Why I Won’t Be Watching The NFL This Year: Your Las Vegas Raiders Season Preview (2023 Edition)

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 30, 2023August 30, 2023

Four years ago, among other things, I wrote the following: My feelings toward my imminent divorce from the NFL are not too different. Is the NFL bad for me? That’s hard for me to say. At this point in my life, though, the best I can say for it is that

2022 New Orleans Saints Team Preview

DJ TAJ - September 8, 2022September 8, 2022

The Rattle of Metal Ghosts Everyone is dead, nothing left, smoke is all you see, the sound of laughter from little devils surrounds you. Burning and pestilence, greed and blood, dishonor, lie to hide the truth. We have to go to war with ourselves. Murder most foul right in my own

That’s My 2021 Raiders! Season Preview

DFOing Good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - September 9, 2021October 23, 2021

EXT. OAKLAND RAIDERS SHARED HOUSE – DAY Establishing shot and title card. ANNOUNCER BETH MOWINS: The Las Vegas Home for Imaginary Raiders [sic] is filmed in front of a live Alfa Romeo [sic] audience. CUT TO – INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY The music of From Autumn to Ashes blares throughout the house. KOLTON

THAT’S MY RAIQERS! YOUR 2020 OAKLAND I MEAN LAS VEGAS RAIDERS SEASON PREVIEW

Team Previews

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 27, 2020August 27, 2020

INT. RAIDERS TEAM HEADQUARTERS - DAY A team owner sits behind a large desk with noticeably rounded corners. He sets a binder on the desk, opens it, and begins speed-reading through its contents. After a few seconds he mutters "nothing new here" and sets it aside, then begins again with a

Why I Won’t Be Watching The NFL This Year: Your 2019 Homeless Raiders Season Preview

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 21, 2019August 21, 2019

In Big Daddy Balls' 2016 edition of "Why Your Team Sucks" for the Chicago Bears, the fan responses were a pretty standard collection of laments about the team's ineptitude and fan culture. Not exactly the place you'd look for a true revelation. But I found one there, and it took

From Worst to “Maybe they can pull off what the Browns are doing except with concentration camps in their state.”: A 2019 Arizona Cardinals Preview

Team Previews

blaxabbath - August 13, 2019August 14, 2019

Short Two Sentence Preview: The Arizona Cardinals are a dysfunctional franchise without competent leadership in the front office and, naming it's third head coach and third starting quarterback in three season, it's clear that Mike Bidwill and Steve Keim are banking that a drunk broken clock with no hour hand

That’s My Raiders! The New Class (Your 2018 Oakland Raiders Preview)

Team Previews

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 28, 2018October 7, 2018

EXT. OAKLAND RAIDERS SHARED HOUSE - DAY Establishing shot and title card. ANNOUNCER BETH MOWINS: That's My Ravens [sic] is filmed in front of a live studio auditorium [sic]. --- CUT TO - INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY SUNSHINE COWSER sits on the coach, reading Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" in its original Chinese.

2018-2019 Chicago Bears Preview

Team Previews

BrettFavresColonoscopy - August 9, 2018August 9, 2018

Photo Credit: Some Weird Youtube Video with Adrian Amos Every year of my football-watching life, the off-season has been a giant slog punctuated by tiny dopamine hits along the otherwise slow, cruel, and seemingly endless march to opening kickoff. As soon as the Super Bowl was over, I craved football's return.

Your 2018 “I’ll Keep my Money, Bisciotti” Baltimore Ravens Preview

jjfozz - August 8, 2018

Twenty years ago I bought my PSL for the Ravens. After i wrote the check I had $100 in my bank account, but having been brought up on football, and starving for the same, I was all in. This year I didn’t renew my tickets because I’m sick and motherfucking tired

No Ones 2017 – Texans Preview

Duchess - August 24, 2017August 24, 2017

There is a phenomenon you may have heard of called the Mandela Effect. This is the scariest thing you will find on the internet and the more you think about it the more you will be for internet censorship to keep these people away from each other. The internet has

To Bear Down or Not To Bear Down

Team Previews

BrettFavresColonoscopy - September 1, 2016August 30, 2016

That is the question. At the risk of stating the obvious, football is awesome. The hitting, the strategy, the fresh grass underfoot as your team of choice takes the field in that late summer warmth--they all fill you with excitement, anticipation, and joy. Yet there is a key ingredient required to

A Greatly Uninformed 2016 Detroit Lions Preview

Cuntler - August 31, 2016August 31, 2016

Head Coach: Jim Caldwell, baby! Key Players: Matthew Stafford (QB), Golden Tate (WR), Marvin Jones (WR), Ameer Abdullah (RB), DeAndre Levy (LB), Ezekiel Ansah (DE) Key Losses/Suspensions: MEGATRON. Nothing else matters. Notable Draft Picks: Taylor Decker (OT, Ohio State), A'Shawn Robinson (DT, Alabama), Graham Glasgow (C, Michigan), Miles Killebrew (Southern Utah) Notable Free Agent Signings: