Human Interest: Local Man Identifies As On Fire

Human Interest is an occasional series of stories investigating the whimsical side of our rich and diverse community.

News 7 Reporter Sandra Santos: Turn on your television, tune in on your radio, and chances are these days you’ll hear people talking about identity. But for one man — local small appliance repairman Omar Josephson — the events playing out in national headlines have a very personal relevance. That’s because Mr. Josephson identifies as on fire.

Local Small Appliance Repairman Omar Josephson: JESUS CHRIST IT BURNS SOMEONE HELP ME SOMEONE GET SOME WATER OR SOMETHING

Santos: As extraordinary as it may seem, Josephson said he has a strong conviction the he was born this way.

Josephson: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NO I DON’T IT WAS THIRTY SECONDS AGO HELP PLEASE

Santos: But to others in his neighborhood, his unusual self-concept is a mystery. Many have expressed skepticism and even bewilderment.

Retired Neighbor Harrison Wilkes: Say, is that man over there on fire? I can’t believe no one’s helping him! Isn’t anyone going to put him out?

Josephson: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Santos: And doctors say that Josephson has no apparent skin conditions or psychiatric disorders that might account for the burning sensation he reports feeling at all times.

Dr. Cecilia Powell, MD: Well, what I said was actually that that man is definitely on fire, and in fact he appears by now to have sustained third-degree burns over most of his body. There’s very little we can do at this point except to try and make him more comfortable.

Santos: I guess it’s true what they say: You’ve got to be comfortable with who you are. For News 7, I’m Sandra Santos.

This post features original art by make it snow.

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makeitsnowondem
make it snow is an alot of beer. He is also a Broncos fan living in Denver.
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montythisseemsstrangetome

I think they prefer to be called “Flaming-Americans”.

Cuntler

You really didn’t have to change JPP’s name. I think it is publicly known now.

scotchnaut

I like this god damn site.

/time for bed-SOMEBODY has to work Friday

scotchnaut

How do ketchup chips figure into this story? Because I’m eating ketchup chips.

ballsofsteelandfury

Btw, does Sandra Santos look anything like Yanet García?

King Hippo

Speaking of hot Mexican ladies (no ofence), I will be watchng Season 2 of “The Strain” pretty much solely due to Mia Maestro.

ballsofsteelandfury
King Hippo

Cards up 2-0 on the Dirt Stillers. This one’s for Bill Murray:

laserguru

Sides with Mr Murray on this topic.
Love you like a brother Mr Hippo but…

King Hippo

Tyrannacy of the phallus ,, smgdh

scotchnaut

BREAKING NEWS!

Ken Stabler might almost be close to not dying! Or not!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s confirmed: he’s with Al Davis now.

scotchnaut

Sure, like Pol Pot is going to let him into “The Inner Chamber” right off the hop. Rikki, your comment is how I know that you don’t know how Hell works. SMH

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pfft, anyone who REALLY knew how hell worked would be SMDH, because Shaking My Damned Head.

ballsofsteelandfury

SMDH should be on the indie band list.

King Hippo

Semi-pertinent!

Old School Zero

Side note: anyone know how those “Published by…” fancy blurbs show up at the bottom of some folks’ articles? I’m getting all jelly of them.

King Hippo

Hover over your little name/icon in upper right corner, then click “edit my profile.” Go to the “About Yourself” section and fill in “Biographical Info” box. Voila!

/my technical expertise is thusly exhausted

scotchnaut

I click on your profile and some dick with anger problems is pointing a gun at my head.

King Hippo

He just rightly notes that this is not Nam, this is bowling, there are rules.

I actually have a King Hippo avatar for this site, but my e-mail address links to another WordPress site (though it does NOT log into DFO, it DOES overrule the avatar for some weird reason ).

Anyhoo, I am too stupid and lazy too figure it out. So Walter Sobchek it is.

Let it be your constant reminder that a Canadian is really just an American without a gun.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I “log in with WordPress” every time and it seems to work okay, but God help me if it doesn’t. Or more accurately, God help Chris, because he’s the one who will have to bail me out.

scotchnaut

Hey, I’m stupid and lazy too! [declines to make salient/cutting remark about The America’s obsession with guns]

King Hippo

well, shit. Now I want to have THAT.

King Hippo

Not now, Willie. Mr. Van Houten has the floor.

scotchnaut

He should also identify as A LOUD TALKER.

scotchnaut

I missed that…

Old School Zero

“Man, I hate all the negative press Burning Man is getting.”

–Rich Tech Startup Douche

Horatio Cornblower

You know what makes this article? The original art.

ballsofsteelandfury

This was EXACTLY what I was going to post. It’s priceless.

laserguru

We need more individual art. Bad MS Paint included.
I cheat and use a digital camera because it can’t draw for shit.

WhyEaglesWhy

Everybody today has to be a special snowflake. I’m sure those flames were just mentally induced because he wanted a reality show on E! When are kids going to learn to be happy cogs like me and their grandpa were? DO YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN US, STEVIE?

King Hippo

HE’S ON THE RIGHT TRACK, BABY!!