Ari @ Det: The Cards have the 2nd most picks as of Wk. 5. Peterson, a CB that has only given up 85 yards so far, gets Calvin, who despite his overwhelming talent has only one score so far this year. The Spartans probably have a better O-Line than the Lions. Here’s a thought-maybe they should be switched out for this game. I don’t see anything worse happening. Well, at least the D-Line is…oh…uh. They’re shit as well. Tate and Mega have but one score between them. Detroit is in bad shape, folks.
Den @ Oak: Broncs have won last seven against the Raiders. It sure isn’t Peyton (6 TD’s, 5 Int’s) and company that is getting things done, it’s the D. I guess when it was said that the running game was the key to victory this year the word “defense” was mis-pronounced. Cooper looks to keep the wheels turning on an impressive rook season against a secondary that has only given up two TD’s. But he has two TD’s. Spooky, right?
NE @ Dal: The Cowfucks are going to be torn a new asshole today by a 9 TD, no picks Brady that has never lost to them. It’s Ugg’s and Gronk going up against Weeden and umm, Williams? Dallas seems to be completely out-matched here but I’ll [swallows small amount of bile] be cheering for them.
At least Weeden completed a pass to the ref to end the half
Gonna shower, get something to eat, try to forget that the Cowboys could have been so damn good this season.
“He’s the Steve Tasker of our time”
Phil, Steve Tasker was the Steve Tasker of your time.
Had to feed the kids again-that’s twice in two days!
Ingrates
I’m back ladies and gents! The Titans Billsed harder than the Bills. It was glorious. I have 3 Patriots on my fantasy team, but seeing Brandon Weeden beat the Patriots would be the best thing. The cognitive dissonance is STRONG.
Do you think the Raiders retired JaMarcus Russel’s jersey? Just to retire the stench?
There’s an easy #2 joke sitting there.
IS the stench from purple drank stains?
That shit always blocked me up.
Halftime…
OT:
Bathurst 1000 race was last night. First all female team (led by my future 2nd wife Simona De Silvestro) in many years raced. Co-driver Renee Gacie hit a pool of oil spilled from a Volvo very early in the race. Hit the wall. The team would finish the race, but Simona never got to drive an undamaged car.
…and gave us a classic ima-murderadat-bitch stare on live TV moments after the wreck.
Chick drivers amirite?
whadareyagonnado?
This was what Aussie Twitter was for a better part of a week.
And not on TV in the U.S. ?
PIRATE STREAMS, YO
At some point you have to try Cassel, right?
That point was 10 minutes ago.
But they won’t.
Cassel-VANIA! GET HYPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope Weeden steps on a lego
.Holy fuckballs does that hurt, especially at 3:00 AM.
All Doop…very little pantz.
Beasley was totes confused the DOOPY pass hit him in the hands like that.
re: TB/JAX – how are two teams so bad located so close?
49ers fans: “Hey! What about…goddamnit, OAK is gonna hang with DEN.”
I have only seen it via bad lip reading.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jR4lLJu_-wE
You’re welcome.
Hey! how the fuck did my comment get switched from the walking dead thread!
Sure blame it on the beer.
I may be the only one who has never seen an episode of The Walking Dead.
CARL!!!!!!!!!!!
Me neither, I hate the zombie genre. Oversaturated as hell.
Like every other drama, it’s just people with poor communication/timing. Zombies are just a backdrop.
I just watch Zombieland every week instead. Better (i.e. more attractive (e.g. Emma Stone)) characters, actual zombies being killed, and it actually ends at some point.
So you won’t riot if they kill Daryl?
I tried watching the pilot, and fell asleep/passed out. Zombies don’t really do it for me, tho.
I gave it up some time in the second season and never looked back.
‘The Bastard Executioner’ looks like it may beat that time.
I watch both TWD shows with one of my 14-year olds. I enjoy end of the world stuff, bright sunshine-y kinda Hippo that I am.
Reading John Birmingham’s “Without Warning” right now.
I guess the NFL wouldn’t license this commercial so Hyundai made up a team called “The Houston Texans”.
Smart move Hyundai.
Fanduels has definitely changed my Sundays. I used to go to church.
Fanduel made me START going to church.
I had Jesus on my fantasy team. Damn Pharisees!
Don’t feel bad, I started Judas.
Please be okay Byron
It looked like his shoe just fell off.
Probably with his foot still in it the way this season’s going.
