Your Early Slate O’ Games Open Thread

Let’s do some games…

Atl @ Dal: Cowboys QB play should be wince-ertaining. Wouldn’t it be great if Dez threw a tantrum while watching from the sidelines? Falcons CB Trufant should take Williams out of the game leaving Potden with…Dunbar out of the backfield? Witten might be able to do something I guess. The other JJ, the one that doesn’t embarrass himself on a near weekly basis, Julio Jones, just keeps rolling along.

Ind @ Ten: This is where the Colts O busts out, right? They did play against two above average D’s (Bills, Jets)- not that that should be an excuse but I thought Luck was better than that. Mariotta has thrown 6 TD’s with no picks at this point but hey, it’s early. There’s plenty of time to come back down  to earth.

Cle @ Oak: The Raiders showed some moxy last week, transferring their impending loss over to the Ravens with only seconds to spare. Now they’re off to see the wizard, uh, Browns. Oakland has lost 19 of their last 20 road games which is impressive and not surprising simultaneously. Browns are down to just 3 DB’s-Pierre Desir (no relation to Pierre Garcon) is to play opposite Haden. At QB McCown is up to bat.

Cin @ Bal: Bengals are 2-0? How’d that get past me? Oh yeah, I don’t care. Surprisingly it’s Eifert leading the team in receiving but I’ve no doubt that Green will speed by soon. Perhaps as early as today. The Ravens #1 corner, Jimmy Smith has given up 10 catches on 16 targets for 141 yards. That’s not what a shutdown gets paid for. Flacco’s buddies in the passing game not named Smith include the likes of Kamar Aiken and Crockett Gillmore. If that’s the case I’m leaning towards Cincy in this one.

Jax @ NE: I hate New England-just putting that out there. That said, this game is a foregone conclusion and the Pats will be 3-0 because there is so much evil in the world.

NO @ Car: Use the running game, Luke! That thing featuring Ingram and Spiller? That one that’s mediocre at best? Yeah, that one. Kuechly is out again but NO is a fat mess right now so it doesn’t much matter. Carolina rolls easy here.

Phi @ NYJ: Philly needs this one desperately and may be without Murray’s complete lack of production. That Kiko Alonso trade has paid huge dividends [makes wanking motion] He’s out after making 7 tackles in two games. Could we see Geno? Probably not but we may not see Decker, Revis and Ivory either. The Jets have forced 10 TO’s in the last two weeks! All hail the Jets DC who is…Kacy Rodgers? Never heard of the guy.

TB @ Hou: This is the sort of game that the average football fan, realizing it’s his only option, would say to himself, “TB/Houston? What did I do to deserve this? [pauses for a moment] Actually, perhaps I should stop masturbating to mental images of that cashier at the drug store that I think might be 18 or so. It’s so hard to tell these days.”

SD @ Min: Covered by Yeah Right.

Pit @ StL: Not sure what to make of this game. The Rams should be able to get after Ben and put pressure on the potent passing game but Bell is back and should have a big one. Gurley is scheduled to play but it sounds like he is hobbled. Hmm. I’ll take the Steelers wearing down the StL D and pulling away in the 4th.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Lothar of the Hill People

Poor girl should put some clothes on–she looks cold.

Sill Bimmons

PANTZSACK

Spur

Is Dave Campo calling plays for Dallas?

King Hippo

Next week – Jerral World meets Cassel-vania??

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

St. Louis calls the play that injured Big Ben “Motorcycle”

JustStopDude
WCS

There’s never time to eat at your own wedding.

— Love, Dad

PS, you’re out of the will

Sill Bimmons

This is true…

King Hippo

WHY NO GENO, JETS?

Redshirt

Lock up your daughters. Big Ben might be out for the rest of the year.

Bortleback

Or just keep them in buildings that aren’t wheelchair-accessible

Sill Bimmons
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

So you’re saying she’s Big Ben’s physical therapist?

Bortleback

Whether she likes it or not

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’m hoping the Jets sign a pale white quarterback named Brad Ebony.

King Hippo

Murray? PRESENT!!

Raiders gon’ playoff? CHUH CHUH!

Spur

The Falcons adjusted. The Cowboys didn’t. Pretty much expected.

ProzacElf

Wow, this Cowboys/Falcons game is shockingly entertaining considering that I’ve barely been paying attention to it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Romonobyl

I hate football.

Old School Zero

So say we all.

