Hi, I’m Tom Brady and I have Direct TV.
And I’m Evil Tom Brady and I have cable.
That I steal from my neighbor.
With Direct TV I get crystal clear images from thousands of channels, any time I want.
With Cable I get several dozen channels, some of which I can use to distract that kid I had with Bridget Whatsername right before I hooked up with the Victoria’s Secret model whose name I forget.
With Direct TV I…wait, “the Victoria’s Secret model whose name I forget”? The fuck? Dude we married Gisele! We have two kids with her! And it’s Bridget Moynahan, not Whatsername you fucking asshole. We have a kid with her too for Christ’s sake! So things didn’t work out, show some respect.
With cable I can get soft-core por…Oh, you want to start talking shit handsome alter ego!? Just because your cheekbones don’t look like Victor Frankenstein had a few too many shots of Malort and decided to make a few “improvements” with a hand-axe?
Look you want to keep getting sponsorship opportunities or you want to continue our descent towards becoming the most hated man in the NFL outside of New England? I don’t know about you but I’ll be goddamned if I retire anywhere near Worcester or, God forbid, Holyoke.
That’s all well and good but don’t dump all your crap on me handsome. You watched the same practice tapes from the other teams I did and you knew as much about the deflated balls as I do and we both know good and goddamn well that Hernandez was only covering up for your “arrangement” with Whitey Bul..
HEY, HEY, HEY WHOAAAAAAAA there Igor. There’s no need to go (literally) digging up bodies like that! You want us to lose all that Uggs money? We’re probably going to need it since Gisele found out about you and Ben and the nanny and those llamas. And God knows I can’t afford to fix your bone structure on my NFL salary.
YOU LEAVE THE LLAMAS OUT OF THIS!!!!
Look, let’s just get through this, cash the check and then we’ll go out and spike Tony Romo’s energy drink with rohypnol.
Wait, you’re not already doing that?
Believe it or not no; those post-season tragedies are all him.
Jesus, that’s just awful.
Agreed. Let’s get this done and get out of here. There’s a nanny outside with a brace of llamas.
Don’t be this me; get Direct TV and get busy enjoying the NFL in all it’s incompetent, hypocritical glory!
Whatever. I’m killing a hobo tonight anyway
Roger Goodell: I had this theory…wait a minute, Evil Tom Brady’s scar is on the wrong side. He couldn’t have been the evil left twin. That means the evil twin is, and always has been, Tom Brady!
Tom Brady: Oh, don’t look so shocked.
At last! Interaction between the real guy and the DirecTV contrived character. And they get along–I knew it!
/standing ovation
Holy shitballs, this is glorious! So good!
DFO is on fucking fire today. Well done everyone!
IM BEN AND I HAVE SATULIGHT
IM BEN AND I HAVE CABEL
WITH DRECKTV I CAN PLAY PEW PEW
WITH CABEL I BONER GIRLS EVEN IF THEY JOKE ‘NO BEN’
WAIT I DO THAT
WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS
OKAY YOU HAVE CHOCO TACO?
WAIT JUST ABOUT DONE WITH MAID LADY
This is glorious!!!
TIL a group of llamas is called a cria herd
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I’m a homer but this is FAWKIN AMAZEBALLGAZI
I had kicked around how to do one of these for a while and I’m glad to see one done well.
AND YOU LEAVE THE LLAMAS OUT OF THIS!
Fuck both of these Tom Bradys with an arsenic coated lead pipe
“Wouldn’t it be easier just to give the pipe to your husband, have him slip on a ski mask and hit them in the kneecap with the pipe?” – Tonya Harding
Nice work. So are we picking songs on here today or what? It has become something I really look forward to on Frid….oh wait, sexy Friday is back? Never mind. My Friday afternoon just got booked.
[checks for sarcasm] Aw…Request Line is on hiatus until the offseason – figure with the games over the weekends there’s more than enough to keep us entertained.
Well, I’ll put in a keeper for later, anway.
I’ve had this song in my head ever seeing these guys at the local Irish festival last month. They’re damned good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGxiaG4y91c
No sarcasm. I really enjoyed the posts. I also plan to reverse image search pictures of girls on my work computer for the next two hours.
You are right though, plenty of stuff to keep us busy and commenting through the season.