Taste the Pants-Free Lifestyle-Your Late Games Open Thread

I don’t know about you but it looks like an absolutely beautiful fall day out there. A great day to work in the yard, as a matter of fact. But I won’t be doing that AT ALL. Because of the football, you see. Glorious, glorious games with frothing at the mouth giants trying to disembowel some other guy because he prefers to wear a uniform with a different colour on it. Existential, huh? No? Well, umm, here are the games…

Det vs SD: Melvin Gordon makes his debut against last year’s best rushing defense. Sure there are Suh pieces missing but Melvin [giggles quietly to himself] has some work to do. Welcome to the NFL buddy. These teams rarely play each other so that’s important. The Bolts have 8-8 written all over them.

Ten at TB: I can only assume that this will be the featured game because the NFL is a stupidhead. Titans! Bucs! Oh My! Mariota begins the massive uphill struggle that is getting acclimated to the whys, wherefores and whatchamacallits of the pro game. Evans plans to play but if he’s a no-go don’t blame me for starting him in fantasy. (hamstrings are a such dicey thing with wideouts) Winston gets the start and I miss Giraffe already.

Cin at Oak: This one is for all the chili that you can pour over Ramen noodles. Hey, we’re on a budget! The dangerous (to himself) Dalton has quality help in Green and Hill and he’ll need it because it looks like Khalil Mack is the second coming of [insert name of your favourite defensive player here]. Cincy has never won in Oakland-they’re 0-9.

Bal at Den: This here is the feature game for the 4:25(?) slot. E.S.T. RULES! Apparently the Broncs are dialing it back on O because Peyton can’t feel his fingers or somesuch. I don’t get what the big deal is, I hardly have any feelings at all and I’m fine. Although CJ is a fine back the Ravens are always quite stuffy on D so we’ll see where that goes. Smith, Sr., just get this year over with so that you can get into the booth and be the most interesting talking head since David Byrne.

NO vs Ari: Carson is back! Fans are hoping that last year’s surprising-est team (9 games in) that flew under most folks radar is back and that the window to glory is still open. On paper that seems to be the case. On the other side, Brees has to adjust to the loss of Graham, an aging Colston and the addition of Spiller. Regarding Spiller, and I never get tired of saying this, “He can’t run between the tackles!”. I think Brees will manage just fine with these new variables. If his arm was chewing gum I’d say that there’s still some flavour left. Not sure about that D though…

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blaxabbath

Arians ready to spike his inside Oakleys on that penalty.

King Hippo

No horsecollar, just a beautiful, bonecrushing tackle.

NOW LET’S GET BACK IN LONG FG RANGE, MEN!!

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly
WCS

“When father says the trust fund is being withheld until you clean the yacht.”

— best tweet I read as a caption

Romonobyl

Flacco almost got snapped in half.

WCS

ELITESACK

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Jameis Winston makes poor decisions? WHO KNEW

King Hippo

He’s basically Lenny from Of Mice and Men. But rapey.

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

Ooh making literary references, how sexy

blaxabbath

Which QB is Tampa Bay going to take with the first overall pick next year?

Covalent Blonde

One of the Magnums?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

HACKenberg

MikeWallaceAndGromit

How the fuck you doin’ boys?!

blaxabbath

7.9/10.

And thank you for asking!

makeitsnowondem

Fuckin’ great.

Romonobyl

Still sober.

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Shoot Jeeem and Phil into the sun.

makeitsnowondem

I’m opposed to allowing Jeem and Pheel anything to do with something as important as the Sun. We should shoot them into the Kuiper Belt.

Romonobyl

When does Payton Manning find time for the footballing?

blaxabbath

So TB…..back to back 1st overall picks?

laserguru

You know what’s a really good idea? Drink a bunch of beers and then go light a fire.
Woo-hoo it’s grilling time.

blaxabbath

Door Flies Open?

WCS

Cheryl/Carol agrees with the drinking and lighting fires part.

Covalent Blonde

In your skilled and practiced hands, I am positive it is a wonderful choice!

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

I wish Iloka would’ve dropped a big T bag, he missed a premier opportunity there

blaxabbath

I have no idea what a good fantasy score is in these leagues. So. Many. Players.

makeitsnowondem

It’s looking like 130 will usually be good for a win the first few weeks in my league. That’s going to drop a lot as stars get hurt, though.

Covalent Blonde

No, no, Blax. Our commish misspoke. He meant to say that if you break 100 you are clearly an adroit FF god and will be crowned champion forever…. oh god my team is so bad…

makeitsnowondem

And that’s my first “Fuck you, Phil Simms” of the season.

King Hippo

Long-ass FG time again!

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Jameis Winston is the 2nd TB rookie quarterback to throw a pick six on his first attempt.

I usually hate those little trivia overlays, but I love that one so much.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

He’s continuing the tradition of shitty ex-FSU QBs.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Dear GOD MANNING’S forehead continues its retreat from his face…

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

I hate myself for enjoying the direct TV high pitched Peyton commercial the first 5 times I saw it :/

blaxabbath

So what game is Goodell at this week?

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

Of Thrones

John Difool
John Difool

The one where people have hunger.

