Think of this evening, the one where the 4th running back on your team tries to beat off the fifth fella, as the scorched brussel sprouts (really gran? for the 29th year in a row you didn’t cook them in bacon like everyone loves? god!) that you have to force down before you get to eat Cookie Puss. Just sit back and enjoy your soon-to-be practice squad quarterback panic and run for his life because he hasn’t adjusted to the speed of the pro game yet. I know it’s a long way down from the unrelenting quality of a regular season Thursday night game but we’ll suffer through it for the Greater Good(ell). Who’s with me? [tumble weed rolls by]  SHUT UP TUMBLE WEED! I WAS TALKING! Anyway…I’ve got a few predictions as to what will happen tonight and in the near future.

-Bills GM Doug Whaley will cut Ryan Fitzpatrick, showing everyone in Buffalo that he is the boss

-Jets fans will continue to cut themselves

-A Jerrah Jones escort, upon seeing his naked body will say to him, “Get me to a nunnery.”

-T.J. Yates will no longer be in the league

-The Eagles new simian mascot, Chimp Kelly,  will go over like gang busters but shortly thereafter will die due to a dreadful misunderstanding and the resulting  ingestion of numerous types of batteries

-The Raiders theme song this year will be “It Doesn’t Really Matter” by Platinum Blonde

-Houston will FINALLY get an NFL franchise

-A backup Chiefs QB will successfully throw a 15 yard out pattern-fans of the team will question themselves as to whether they really saw that happen

-A small child will absolutely wreck The Star-Spangled Banner before a game. His/her parents will be very understanding. Kidding! Their actions will eventually result in the child eventually developing a drug habit.

-In the 4th quarter of each of these games the ratio of white players to all other players will increase dramatically

Now it’s your turn-tell me what’s going to go down.