Doug Martin has never been fond of the “Muscle Hamster” nickname that was bestowed upon him by his Boise State teammates.  Recently, he was praised by the NFL’s official twitter account, and took the occasion to reiterate his distaste for the moniker.  Doug probably should have learned by this point that, much like Jameis Winston’s advances, resistance only encourages your transgressors.  Here at [doorfliesopen] we like to think of ourselves as the type to make #branding #blessed #Mike’sHardLemonade out of lemons, so we came up with a few nicknames that Doug would probably like even LESS than “Muscle Hamster”.  Feel free to add your own.

MRSA Hamper
The Littlest Creamsicle
Two Yards and a Cloud of Doug
Locker Room Cancer-Hamster
Sonic the Buccaneer
Hamster Growth Hormone
Bobby Rainey
Hamtaro Ham-Ham
Cancer Muffin
MC Hamster
Please Hamster Don’t Get A Concussion
Armadillo Jamboree
Bustle Fastener
(after his inevitable injury) Muscle Pullster
(if he gets overweight) Mussel Hamper
Ground Beef
Schiano Man
Jameis Winston’s Friend Doug Martin
Jameis Winstons Fall Guy Doug Martin
Friendly Doug
Dave Meggett Jr.
My Favorite Muscle
Hamster McMuffin
Doug the Suckaneer
Fantasy Team Killer
Zap Rowlesdower
Douglas Yancy Funnie
Huscle Mamster
Richard Gere’s Hamster Love Muscle
Gerbil Ligament
Security Guard Speed
Ki-Jana Carter
Dirk Hardpeck
Jared Fogle
Rent Trichardson
That Fucking Guy That I Drafted Four Rounds Too Early
Christmas Ham-ster (Oh, sorry, I thought we were talking about Jeff Baca.)
Doug Fartin’
Hustle Cancer
The Condemning Lemming!
Trayvon
Cancer Merchant
Hamster Legstrong
Small Intestine