Author: Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Request Line: Radio

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
210

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The PRODUCER lies on his side on the couch, snoring heavily.  He is hugging to his chest a large jar that is half-full of a clear(ish) liquid.  The distillation apparatus he has built has clearly been deemed as "operational".   DJ 3000: [throws a blanket over him] YOU

Request Line: This and That

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
200

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The PRODUCER is puttering around the studio, assembling a Rude Goldberg-looking construction out of various office materials.  He is humming the tune from the Jimmy Buffet song "Coconut Telegraph" to himself.  DJ 3000 sits silently, updating his operating system. DJ 3000: [Configuring update - 35% complete] The PRODUCER

Request Line: The Wrecking Ball

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
67

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY We join our regularly scheduled programming already in progress... DREW BREES: ...and then Marques says "that's not a snake, that's Junior Galette's belt!" PRODUCER: Ha ha ha ha ha! DREW: Ha ha ha ha ha! DJ 3000: HA HA HA HA HA! PRODUCER: Great story, Drew.  I have to say, being

Request Line: Potent Potables

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
132

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The PRODUCER sits on the floor of studio, tinkering with a long piece of pipe, a bunch of empty beer bottles, and a hammer.  He loads several of the beer bottles into a cloth grocery bag, and raises the hammer. DJ 3000: SO...WHATCHA DOIN? PRODUCER: The stores won't

Request Line: Indecision

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
89

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The PRODUCER is bustling around the office, humming merrily to himself.  DJ 3000 is in his usual place on the side of the room, the lights on his console blinking slowly but calmly.   DJ 3000: I HAVE TO SAY IT IS REASSURING TO SEE YOU BEHAVING MORE

Request Line: Misters and Mistresses

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
101

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY The studio sits empty.  The PRODUCER is nowhere to be seen.   DJ 3000: [sighs] DJ 3000: [to database] <?php $potential_topics = mysql_query("SELECT topic FROM request_line_database WHERE published = 'false'"); if (!$potential_topics) { echo 'Could not run query: ' . mysql_error(); exit; } $topic_array = best($potential_topics); echo $topic_array[0] ?> DJ 3000: NO, I KNOW HE'S SAVING THAT ONE FOR WHEN HE ACTUALLY HAS HIS SHIT TOGETHER ENOUGH TO INTRODUCE IT PROPERLY. DJ 3000:

DFO Radio: Backlog

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
37

The content monster has been pawing at my leg all morning, but all I've got for it is some music.  Hope this fills the void for you, little fella. [rubs content monster's belly] --- a short time later --- Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood.  Passersby were amazed at the unusually large

Request Line: The Domain of the Land Baron

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
120

INT. HOME OFFICE - DAY An incredibly handsome internet writer sits staring blankly at a spreadsheet of potential Request Line topics. --- [imaginary door in his mind flies open] --- BRITTFAR: Howdy! RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Oh. It's you. BRITTFAR: I can't help but notice you hunting for a Request Line topic this week. RTD: I guess.  It's not