The scene: The DFO clubhouse. Doktor Zymm is on her cell phone, and has several laptop computers open as well as several large books with titles like “Advanced Theories in Quantum Mechanics ” and “Time Travel: What To Do When Things Go Wrong.”

Doktor Zymm (into the phone): Zill? If you are there, answer the phone! Ve have a…small problem.

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

Darkest Timeline Zach Morris and Ballsofsteelandfury enter.

Ballsofsteelandfury (making shooting motions with his fingers at Doktor Zymm): What’s up, Doc? Hard at work or hardly working?

DTZM (picking up one of the books on the table): Time travel…? Doc…

Doktor Zymm: I can explain…

DTZM: Doc…what is the one thing I’ve said about messing with the timeline?

Doktor Zymm: It vas necessary…

DTZM: The. One. Thing.

Doktor Zymm: Ja, vell, you did recommend against it.

DTZM: No, no, no…it wasn’t just a recommendation. Why don’t any of you listen to me? I’m the Prez, right? I wear the patch, I formed the DFO…

There’s a knock on the door.

DTZM: And yet, everything I say gets ignored…

The knocking continues.

DTZM: Is it the goatee? I dyed it black to make it look menacing, but it just seems to…

The knocking continues. DTZM glares at Ballsofsteelandfury, who is loading a Jordan Carver screensaver onto one of the laptops.

DTZM: Um, Balls?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Heh. Boobs. Boooooobs.

DTZM: Balls, do you want to maybe answer the frickin’ door?

Ballsofsteelandfury (jumping up, giving DTZM the finger pistol): Hey, you got it, boss!

Ballsofsteelandfury answers the door. Standing outside are several Girl Scouts.

Ballsofsteelandfury (again with the finger pistol): Hey, I think you kids have the wrong place.

Angry Girl Scout: Hey, this is the Door Flies Open clubhouse, right? One of your guys made off with a box of our cookies, and we want our money.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Hey, no comprendo, kiddo…sorry!

Ballsofsteelandfury shuts the door. Immediately the knocking starts again. He opens the door.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Look, kid…

Angry Girl Scout: No, you look, dumbass. You want the cookie, you pay for the cookie.

Ballsofsteelandfury tries to shut the door, then looks down to see the Angry Girl Scout has her foot wedged in it.

Angry Girl Scout (glaring): You really want to play it this way?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Look, kid, for the last time…

Angry Girl Scout (to the other Girl Scouts): Get him!

Several small hands grab Ballsofsteelandfury. He tries to break free but a hockey stick wraps under his feet and trips him to the floor. The Girl Scouts grab his legs and begin to pull him out the door.

Ballsofsteelandfury (desperately trying to hang on to the door frame): Uh, guys…?

DTZM has his back to the scene, and is still arguing with Doktor Zymm.

DTZM: I’m just saying that I’m tired of being ignored by the rest of you…

As a ringtone plays “The Ride of the Valkyries,” Doktor Zymm picks up her cell phone.

Doktor Zymm (holding up a hand): Ja, ja…hold on to zat thought. Hello? Zill?

Ballsofsteelandfury is holding on by his fingertips now. His face shows fear and desperation as small hands begin to pull his fingers back.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Guys…?!!

DTZM (still ignoring Ballsofsteelandfury): Is that Sill? Let me talk to him.

Small hands pluck away Ballsofsteelandfury’s last finger from the door, and he instantly swept outside. The door slams shut.

Doktor Zymm (into the phone): OK, ja, I vill tell him.

Doktor Zymm hangs up the phone.

DTZM: I wanted to talk to Sill.

Doktor Zymm: Did you? Zorry about zat. Vell, anyway, he is on his vay over.

DTZM (sitting down): Great, then maybe we can…hey, where’d Balls go?

Doktor Zymm (shrugging): No idea. Maybe he vent out for coffee.

DTZM: For that matter, where is everyone else?

Doktor Zymm (glaring at the Jordan Carver screensaver that just popped up on her laptop): Hmph. Vell…zere is something I should maybe tell you…

Cut to: 30,000 BC, 11:23 am. The van is sitting in a jungle, still smoking from its trip through time.

Horatio Cornblower: Well, that was…

Covalent Blonde: Frickin’…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (from the back seat): Awesome, man!  Woo!  Let’s do that again!

OSZ: Yeah, in maybe a decade or two.  What the heck just happened here?

Horatio Cornblower: Well, Doktor Zymm found out that Moose is being held by the government, and sent us back in time to avert his capture.

OSZ: Whoa…what? Sending us back in time somehow made more sense than, y’know, maybe just trying to break him out?

Horatio Cornblower and Covalent Blonde look at each other uncomfortably.

Covalent Blonde: Well, I mean…Zymm made it sound easier, somehow.

Horatio Cornblower: She was pretty convincing.  Besides, she’d already figured out how to rig the van with a chrono-locational pulse detector.  It would have hurt her feelings if we didn’t use it.

OSZ (peering through the front window): So we had to go back to the stone age to do it?

Horatio Cornblower: No, we were just supposed to go back forty-eight hours, but something must have gone wrong.  Maybe it had something to do with that police car that was chasing us.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Whoa, cops?!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van drops Otto’s Brain to the floor and reaches under his seat. He pulls out a large bag of weed and hugs it to his chest.

Otto’s Brain: Marc…?

Horatio Cornblower: I thought we got rid of all that stuff when we were helping Zymm get the van ready.

Covalent Blonde (shivering): At least we threw out all of those creepy doll heads.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: My bongs? Aw, man…

Otto’s Brain: Horatio…?

Covalent Blonde: They were disgusting.  Most of them were half-melted.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van:  They were broken in, man. It took, like, years to get them all the way I liked them.

Otto’s Brain: EXCUSE ME!

OSZ (picking up Otto’s Brain): Hey…Otto.  Sorry.  What were you saying?

Otto’s Brain: I just wanted to point out that we are currently missing someone.

The five look around the van, noticing the back door swinging open.

Covalent Blonde: I think you’re wrong, Otto. We’re all here.

Horatio Cornblower: No, he’s right. Our prospect has gone missing.

Covalent Blonde (shrugging): So our newbie took a powder. What’s the big?

Horatio Cornblower: We don’t know exactly where we are, let alone when.  Who knows what kind of damage he could do?

Covalent Blonde: Aw, crap. We’re gonna have to go get him, aren’t we?

OSZ (looking out the open back door): Looks like he left a trail of baguette crumbs. He should be pretty easy to follow.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (pointing to the front window): Hey, maybe those guys have seen him.

The rest of the DFOers look out the van’s front window to see a band of savages emerging from the jungle, sporting war paint and carrying menacing-looking primitive weapons.

OSZ: Merde…

To be continued…