If Dallas had an offense the Patriots would be hosed
Well they don’t so just shut up.
/sobs
I got here late so forgive me if this has been covered, but DAL/NE must be a real challenge for those who passionately despise both teams (yay meteor?), better known as 99.9% of all DFOers.
This is why we RedZone
Nope, hasn’t come up.
I hope Tom Bradys pussy rots out.
Brady is panicked out there.
Don’t worry, Coach will make a few phone calls and all will be well.
I was enjoying his panic. Now I’m reminded that Grumblelord runs the NFL and I’m gonna go drink more.
Gonna go out for a run now. Yeah, I run. Do you guys run? I run. Anyone want to hear me talk about running? Just me, casually mentioning that I run.
I do a lot of running to the liquor store. Does that count?
I ran 3.5 miles today. It was as thrilling as it sounds.
Wanna train for a marathon with me?!
No.
I HAVE SOME AWESOME SITTING STORIES
I’ve got awesome shitting stories.
oh, men. MEN!
Five mile walk on the beach this morning and goddamn do my knees hurt.
/drinks more beer.
yawn, Call me when youve got those shoes that look like gloves, but for your feet. Then we can make fun of you for real.
I nap. Sometimes I nap so long people call it a coma. But you don’t hear me bragging about it, talking up my “napper’s high,” telling everyone about the health benefits I get from excessive amounts of sleep…
According to the announcers in the Astros Royals game (yeah I know) Nolan Ryan threw out the first pitch of the game…
And they clocked it at 91 MPH.
That is fucking bad ass.
whom did he throw the first punch towards
Too bad Robin Ventura doesn’t manage the Royals.
Nolan Ryan will be a badass until the day he dies.
Not getting NE/DAL but I will say, win or lose, I hope the Patriots’ plane goes down with no survivors.
…and hitting a nuke reactor somewhere near Boston
Full confession: When my son’s LL team went undefeated and mercyed every team, (they were like 8), and we didn’t get trophies I went out and bought trophies for the entire team.
Shit like that deserves trophies.
How to brew the smoothest lager in the world? Use a hose!
If Charles Woodson ever tells Mark Davis he wants to retire I imagine the meeting will be very similar to this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxLTb4Zezug
Looks like the Lions want to give the Cards a chance to score 35 in the 2nd.
I think the Silver Dome might fucking burn at halftime.
Fuck that fucking fuckshitcunt song.
So the house consensus is if your wife was as hot as jersey girl in the Viagra ads you wouldn’t need Viagra.
So we’ve come up with a new ad campaign for them.
“Viagra, it can make your wife beautiful again.”
Patent pending.
I hope Hardy knocks Brady’s teeth out on the next drive. I’d like to see him act all hard with Hardy in his face.
And throw him on a couch covered with guns?
fuck that. LANDMINES
Weeden has decided his best chance of success is multiple three and outs.
PULL WEEDEN
Won’t that make you go blind?
Haha!
You can always use a Weeden Wacker.
Christ almighyt Weeden.
It feels weird that PeyPey is huge liability.
Usually he’s just a huge forehead.
Almost Doopception
I love Charles Woodson.
PEYPEYCEPTION!
In the end zone no less. Beautiful.
Charles Woodson moves well for an AARP member.
Oldest INT combo ever
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr02/2013/4/25/12/enhanced-buzz-29453-1366908649-14.jpg
Oh fucking goddamn shit-ass fuck
Distractions for the Patriots at AT&T Stadium: “Holy shit, look at all the Mexicans!”
In his defense, Brady’s Mexican friend IS a convicted murderer.
MANNINGBOT REDZONE 404
goddamnit PeyPey
Wrong guy, Peyton.
MOLE!
So I stopped at my other dive bar because both of my nearby taquerias are closed on Sundays, there are 5 old men regulars here. They all hate the NFL, yet the Pats/Boys game is on.
This is an epic day of hatred. Their hate has rejuvenated me.
You get menudo?
No, I got 98 Degrees
Wow, Brady got a little sassy after that TD
Brady was a little too pumped after that TD. Hardy is in his head, at the very least.
Hardy is used to going upside your head.
Can’t blame the D….. the Dallas offense holds the ball for 3 plays. Eventually NE is going to drive.
I see the jet flyover and my first thought is “Thank God, they’re finally bombing Oakland.”
How could they tell?
Amazed they have not destroyed themselves.