Crossfit or Crucifix? (Revised)

Warthog

Warthog

Damn Kaiser.
Warthog

Latest posts by Warthog (see all)

Edit: My apologies for screwing up Word Press. This wasn’t supposed to go live for some time, but since I managed to post it, I’ll just go with it. I’ll consider it divine intervention.

I live in a churchy kind of place. Birthplace of Billy Graham, home to his son Franklin, and former home to Jim and Tammy Bakker of PTL infamy. Even the cows get into it.

As an outsider to all of this evangelical, fundamentalist, pentacostal type of religion (former Catholic, now Atheist) I’m fascinated by it. The rise of megachurches with all of their satellite campuses has been extra fun. Supporting their ministers’ need for bigger houses and newer jets requires a lot of $$$ and the need for #branding has become more urgent. Names for these churches have been punched up quite a bit. No more saint’s names or numbers (1st Baptist, 2nd Baptist, etc.), now it’s about #the brand. Not unlike local fitness centers. Driving around town, I’ve compiled a list of the names of these places, can you tell from the name which is a church and which is a gym? I’ve eliminated giveaway words like fellowship, ministry, fitness, gym, etc. from the names. May your god go with you and have a blessed day.

1. Waypoint

2. B.O.L.D.

3. I.M.P.A.C.T.

4. Rock

5. Bruised but not Broken

6. EDGE

7. Center for Balanced Living

8. Destined for Greatness

9. Sage Strength

10. Pure Vida

The answers are in the replies to RTD’s Puzzle Solutions.

 

 

Warthog

Damn Kaiser.

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Old School Zero
Member

Cross fit is the Scientology of stupid looking pull ups. Jim Fixx thinks it should pass away as early as possible.

I’d rather hear about some douchebag’s parkour/American Ninja Warrior gym than Cross Fit.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I was doing well in the beginning, but then lost the last three.

Where the h-e-double hockey sticks do you live anyways? Dang!

WCS
Member
King Hippo
Member

I guessed poorly, only went with 4 of the 10 as gyms, and only 2 of those 4 were correct. Sad Hippo. Sinful Hippo.

/don’t even lift, brah

scotchnaut
Member

Muscular Jesus gives Tony Dungy certain stirrings not felt since that day he accidentally walked in on Edgerrin James showering back in 2004.

King Hippo
Member

at least not miscegeneation, amirite??

Covalent Blonde
Member
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

Related but tangential: are there an inordinate number of Evangelical “youth pastors” and similar on American Ninja Warrior, or am I misperceiving? Is this what they do with all the excess energy the rest of us spend on sinning?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

You are correct and it is fucking scary.

SonOfSpam
Member

It’s so annoying, these fanatics who won’t stop talking about how their lives have meaning thanks to some unproven system of beliefs that always end up causing more harm than good.

Religious people are annoying too.

Sep
Member

Trick question. These are all churches.

blaxabbath
Member

What fucking website operates on Central Time?!

Duchess
Member

I always found the MMA camps that call themselves “Christ-jitsu” and/or “Jesus-Jitsu” funny

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

You should really try Jewdo (h/t to Christopher Moore)

packman_jon
Member
JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Isn’t that just Krav Maga?

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Lamb might be my favorite book ever. Well done.

blaxabbath
Member

You don’t have a 24 Hour Episcopal Church or LA Scientology?

I guess I’d just go do my preacher curls at the YMCA then.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

I just took some out-of-town friends on a little motor-tour of Los Angeles, from Hollywood to Downtown, and I pointed out with great pride and relish all the Scientology landmarks: the big hotel and the L. Ron Hubbard Life Exhibit on Hollywood Blvd., the Scientology Celebrity Center on Franklin, the huge blue Scientology ex-hospital on Sunset, etc etc etc.

Keep your mega-churches and what nots: nobody out-crazies the Scientologists, and they go crazy and crazy big. Very entertaining for all of us suppressives or whatever the fuck I am.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

But did you take them to Langer’s? How about tomorrow at 2?

make it snow
Member

no yes yes yes no no yes yes no no no no no yes no no yes no yes no yes yes

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I am going to insist that the acronyms (B.O.L.D. and I.M.P.A.C.T.) have to be gyms. Crossways really has me stumped, though.

monty this seems strange to me
Member

You misspelled
B
E
N
G
H
A
Z
I

blaxabbath
Member

The message is clear though:

Edge
Missionary
All Choirs
I.M.P.A.C.T
Lifebuilders
Sage Strength

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