Bortleback

I’ve never been able to take Vick seriously since he admitted a couple of years ago that Chip Kelly was the first coach who taught him how to carry the ball properly as a runner – y’know, that thing that you see announcers demonstrating at least once a year after a RB gets benched for fumblitis. Apparently old Mike just hadn’t bothered listening to past coaches on how to carry the ball.

Horatio Cornblower

Anyone else flip past the cliff diving on Fox Sports and have to stop and watch a couple of dives?

92′ jumps. A quadruple quad coming up. It is insane.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

There was an ancient computer game (Apple IIGS) called World Games that introduced a young Mayhem to cliff diving. I always strove to do an absolutely perfect dive into the last rock possible.

In retrospect, my parents probably should have taken that as a caution.

Lothar of the Hill People

THE BEN THIRD LEG STILL WORK, LADIES!

Horatio Cornblower

Whether you like it or not.

Sill Bimmons

Can I at least get a RODDYDOWN?

Old School Zero

Game over, San Diego, game over.

Lothar of the Hill People

Case in point. The Ravens guy down for an injury burned more time (before the refs stopped the cock) than the Ravens “saved” taking the untimed down. So does that mean Harbaugh was a savant who knew that he’d lose that time because of an injury?

Bortleback

He’s a savant without the extraordinary ability.

Spur

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King Hippo

Leg owie indeed. Eeep.

WCS

hippofant

Is this not a penalty for hitting a QB below the knees?

JustStopDude

The defensive player was basically pushed to the ground by the offensive lineman. In real time, its pretty clear it was not an intentional hit.

Lothar of the Hill People

WTF? It’s no stroke of genius to take an untimed down at the end of the quarter. It’s not prescient. If you want to conserve time down one TD, you just run the hurry-up for a few plays.

The Ravens will waste more time setting up for a FG than they saved on that one play. And for all they know, it’ll be Cincinnati who will benefit from having an extra 20 seconds on the clock at the end of the game.

Stop fellating Harbaugh, you pustulent penises.

Sill Bimmons

Holy FUCKBALLS Marmalard

Horatio Cornblower

I expect better decisions from a Harvard man Fitzpatrick! Throwing into double-coverage like that is the sort of boorish behavior I expect from a Yalie.

Sill Bimmons
Gratliff

Matt Ryan broke your ankles with a move? You’re cut. That’s how that should work.

WCS

I guess you could say that he “froze” the opponent?

YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Brocky

So… how’s life gentlemen. Is it too early to say jets gonna jet?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

No, their offense blows, do as you please.

WCS

Well, THE BEN HAVE LEG OWIES, so Sill and I are mixing bleach and ammonia in the bathtub.

Spur

Dallas defense is gassed. This could get bad.

hippofant

I just watched a Josh McCown throw and said out loud, “That’s a nice pass.”

I…. I don’t know what’s happening any more.

blordinaryfagicmox

That Josh McCown pass made Cade McNown look like Luke McCown!

Horatio Cornblower

When is Direct TV just gonna break down and do Robot-Neck Peyton Manning?

It’s sad that I can’t remember the last year the Jets had a functional offense.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

The NFL allowed a game to be paused to check on a player?!?

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Lothar of the Hill People

It still amazes me that the networks promote/advertise games that will be shown on other networks. I recall the days when a network wouldn’t acknowledge that there were games on other networks. When I was a kid, I thought there were two different leagues, one for CBS and for NBC.

Modderific

That is obviously The Shield’s doing.

WCS

WE WATCHED JIM NABORS ON STEVE ALLEN ON THE DUMONT NETWORK AND IT WAS LIGHTS OUT BY 7 PM AND THAT’S HOW WE LIKED IT DAGNABBIT!

tundrajim

Scene at Burger King corporate headquarters: “Let’s burn the shit out of our buns and tell everybody we flavored it with A1 steak sauce. Nobody will be able to taste the difference!”

Spur

Need some play action. Falcons are going after Randle.

JustStopDude
Old School Zero

It’s clear Chargers aren’t winning this one. Somehow, that’s relaxing.

Sill Bimmons

Welp, there goes the Stillers season and also 56MillitersOfFury.

Thank jeebus I didn’t trade Carson Palmer!

/sobs hysterically

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

I would definitely make an offensive pass at her that would interfere with my ability to score.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Bortleback

Mike Vick is now frantically trying to learn the steelers playbook

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Haley: You ready?
Ookie: Sheeeeeeiiittt, I retire.

JustStopDude

Same play but instead of Big Ben, its Brady…we are talking about a three year suspension on the defensive player right?

Bortleback

The defender would be ceremonially deflated to serve as an example to others