have a ball from that year someone on the Rangers threw to me during BP.
MTV when The Real World came out. They realized that bullshit reality shows were cheaper and easier to get than music videos and they never looked back.
Outstanding pick.
The first Real World show was groundbreaking television, in my opinion, while also ultimately setting the stage for the descent into programming hell on MTV and everywhere else that followed.
Like Nigeria, The Real World and its legacy are a land of contrasts.
Also, their primary export is Korn.
Goddammit that was good, Rikki.
ISTR my MTV history, where all the shows went to MTV, and the videos went to MTV2. Then the shows took over MTV2.
Getting my geek on. World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria. Personally I didn’t think Cataclysm was as good as Wrath of the Lich King, but MoP really sucked. Making an April Fools panda joke into a playable race was a sure sign that the Blizzard team was running out of ideas.
Not sure whether to give this a +1 from Hunter Renfrow or from Kyler Murray.
Cannibal Corpse approved.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW_Lv0r-l4c&t=63s
3. ESPN.
Yes, but when? I would take the point where they went with the ’embrace debate’ approach and inflicted Skip Bayliss on the world.
Very much then. Apologies for presuming that would have gone without saying.
There are a lot of points where ESPN could be considered to have jumped the shark. Their current emphasis on gambling, for instance, although you’ve covered that already.
But yeah, for me it was that shit. Pretty much unwatchable now.
Robot Wars (original UK edition): The entire Storm II controversy, or the entire Seventh Wars.
You can argue Razer vs. Tornado in the Sixth Wars championship, and I’m of the opinion, from my angle, Tornado should have counted as pitted, but admittedly I don’t have a good enough angle to see whether Razer had Tornado below the pit line.
I’ll go with an oldie:
Scooby Doo when they introduced Scrappy.
GOD I HATE THAT FUCKING DOG SO MUCH!!!
I found it hilarious that he was the bad guy of the live-action movie. Also the rumor that that’s why Tim Curry didn’t do it.
so we’re not doing spoiler alerts no more?
21 years should be enough for the statute of limitations.
The fact that it’s a movie about Scooby Doo should be enough.
“Seriously. Anyone who would care has seen it a dozen times already and took out multiple advances against their allowance to do so.” – Olivia Manning
All right-thinking people hate Scrappy Do.
I liked Scrappy.
But, then again, I was some kid watching cartoons and slamming sugar cereal in my face at 7am.
When the Royal Navy switched fuels from coal to oil in 1912. Goodbye British Empire.
Probably not a lot of Styx fans here (or anywhere), but they were a pretty good rock band until Dennis DeYoung decided “rock opera about robots” was the right next step.
Domo arigato motherfucker.
Oh man just you wait until DJ 3000 gets out of the time loop and hears about what you just said.
Game of Thrones: Season 6 was definitely when it started to suck.
Right when the writers ran out of source material.
I’m more inclined to think out was the point that things like Starbucks cups were visible on tables in Winterfell, but that show definitely did go over a cliff.
I’m always up to
bitch aboutdiscuss GoT. Plot sort of make sense, but rushing it didn’t.Apparently the writers just lost interest and it shows in the last season. For me it was a great show through the 2nd episode of the last season and then it looked like something I would have submitted for a high school project I’d forgotten about until the night before.
Supposedly several of the actors hated it and the writers. Even better the writers were gearing up for a series about the US if the Confederacy had won, (can’t see how that would go over badly), and HBO nuked it, supposedly in part because of how badly GoT ended.
Yeah, Benioff and Weiss stepped on their dicks there. ISTR a Star Wars series in the works. “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”
Forgot about them losing the Star Wars thing, too. I guess if you’re going to commit career suicide the time to do it would 6 years into a 7 year run of an incredibly well-received series. Doubt they’re worried about where their next meal is coming from.
Benioff’s fiction books are all killer, though.
The Walkman
/ still runs with a Walkman
2. Sports gambling. Last night I watched as TCU sank a meaningless long-range three-pointer at the buzzer and the announcer coyly mentioned how it was going to make some people very upset. I was a little surprised that he didn’t just come out and say it outright – it was a massive BAD BEAT for anyone who had bet on Gonzaga to cover the 4.5 point spread. It’s not like gambling is some kind of dirty little secret about sports anymore – once they started running advertising for sports gambling during the actual games, all of that ended. Sports gambling used to be an interesting, seedy little underbelly of the sports world. Now it seems to account for 50% of the actual revenue, and is treated that way by sports media, which really takes the fun out of it.
