NFL Broadcast Maps, Week Three

Here’s 506 Sports’ Broadcast maps for Week 3. As always, these are subject to change, and I’ll post the updated one on Sunday morning.

Week Three, Broadcast Maps

National primetime games are as follows:

TNF: Redskins @ Giants

SNF: Broncos @ Lions

MNF: Chiefs @ Packers

Except the Chiefs @ Packers, this is a poor slate of primetime games. Although the way the Chiefs play it will either be a heartbreaking loss for them or an inexplicable win (on the way to a 9-7 or 10-6 season in which they fail to qualify for the playoffs)

As for the Sunday afternoon games, we unfortunately have a repeat of the same 10-3 early:late game ratio as last week.  Stop doing that please.  We also have at least three instances of College-influenced secondary market splotching (CISMS)

CBS early features Chargers-Vikings throughout a diagonal corridor from San Diego to Michigan (the power of Float compels you, the power of Float compels you).  Steelers-Rams is shown in a wide swarth of Appalachia, the Coastal South, up through to Texas, plus the Pacific Northwest and most of Arizona for some reason (christ those fucking Steelers retirees). Jags-Patriots are in their native markets, same with Bengals-Ravens.  The Johnny Football experience is being broadcast in his collegial hunting grounds of the wasteland between Dallas and Houston. One these teams will have a winning record after Week 3, which undoubtedly exceeded expectations greatly (of course with the fortune these two franchises have as of late, this is ending in a 6-6 tie).  Colts-Titans are in their native markets, with most of Oregon and the Gadsden Purchase (I have no fucking clue about that one).  The way things have been, I am going to assume Oregon is going to look like the Holy Roman Empire circa 1750 whenever the Titans play on CBS and it’s not in the same timeslate as the Seahawks.

CBS late features most of the country being mercilessly forced to watch Seahawks-Bears with Jeem & Phil.  When the fuck did CBS do NFC-only games?  Well, if you hate the Bears, you get to watch them die in the most ignominious way plausible. Bills-Dolphins in the Northeast and Florida with another Texas A&M induced CISMS.  Hey, you bastards remember Tannehill was the Aggies QB right, it’s not like there anything else to do on a Sunday in College Station anyway.

Fox early features Falcons-Dallas in most of the country so at least you may be able to enjoy the Double J’s misery.  Eagles-Jets is in the Northeast (except Boston) plus PA and DE with Miami mixed in (I don’t know what the connection is there either).  Bucs-Texans is limited to their native markets.  Panthers-Saints is featured in that lucrative Northeast Arkansas market. Maybe that’s where Cam hide all his Auburn money.   49ers-Cards is this week’s FEMA quarantine map game, highlighted by a not-too subtle middle finger in Minnesota.  This is divine foretelling how the Cards will have another great season only to lose Palmer Week 17 and get blow out by the shitty NFC South team that makes the 3-6 Wild Card game.

If you do not have Sunday Ticket or are not planning on going to a bar, this is going to be a brutal Sunday past the early slate for most of you.

Enjoy.