Your Monday Nighter Open Thread

Det @ Sea: The Rams upset of the Cards yesterday makes it imperative for the ‘Hawks to grab this one. (And I thought the NFC East is a mess-which it is) With Lynch out Thomas Rawls (who?) gets the ball. He’s 5’9″ and 215 lbs. and hails from Central Michigan GO CHIPPEWAS! (I guess?) Anyone mamember Melvin McLaughlin? Of course you don’t-he is only  the leading career scorer for their basketball team! After giving up more than 60 points in their first two games the Seattle D threw a zero at the Bears so they may be rounding into shape OR the Bears are going scoreless from here on out and the Seahawks got in on the ground floor. According to Pro Football Focus the Lions have the most “wave to the defensive player as he runs by and gets pressure on the QB”. (may want to tighten up that terminology a bit, PFF) I look forward to Stafford doing his best impression of a fat kid trying to avoid being run over by an ice cream truck.

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jjfozz

“Honey, what do you think of my necklace?”
“Wait, you have a neck?”
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Not much of a neck, if you ask me.”

– Mike Glennon

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Matt Stafford does a great Alex smith impression

King Hippo

Hee hee, ESPN calling them the “DETROT” Lions now.

John Difool

Don’t forget “Muscle Spillson”

bourb0nblues

Well, there is a lot of rot in that city.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I ever get around to writing that NFL-themed porn parody, I’m going to name one of the characters “Matt Stiffrod”.

jjfozz

Watch as he takes Joe Flaccid under his wing and teaches him how to plow through his problems

Martin

Joe Flaccid is not A ELITE quart-on-her-back.

blordinaryfagicmox

He enjoys the size of Calvin “Long” Johnson but prefers the kink of Golden “Showers” Taint.

Spanky Datass

“Calvin MegaJohnsonTron”

jjfozz

My eyes are up HERE
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Martin

I don’t care.

Sill Bimmons

I’d be more than happy to discuss the 11-cis to all-trans reconfiguration of retinol driving the sight of those dreamy green eyes with her…

WCS
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

I’ve tried to get into that walking dead show…but usually like halfway in, I’m rooting for the zombies to just eat the cast already…

John Difool

That’s half the fun.

King Hippo

If only they could all be like Michonne. Cut muthafuckas up with a kitana, keep they dumb mouth shut.

jjfozz

Gruden says “Jiminy Christmas” and the Fourth Seal just opened

blordinaryfagicmox

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Sill Bimmons

Rev 6:7

Spanky Datass

WUTHELLWILTHONDOWN!

WCS
Senor Weaselo

Did you just say parakeet?

Sill Bimmons

Paraquat?

Sill Bimmons

Pretty much.

Sill Bimmons

INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD

makeitsnowondem

TOUGHDOWN

makeitsnowondem

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I read in the Economist that Detroit is offering some tremendous tax breaks and making a serious effort to court the Sadness Industry.

JustStopDude

I had to work the Thanksgiving week and the next in Detroit. Specifically a steel mill in Ecorse. No bullshit, I ate Thanksgiving dinner in a fucking soup kitchen because nothing else was open.

Spanky Datass

Well that should help erase most of that $18B in debt!

jjfozz

Part of me says, “Wow! Great pass.” The other part says, “Fuck, Pete Carroll is happy.”

Wakezilla

If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure I said by week 7, Wilson will be on the IR because the O-Line is swiss cheese and he’s going to take a beating.

Wakezilla

Nice catch.

JustStopDude
bourb0nblues

There’s the Baldwin points someone was asking for.

litre_cola

That would be me. And yes I scared the hell out of my gf and pug by yelling at the tv

JustStopDude

That’s some quality “LOOK OUT” blocking…

King Hippo

still hypnotized by this, fwiw

jjfozz

If I had the choice of reliving this day or being forced to take a sauna with John Madden, I’d say, “Make it nice and steamy.”

King Hippo

and to think, the week’s only gettin’ started!