John Difool
John Difool

Broncos, Ravens and now Zebras going down. Sports Authority Stadium just turned into The Serengeti Plain.

blaxabbath

Where’s Walter Palmer?!

blaxabbath

When am I going to start getting pressured by the NFL to go to Jared and lease a Lexus for Christmas?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Halloween

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

After watching the new series, Code Black, this Fall on CBS

WCS

During tonight’s game.

Romonobyl

I don’t know if Jared has a Lexus…but I heard his Econoline van is available!

Lord Joe Don Looney
Lord Joe Don Looney

Aren’t you a little old for Jared?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Ref down, we have a ref down.

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

As long as it’s not sassy ref. My life would be over.

blaxabbath

Where is that broad refing this week? Guessing MNF?

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

He was at browns/jets

WCS

REF DOWN! REF DOWN!

makeitsnowondem

Should’ve been you, Bill Vinovich.

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

This is what we practiced for in the preseason!
http://i.imgur.com/7drHiqr.gif

Romonobyl

We have a dead zebra on the field.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

That asshole dentist strikes again!

blaxabbath

Who needs a fullback when you got a backup center?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

That was the slowest explosive play I’ve seen in a while.

Thrillhouse
Thrillhouse

Strong taek: Mariota might be good.

blaxabbath

Fells is just big.

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

This Titans/Bucs game is fucking awesome

blaxabbath

That’ll make my list of unexpected comments.

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

TBH, mostly because i did a year at Oregon and Jameis is fucking up

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

Guys I just wanted share the reason I couldn’t drink for A WHOLE SEASON

King Hippo

That’s alot to live up to!!

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

D’AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Loogit the baby!

Covalent Blonde

Very nice! Good luck! So far things are looking good for you!

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

So early. The Ging generally shits his pants halfway through the 3rd quarter

laserguru

Outstanding

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Too cute! (Oh, the baby as well.)

John Difool
John Difool

That’s borderline child abuse.

WCS

That lovely, lovely child, already cursed to be a Bengals fan.

makeitsnowondem

KotW

makeitsnowondem

Von Miller just put an elite indentation in the turf.

King Hippo

WOO!!!

laserguru

Oh yes the always delightful commercial break followed by kickoff for touch back followed by commercial break.
Dear NFL it’s not the product that the rest of the world doesn’t appreciate, it’s the fucking commercials. I would pay extra just to save a few brain cells if you would stop shoving commercials up our asses.
Thank you for your time.

blaxabbath

Taking the GF to the Cards Week 3 game vs 49ers. We’re watching today and trying to pick out which player should be her favorite. After she passed on Fitz, I just suggested she get a pink Leinart jersey.

John Difool
John Difool

Conrad Dobler

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Marmalardception…what, huh, fuck you

blaxabbath

Can’t trade that dude either!

VonTazeMeBro
VonTazeMeBro

Amateur here, how do I post a photo?

Covalent Blonde

Image location should work

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

A link should usually auto embed, but ot depends on the source.

Covalent Blonde

Also, check that the link ends in a .jpg, etc.

Romonobyl

It usually starts with performing a bizarre sexual favor for a Moderator…

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Make sure that the link ends with the image file – http://www.example.com/shittychili.jpg for example.

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

Do comments disappear off the deep end after a while?

blaxabbath

Maybe Aldon Smith comments.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

They disappear behind an arrow that says “older comments”.

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Laserface just threw a derpception and Detroit is up by 10

blackroseMD1

Whoever called that play needs to be beaten. That’s twice now they’ve thrown on third and short.

Frank Reich/Mike McCoy is an idiot.

blaxabbath

Other team: Some
Raiders: 0

WHERE IS THE PARODY!?

blaxabbath

I don’t know much…but I know the guy from Empire is in jail.

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

I think he got in trouble for letting the dogs out.

Romonobyl

So it was him!

Romonobyl

Year of the Kicker.

King Hippo

where is my panic button?

YAY, kicker!!!

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Holy fuck, it’s like the Chargers are trying to give the game to the Lions.

King Hippo

Missing that throw is very worrisome.

makeitsnowondem

Well, his arm strength’s evidently okay.

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Fuck it. I’ve given the zantac half an hour. I think I can start drinking now.

Dragon’s Milk at 11% ABV should be safe on my touchy stomach, right?

makeitsnowondem

It’s a very mild 11%. Love that beer.

blaxabbath

So do the Saints pay whatshisfaceholdout now?

blaxabbath

Seahawks. Whatever.
Fuck it all.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Doubt it. Paul Allen has drawn the line.

blaxabbath

Fuck – I hope the Rams aren’t for real this year.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

They were looking pretty good. TOUGH defense, and Foles looked decent (and durable) at QB.

Covalent Blonde

So, do you think improves Chancellor’s chances of signing?

blaxabbath

Christ – if the Ram’s defense actually hits its potential…well, they still won’t make the playoffs but the Cards/Hawks will be destroyed before their first post-season games.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Dear god I hate being able to hear Pey Pey ramble on and fucking on at the line.

blaxabbath

OMaha?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Kvetch kvetch stoopid Seahawks grumble grumble.

With that out of the way, how the hell is everyone today?

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Not nearly drunk enough.

makeitsnowondem

You guys, I love Emmanuel Sanders so much.

King Hippo

Quite the upgrade over Decker/Welkah.

Thrillhouse
Thrillhouse

Winston’s first career pass is a pick six? Sweet, sweet karma.

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Oh, damn. I bet you Lovie almost showed some emotion on that one.