Taste the Pants-Free Lifestyle-Your Late Games Open Thread

I don’t know about you but it looks like an absolutely beautiful fall day out there. A great day to work in the yard, as a matter of fact. But I won’t be doing that AT ALL. Because of the football, you see. Glorious, glorious games with frothing at the mouth giants trying to disembowel some other guy because he prefers to wear a uniform with a different colour on it. Existential, huh? No? Well, umm, here are the games…

Det vs SD: Melvin Gordon makes his debut against last year’s best rushing defense. Sure there are Suh pieces missing but Melvin [giggles quietly to himself] has some work to do. Welcome to the NFL buddy. These teams rarely play each other so that’s important. The Bolts have 8-8 written all over them.

Ten at TB: I can only assume that this will be the featured game because the NFL is a stupidhead. Titans! Bucs! Oh My! Mariota begins the massive uphill struggle that is getting acclimated to the whys, wherefores and whatchamacallits of the pro game. Evans plans to play but if he’s a no-go don’t blame me for starting him in fantasy. (hamstrings are a such dicey thing with wideouts) Winston gets the start and I miss Giraffe already.

Cin at Oak: This one is for all the chili that you can pour over Ramen noodles. Hey, we’re on a budget! The dangerous (to himself) Dalton has quality help in Green and Hill and he’ll need it because it looks like Khalil Mack is the second coming of [insert name of your favourite defensive player here]. Cincy has never won in Oakland-they’re 0-9.

Bal at Den: This here is the feature game for the 4:25(?) slot. E.S.T. RULES! Apparently the Broncs are dialing it back on O because Peyton can’t feel his fingers or somesuch. I don’t get what the big deal is, I hardly have any feelings at all and I’m fine. Although CJ is a fine back the Ravens are always quite stuffy on D so we’ll see where that goes. Smith, Sr., just get this year over with so that you can get into the booth and be the most interesting talking head since David Byrne.

NO vs Ari: Carson is back! Fans are hoping that last year’s surprising-est team (9 games in) that flew under most folks radar is back and that the window to glory is still open. On paper that seems to be the case. On the other side, Brees has to adjust to the loss of Graham, an aging Colston and the addition of Spiller. Regarding Spiller, and I never get tired of saying this, “He can’t run between the tackles!”. I think Brees will manage just fine with these new variables. If his arm was chewing gum I’d say that there’s still some flavour left. Not sure about that D though…

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synapticmisfiresDefensive Back Mike WallaceWe want the ball and oh shitMoose -The End Is Well NighMartin Recent comment authors
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Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Dear Progressive,
Please go back to the talking box commercials. At least those have Chris Parnell.

Martin

I’m just going to click this

http://martin-ksk.tumblr.com/random

And post whatever comes up until the game actually begins.

Martin
Martin
Martin
Martin
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice!

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Fucking nice!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jeff Fisher: I didn’t think we’d score that much with Nick Foles.

entropy

Chip Kelly: I didn’t think ANYONE would.

entropy

Cutler should just say don’t care and walk off.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Oh great Jimmy Fallon. Because Football Night in America wasn’t intolerable enough.

Martin

He slid into Leno’s role as a company man perfectly.

entropy

Had to check el beisbol, Mets won again. Time for more beer.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cold night on the subway no pants.

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Martin

No.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Eli Manning’s mom fixed microwaves while she was pregnant with him or something right?

entropy

He ate a lot of paint chips as a child.

Doktor Zymm

Guys. GUYS. I totally grew a cucumber on my back porch. A full-size, girthsome, cucumber. I OWN PLANTS AND I WILL EAT THEIR YOUNG!

Romonobyl
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is a joke here somewhere.

My plants feed the fucking (literally) neighborhood overrun rabbits.

IronAvenger6491
IronAvenger6491

You’re like the Immortan Joe of plant growers..

Martin

Immortan Joe had a pretty dope ass garden.

Martin

Rape, Kill, Eat.

Not judging which order you do that, Doc.

Duchess

I grew tomatoes… the birds loved that shit… next time I’m getting a net.

Martin

comment image:large

Romonobyl
Martin

Jameis Winston wants to remind you that it’s possible to carry too much spare tire.

Duchess

in our 20 team league i was better off starting injured Gino Smith than Flacco who is netting -10 points

entropy

Manning gave me -.53. Fitzpatrick got 28.73. Shoot me now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Martin
JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Jesus Christ I literally hate EVERYTHING about “Football Night in America”.

It makes me hate my freedom.

makeitsnowondem

I don’t know why no one’s ordered a drone strike on it. I really don’t.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I detest every single person on this show. Its like the perfect storm of sanctimonious bullshit. It epitomizes everything wrong with the NFL.

LeighAnne
LeighAnne

I’m watching ESPN. They’re discussing Bal/Den and being REALLY careful about not saying “Peyton’s arm is gone.”

Martin
Doktor Zymm

First week overreations. THE BILLS/CHIEFS/RAMS are going to the super bowl!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also rookies suck, rookies going to be HoFers!!

entropy

The Eagles haven’t lost yet, so in my region the parade is still scheduled in their honor.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

DAMN STRAIGHT WE ALL ARE!

MORE ABSINTHE FOR EVERYONE!

entropy

LH PUTTGRASS SIGNING OFF AND HEADED FOR THE TUB!! ALERT TED KOPPEL!

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

Solid reference. We are old, by the way

We want the ball and oh shit
We want the ball and oh shit

God Bless Bloom County.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Martin

At least Andrew Luck is only plucking and spreading his beard hair around the room in that commercial.

Romonobyl
Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jesus, Winston has the poise of Blaine Gabbert.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

And the Body of Jamarcus Russell

entropy

Jesus. I think he felt those, you guys.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And the arrest record of Darren Sharper.

entropy

For a shit game, Bal-Den ended well.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well that wasn’t supposed to be a reply, but no pants happy.

http://31.media.tumblr.com/68b4054ca28b3d3c02bf14a5d0db0e54/tumblr_mr6fwzDnsm1szbh2oo1_500.gif

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Aight kids, I’ll see you tonight. Try not to burn the place down while I’m gone.

makeitsnowondem

I’ll take it.

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

I feel better. Not good, but better

King Hippo

Season still looks dicey. Agreed. But loved the defensive effort. And the kicker’s now a badass.

King Hippo

Helluva play by Bruton to knock the ball away in the first place.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Skynet Manning beats the shitbirds again.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

comment image

Damn it Joe!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Jut digestifs
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JhgisfzihgjgchgfcphgxufdxojjhigfxyffditutfgogUhgfifxzijhguvc

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Send a bambulance for Sill!

Doktor Zymm

As much fun as Winston picks are, I would much rather see a really painful Winston injury. I usually don’t root for injuries, but I make an exception for people I think are real pieces of shit.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Or a Ryan Leaf-esque career, complete with post-NFL legal problems.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Heckuva pick.
Orange fuckers.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

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Jvitdihgviteayesaigfc

Gratliff

PEYTON DOES IT AGAIN!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

ELITECEPTION

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