Senor Weaselo

Is this a Homestar Runner night? I’m okay with this.

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JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Bocce ball player te

jjfozz

Jimmy Graham looks good, I bet he’d be a good basketball player

blordinaryfagicmox

Rawls you fucking cocksucker

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh great, the Flag Gods have awoken from their slumber…

Sharkbait

“Alexa, cruise Block Island Sound”

Old School Zero

Those vacuum pump bottle topper things may not do shit for wine, but I do find them useful for preserving tall bottles of strong but low carbonation bottles of beer (like imperial stouts) for another day (if put on right away).

jjfozz

I’m so hungry, the food in this Applebee’s commercial looks good

blordinaryfagicmox

Tirico: “That was a legal hit… Still dangerous.”
Pretty much sums up the NFL right there.

Old School Zero

And the cops.

Sharkbait

We’re doing shots every punt right?

JustStopDude

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Wakezilla

In this game? Oh god, don’t die.

makeitsnowondem

You’d expect Matt Stafford to be a more willing lead blocker, what with him weighing about five hundred pounds.

jjfozz

Yeah, he fucking totally bailed on that play

Moonbatting Average

So I finally don’t have to contend with baseball, at least for a couple days, and this is the game we get?

WCS

The most beautiful woman alive.

Wakezilla

She’s amazing.

Sill Bimmons

Her participation in The Passion Of The Christ did her in for me.

/shudder

John Difool

Pete Carroll chews gum so hard, you could run a giant Redwood through his dick nibbler and turn it into mulch.

Sharkbait

There is way too much talent in that DirecTV commercial.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Agreed. I hope it’s an entire campaign, at least.

Mother Puncher

I’m Jeffrey Tambor.

**Second Jeffrey Tambor steps out in drag**

And I’m….

HeadBeeGuy

/internet explodes

Martin

Fitting that Bussell Wilson is a short bus.

Because Seahomers are retarded, see.

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JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Watson can sing all it wants, but it won’t stop us from taking its lunch money

WCS

This is the most intelligible thing Bob Dylan ever recorded.

JustStopDude

http://i.imgur.com/YaPJfse.gif

Its going to be one of those games….

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Where we all prefer a crummy Mexican beer in the end?

jjfozz

If you love them Gruden why don’t you marry them?

John Difool

Next play give up 15 yards

Wakezilla

It’d be a distraction for ESPN

blordinaryfagicmox
Senor Weaselo

+1 thatched roof cottage

Senor Weaselo

Do you take THIS GUY to be your lawfully wedded play by play commentator for the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE?

Sill Bimmons
jjfozz

Good evening, you fine group of magnificent bastards

Sill Bimmons

hey

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Sportscenter on your iPad, when you need tebow coverage on the go……

Sill Bimmons

ScoreCenter is actually a decent app.

Nothing but scores and Gamecast.

jjfozz

If you leave a frat party to go on the roof and watch ESPN, you are in the front fraternity. And you’re probably a huge fag.

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

I’ll tell you what: I just won a whole lot of money on DraftKings and I’m so glad nothing is going on that could possibly prevent me from withdrawing it.

Old School Zero

can’t… tell… how… serious…

makeitsnowondem

None. None serious.

Old School Zero

Hooray!

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

How much did you win on fan duel?

makeitsnowondem

You’ll have to wait for the commercial to find out.

Sill Bimmons

“Justin Britt” is not a name with nearly enough grit for the O-Line.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ngatatas is what Tom Brady calls his wife behind her back.

Wakezilla

What’s the deal with this Lilly chick? What’s she from?

Martin

AT&T commercials.

Sill Bimmons

AT&T ads. I told you earlier.

Real name Milana Vayntrub:

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WCS

King Hippo

Hee hee.

Sill Bimmons

I’d like to bare her twins AMIRITE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Russell Wilson credits his ability to quickly collect that loose ball to Recovery Water.

Sill Bimmons

#blessed

Sill Bimmons

WILSON ON WILSON VIOLENCE