Coach Duchess’ Guide to Little League – Part III

/Blows whistle

Alright, boys bring it in, bring it in. Settle down and take a knee. I said take a knee as in singular Skylar do it right or I’ll run you all until I throw up.

Ok good, It been a good couple of practices and I commend you all on your work ethic. Hell Everyone out on this field deserves a good round of applause for picking to play the greatest game in the world.
I want to ask you guys… How many people does it take to score a basket in basketball? One. How many people does it take to hit a home run? One. How many people does it take to score a touchdown? Eleven. Because everybody has got a job to do and if you do your job we will be unbeatable. Sure the sports news and what not will talk about how many Touchdowns a running back will get, but frankly that running back would have been on his ass had it not been for all the blocking. Ya’ll Understand? Good. I want you all to watch something.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gaHewzBI3U

If those hits don’t get you excited I don’t know why you are out here. All ya’ll are 8-9 yrs old now… So what’s the deal with all this crying? Come on now. This is dadgum football boys you’re gonna get banged up you’re gonna get bruised… you’re gonna get hurt. You heard me right you’re gonna get hurt. And what’s the difference between being hurt and injured? That’s right. If you’re hurt you cans till play and if you’re injured you can’t. Hell, I’m going to tell you a story about the roughest toughest 12 yr old I ever coached. This kid was tough he was the grandson of an NFL player so he was bred for the sport. Named Rex and played right tackle for me. One game we had a tough one against those hick jack-asses from Chantilly and Rex, well, he got a little banged up. He came over to me face wet like he’s been crying. He told me his head hurt. We’ll I sat him on the bench and told him are you hurt or are you injured? Because it was a big game and his team needed him. Does he think he can go out there and play some more for his teammates? He said yes. And by golly you could see him out there getting in his 3 point stance fighting back the pain and taking it out on the other kids. Sure after the game his MOM took him to see a doctor and he missed the next 3 weeks due to a concussion.

Which brings me to my next point. Don’t go to a damn doctor if you’re hurt. Their number one job is to tell you to stop playing football. Guess what boys I’ve played and coached football longer than you boys have been alive. Who do you think knows more about whether or not you should be out there a doctor who doesn’t want to get sued, or me your coach? That’s right, me. Boys, this is football and we are all family. Sure I may yell at you but that only means I care about you. Doctors, well they don’t care about you those greedy little assholes only want to run expensive tests on you that your parents have to pay for. Why to tell you to take a week or two off of football?

Lastly pregame chants. I don’t believe in them let the other team whoop and holler around like a bunch of… zoo animals. Act like you’ve been there before. And god forbid I hear one of you boys say something about “protecting your house”, or whose house?” Look at me boys \, now I mean it. I don’t give a flip about whose house it is our, house, their house a dog house or an out-house… I’m not out here to play house like a dadgum sissy. I play football. Got that? Good bring it in, Team on three than grab a quick shot of water and come back for some Oklahoma. Not you Skylar, you stay right here you didn’t earn water.

New Parent Orientation
New Coach Orientation
Player Orientation
Team Parents Orientation