Your Monday Nighter Open Thread

Det @ Sea: The Rams upset of the Cards yesterday makes it imperative for the ‘Hawks to grab this one. (And I thought the NFC East is a mess-which it is) With Lynch out Thomas Rawls (who?) gets the ball. He’s 5’9″ and 215 lbs. and hails from Central Michigan GO CHIPPEWAS! (I guess?) Anyone mamember Melvin McLaughlin? Of course you don’t-he is only  the leading career scorer for their basketball team! After giving up more than 60 points in their first two games the Seattle D threw a zero at the Bears so they may be rounding into shape OR the Bears are going scoreless from here on out and the Seahawks got in on the ground floor. According to Pro Football Focus the Lions have the most “wave to the defensive player as he runs by and gets pressure on the QB”. (may want to tighten up that terminology a bit, PFF) I look forward to Stafford doing his best impression of a fat kid trying to avoid being run over by an ice cream truck.

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Brick Meathook

WHEN A WOMAN FEELS ROMANTIC I DON’T STOP TO TAKE A PILL I JUST GIVE HER A ROOFIE

packman_jon

– Darren Sharper

Why Thank You Eddie

Caldwell: Oh ghosts of Schwartz, Marinelli, Juaron, Mariucci, Morhingweg, Moller, Ross, Fontes, Rogers, Clark. Please tell me what to do.

packman_jon

Remember when football games were all boner pill ads? Fun times

Old School Zero

BONER PILLS ARE FOR DEAD MEN AND DRAFTKINGS GIVE YOU LIIIIIIIIIIFE!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Note to punt returners: if you’re standing at the 10 yard line and the ball goes over your head, just let it go.

Old School Zero

This game is just like my sex life in that I’m gonna drink too much soy sauce and take this concession stand to the mooooon!

makeitsnowondem

This game is like my sex life in that I feel great I feel great I feel great I feel bad I even watched football I even watched football I can’t remember my legs

packman_jon

So how’s your sex life?

Old School Zero

Can’t complain.

http://i.picpar.com/K0V.gif

packman_jon

Hey, someone had to reference The Room!

Brick Meathook

I SHALL PURCHASE THAT AUTOMOBILE

makeitsnowondem

Jesus, Jon Ryan destroyed that ball.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: Jon Ryan is also the name of Nate Solder’s oncologist.

The Maestro

PUFFED MUNTS FOR EVERYONE

Sharkbait

Detroit? Com..pet…ence?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Yeah but they just gave the ball back to their offense…

packman_jon

LOL NOOP

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Detroit’s punt returner must have heard you. God, what a boneheaded play.

Old School Zero

here cheat have another trophy

I genuinely feel bad that Tirico has to interact with Gruden so much.

Sharkbait

Gruden has gone full Sesame Street. WATCH THE CAT!! WATCH THE CAT!

Senor Weaselo

HE’S BEHIND THE FREAKIN’ BOX! I’LL KILL YA! I’LL KILL ALL YOUR DOGS!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnPm3h6sl84

HeadBeeGuy

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME, RECOVERY WATER?

WCS

#blessed

makeitsnowondem

more like #nonobubbles

makeitsnowondem

Seattle’s mistake there was calling the zone reid.

Why Thank You Eddie

Hey Wilson! You’re no Kaepernick! You’re no Kaepernick!

– His adopted parents

Senor Weaselo

And in the Fourth Quarter the Lord said “Fumbles for the Fumble God, you know, Me.”

Moonbatting Average

HAHAHA FUCK YOU WILSON

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Come on Detroit! Turn Seattle’s stupid fans into the Legion of Gloom!

I’d laugh if the Lions D unilaterally wins this.

JustStopDude

Yes the defense scored…but let’s not pretend that suddenly the Lions are back in this game.

WCS

SOMETHING HAPPENED

Sill Bimmons

holy motherfucking shit

Sharkbait

FATGUYDOWN!

Why Thank You Eddie

Baah! A damn Seattle Sounders game here I tells ya. Not that I follow that kind of sport.
/eyes dart side to side

Wakezilla

WHITE.. . . . CAPS!

WHITE. . . .CAPS!

WHITE . . . . . . CAPS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe this Tyrunn Walker guy should think about changing his name.

JustStopDude

Gruden Grinder of the day….the fish throwing guy resisting the urge to just chuck it at Chuckie’s head…

WCS

Judging by TWWL, Seattle nothing but is a fish market, a football stadium, and people being loud in said stadium. There are only three structures in the entire city.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

What about the Space Needle?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Your point is?

Old School Zero

It’s actually the truth; nobody can afford to live or work there anymore, so it’s been abandoned aside from the sports and the fish.

packman_jon

“So long, and thanks for all the fish”

John Difool

Even if Seattle didn’t have any fish markets, it would still smell like one.

JustStopDude

I can tell its morning time in Japan. I’ve got about 30 emails from Tokyo from people politely repeating the same fucking passive-aggressive email to me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, this Arlen Specter biopic looks fascinating! Who knew that he led such an exciting life?

JustStopDude

So wait…the big reveal in the new James Bond movie is that the evil Nazis German is evil?

Who the fuck is writing this shit? A five year old???

Old School Zero

He’s not only an evil German nazi, he’s also a bad guy!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was probably the ONLY plot point in the whole movie, and they blew it in the preview. All that’s left is 2 hours of explosions.

Brick Meathook

You know who’s worse than German Nazis? Austrian Nazis.

Look it up.

Old School Zero

Illinois Nazis would like a word.

Dunstan

“Alright, which of you is gonna be tonight’s Gruden Grinder?”
“Jon, do you have to say that every time we’re at a strip club?”

JustStopDude

This game is like my sex life…

Nothing is happening…

Why Thank You Eddie

No, no, no. In Grudenese:

THIS GAME? I CALL IT MY SEX LIFE BECAUSE NOTHING’S HAPPENING.

Senor Weaselo

This Lions offense is like my sex life because something mind-boggingly stupid happens to shut down any chance of scoring.

Senor Weaselo

Is that for givin’ him the business?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, it was for a little somethin’ extra.

Brick Meathook

This game is like my sex life because I am surrounded by supermodels who only perform exotic sex acts on me because I am a billionaire with a fleet of great cars and a couple of private jets.

I am also under the influence of a hallucinogen, and I’m glad my iPad didn’t eat me as I typed this.

John Difool

This game is like my sex life because I knew what I was getting into when it started…. but failed to remember the safeword to end it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If the Seahawks linemen had tugged on that Lion’s jersey any more he’d be naked. Honestly, this is terrible.

Wakezilla

As bad as this is, remember, it’s still not Monday Night Raw.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Monday Night Raw is like my sex life because…ugh, gross.

Senor Weaselo

The more I see these Madden commercials, the less of an idea I have about what the fuck the commercials are about.

makeitsnowondem

This is the House Select Committee on Benghazi of NFL games.

Sharkbait

THIS LIONS OFFENSE-I CALL IT RUSSEL WILSON’S SEX LIFE BECAUSE ITS NON-EXISTENT!

makeitsnowondem

This game is like my sex life because it’s not about quality, it’s just about volume.

Old School Zero

This game is like Russell Wilson’s sex life in that nobody is feeling satisfied about his performance.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This game is a lot like my sex life in that I tend to perform better if I have a 12th man around cheering me on.

/apologies if someone has already made this joke.

Old School Zero

What are the other ten men doing?

aceg

*delightful chortle*

Wakezilla

“Illegal hands to the face? Bullshit!”

–Ray Rice–