Now pinch hitting…for DonT…
Reverend Mayhem. Mayhem.
Hi kids! Long time no bore-you-with-overly-twee-prose!
It’s perhaps the best time of the sporting year (Non-Football Division) for your average North American fan. Pro basketball and hockey are in the last sprint for the playoffs, so at least half the teams have Hope. F1 is still early enough to convince one’s self that Red Bull’s cheating won’t result in a complete walkover, or at least that the teammates will DNF each other in multiple races. Baseball is soooo close even Marlins fans can convince themselves their team will actually try to win.
But the best part- the BEST PART- is that we don’t have to hear about “college” sports until August. I apologize for the many, many of you this offends, but it is time. Cut all ostensible ties to universities. Make all conferences minor leagues, with teams (openly) owned by the boosters. Hell, you can even keep your dumbass mascots.
Just leave me and my Division III alma mater alone forever.
Eastern/8:00 DFO Time-
Whelp, by the time you read this the final game of the Men’s Basketball Elite Eight should be winding down, while the final two Women’s games are kicking off.
As someone utterly indifferent to college sports beyond laughing when friends’ teams eat asphalt (hardwood?), I can offer only the following “thoughts”:
1. I’m tired of the One-and-Done/G League vs. Draft High Schoolers debate. Let’s go with the futbol model and let teams sign kids without a learners permit. Or, you know, teeth.
Let them sign embryos.
Let teams commission tall people to have sex in hopes of producing The Ultimate 8 Foot Half Court Shooter. I look forward to watching Kayden Bol-Cambage hooping it up for the Neo York Nix in 2052.
I’m pretty sure this is how the Eugenics Wars started in the Star Trek universe.
2. I dislike Miami on principle, but Kim Mulkey is what Cruella DeVille would look like if she hunted and skinned children instead dalmations. Go Canes.
3. I want to root against Louisville due to the lingering Papa John stain. But then he probably is pissed that women are allowed to play sports other than Beach Volleyball and varsity mudwrestling. So…go Birds?
I’m old as hell. I deep cleaned my kitchen this afternoon, and now I feel like I went a few rounds with Tyson. Oy vey.
I think the deep cleaning is the problem, not your age!
It kicked my butt, but I’m glad I did it. I just haven’t had the energy to really get in there, since we had the Rona. It was getting kind of gross. I was doing the bare minimum, dishes and occasionally half-assedly sweeping.
He won’t get tired…
Hi y’all! Back home for a couple of days and enjoying that most American of treats, shame pizza. Actually goes reasonably well with Chardonnay somehow. No idea what time zone my body thinks I’m in so not sure when I will fall asleep, but I do have to get up early tomorrow to take my car in for a new tire and new oil, amongst other tasks
Shame pizza is probably the best pizza. We are starting a weight loss challenge at work, so I had pizza, a burger, and fries to start bulking up for the weigh in this Friday. But this is more of a No Shame Pizza.
Well here goes another work week…
Friends don’t let friends have unnecessary plastic surgery.
Madonna obviously has no friends.
Sometimes the old phrase, anything worth doing – is worth overdoing, is not your best strategy.
Madonna is a disaster zone.
She’s gonna go full on Sunset Boulevard in a few years. It won’t be pretty.
HOW IT WAS DONE: The camera is on the studio floor, looking straight up. The astronaut is hanging by cables from the ceiling, which are therefore hidden directly behind him. Director Stanley Kubrick was a stickler for realism, so the air supply to the actor inside the suit was actually cut off during the take; his death throes are in fact real.
Between this and the set burning down, it’s why we’ve never “been back” to the moon.
I was booked to do the VFX of the Mars landing until it got cancelled.
Here’s how movies have changed over time. After watching the 1971 film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory, Wakezillette asked if we could watch the second and third movies.
I mean, the second one wasn’t that good, but the third one was pretty funny with Charlie having to deal with Tucker Carlson’s complaints that the Oompa Loompas weren’t sexy enough any more.
“Did you ever notice that liberals don’t ever do anything we here at Fox News accuse them of constantly? In fact, if anyone gets caught doing something heinous, it’s usually someone from our viewing demographic. But that doesn’t change the fact that Joe Biden is in the White House, and isn’t doing anything to help Vladimir Putin’s angelic crusade in to topple the rouge regime in Kiev.”
I like the one where Tucker Carlson gets his butt stuck in the mouth of the chocolate pump intake tube and all his internal organs are sucked out through his asshole.
There are other books in the series
The reaction was supposed to be existential despair:
How the cinnamon toast fuck am I 4th in the bracket challenge? All of you below me need to go to the box and feel shame.
Most of us stopped feeling “shame” a long time ago.
“Shame.”
Feelings? What am I, 9 years old??
/glance at “go to the box and feel shame”
// goes to workshop a few jokes
/// gets drunk, forgets about the whole thing
I’m last. Hahahaha
IT’S NOT a box, it’s a rocket ship
-Eli sitting in an empty fridge box with a few holes cut in it and all coloured
We all watching México v Jamaica, right?
Sí
Watching Mexico ‘s downfall in lesser footy has been amusing.
Here’s hoping Jamaica finishes them off
There’s a new coach and there are a lot of good young players. As long as he plays them and gives them experience, the falloff won’t be that bad.
The important part of the story is that the wonderful sexually adventurous coeds at San Diego State are having a wonderful time.
This is how Balls thinks
Except he spells “too” correctly, of course!
That’s awesome!
I was saving it for you!
From the interwebs so are Florida Atlantics
I am none of those things, but I’m also having a wonderful time.
Fuck Texas with Oklahoma’s used butt plug.
Gently used, like the flesh light?