*Backs into the bushes like Homer Simpson*
Smoothies on Sharky! Okay, one smoothie. And just a small.
I was in Afghanistan when Pat Tillman was killed. If you’ve been around here, you’ve heard my rant on how the Army lied, attacked his family for calling out the lie, AND stated that his family (including his brother, who was also in the Ranger Regiment) just couldn’t accept Pat was “worm dirt” because their family was atheists.
Yet, every year, dipshit fuckheads show up to Pat’s Run to play dress up army so we can all hopefully one day thank them for giving up their futures in order to take a stray bullet in the head from one of our own and then have your parent’s religious beliefs publicly shat on when they adhere to the truth.
Americans love being fucked over. They’re stupid as shit and weak as all hell. “Patriotism” is is my generation’s “low fat” and there’s nothing — NOT ONE THING — that is going to change this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNxiPVZ69Q
Text book example of taking the easy wrong over the hard right. My most embarrassing period of service.
Bad Brains when they added reggae to the live show.
Music festivals. Now it’s about VIP packages and being”Seen” and an artist list of literal “Who’s Who?” No really, Who the fuck is that?
In my day you didn’t want to be “Seen” at a festival. After three days you were a sunburned, drug soaked zombie who hasn’t showered or combed their hair for 3 drunken days.
Franz Ferdinand, after releasing their all killer, no filler second album: You Could Have It So Much Better.
Even the collab with Sparks, FFS, is meh.
Rob Manfred and his piece of shit “ghost runner” extra innings rule. Everything since is just shit gravy.
Just real quick:
Know who won’t make this list? Bill Watterson.
I love to hate as much as anyone but I feel this is an excellent opportunity, in the moment, to contrast the point that ACTUALLY not everything decent needs to sell out from inception.
We could do a draft of things that never jumped the shark, but it would be pretty sparse.
Also that cartoon above is one my favorite ones Patterson did. Really hit me as a parent back when my kids were younger, and when it snowed in the winter in CT.
I should probably be pretty concerned that that last thing doesn’t happen anymore.
I always loved when Calvin’s dad fucked with him, like telling him about how they test bridge weight limits.
Futurama.
Psst. Mick Jones band was Big Audio Dynamite and I kind of dug them.
They were B.A.D.
Oh shit, the topic: rain in California. Fuck off now we’ve had enough for the year.
Reaching the bottom line here
They were fine. I had at least one of their albums. Didn’t help The Clash any.
When Walking Dead killed off a main character with a bat. Trying for no spoilers.
Meh. I think the spoiler window has passed at this point.
I don’t think it’s a spoiler to point out that Rick Grimes is the dumbest fucking guy on the planet.
I dropped that show after the barn season. it was terrible, but I will say that when they opened up the barn door and mowed the zombies down in front of their former friends and relatives I was howling.
1. Internet Dating. For a time it was a fun, interesting way for adventurous people to connect with each other and get laid. I can’t say what exactly precipitated its jumping of the shark, but fortunately for me it happened after I’d already gotten out of the dating game, because it sounds like it’s zero fun at all anymore.
The classic
Cousin Oliver joins The Brady Bunch. Hilarity does not ensue.
For those who enjoyed the Napster era, that was supposed to be the trajectory of the internet. Now it’s the exact opposite — you used to download any interestingmusic track you wanted. Now you don’t even own your music — you get to access someone else’s property AFTER they verify you are you; you’re only you; you have already paid; you have already agreed to their terms; and they have their systems working right now.
It’s a shame. If i had to define a “shark jump” I think maybe Google nailing adwords and breaking the seal on proftable internet advertising.
Napster was awesome, and there was no way that it was gonna last. Too much money out there. Sean Parker (cofounder) did alright though. https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2013/09/photos-sean-parker-wedding
As “meh” as the prequels were, I’m going with
Star Wars: The Force Awakens as the point when that franchise jumped the shark.
KSK/all of UPROXX when they got UPFORWHATEVER
Just take all my “+1″‘s, dammit.
The past that Jumped the Shark: “NFL fans weren’t ready for this trick play but what this pro-bowl player did next had me in tears…”
BRING BACK MATT!
Way to kill the draft right off the bat.
The Simpsons after Season 12 or so.
is that the Season with Poochy?