Your Early Slate Open Thread

Was @ NYJ: This game features two above average D’s that get it done differently. The Slurs blitz a league-low 11% of the time and the Jets a league-high 53%. QB-wise Cousins has two pick-sixes that have lost games and Fitz hasn’t cracked 1,000 yds yet and has 6 Int’s to go with his 64.5 QBR. TO THE RUN GAME! Ivory  is a tough, slug-it-out between the tackles type that usually doesn’t go down after first contact. No wonder he’s had so much trouble with injuries through his career. Morris is a slogger as well, averaging 3.1 ypc this month. Looks like an old-timey fight-it-out-in-the-trenches kind of game to me. I think the under on this game is 3.

Ari @ Pit: Vick has a dog’s breath QBR of 28-dead last in the league but you already knew that and the fact that this game depends on Bell. ‘Zona’s wins have come against NO, the Bears, the 9er’s and Detroit. So yeah, they can beat down their weaker brothers but this is a test I think they’ll fail. According to PFF, DE Heyward and LB Harrison are the 5th and 2nd best at getting QB disruptions at their respective positions. I’m glad to see the Hall of Fame Fitz is having a big bounce-back year-he’s averaging 8+ targets per game and making the most of them, having scored 6 TD’s already.

KC @ Min: In KC, if you look to the West there are Charcandrick’s as far as the eye can see. Most of the talk in that town centers around how exactly will Andy Reid mis-use him. I’m going with, “chews up significant yardage, gets into a groove and then is taken out of the game for seven minutes”. Meanwhile, no worries in Minny about AP-he just moved into 10th place all-time for RB TD’s. As we all know, Smith is faced with the blitz often on 3rd down and can’t handle it. He’s ranked 34th out of 35 qualifying QB’s with respect to QBR on that down-expect the Vikes to have a series of small get-togethers in the Chiefs backfield over the course of the game.

Cin @ Buf: Dalton is my “Five Games In” MVP. He’s racked up 1500+ yards, 11 TD’s with only 2 picks-he’s doing everything right at the moment. Soooo…needless to say, die-hard Bengal-backers are wondering when the other cleat is going to drop. The Bills should get McCoy back today after Boobie brought the 2.7 ypc thunder against the Titans last week. Hey Look!-over there under “Questionable” status, it’s Percy Harvin getting comfortable again. It looks like Manuel gets the start today-maybe he’ll play really well and the Bills will have a QB controversey on their hands? Nah.

Chi @ Det: Yards per pass attempt-wise you’re looking at the two worst teams in the league. Of course an argument could be made that you’re looking at the two worst teams, period. Let’s move on, shall we?

Den @ Cle: The Bronc’s have given up 79 points total so far this year-don’t expect too many more to be added to that total today. What’s got only one functioning arm and is using it to hang on for dear life? The Peyton, that’s what. His 77 QBR is 20 points below his career average. He should use that big noggin of his to figure out that this is his last year. I’ve turned the corner on Josh. He’s thrown for over 1200 yards (to the likes of Barnidge, Bowe, Hartline and Hawkins-though Benjamin has been a surprise) with just the one pick. That said, he’ll probably double that total to two after this game. The Brownies have numerous problems but the QB spot isn’t one of them.

Hou @ Jax: Speaking of doubling up, one of these teams will do so in the win column today. Hopkins is on fire-his 578 yards and 75 targets lead the league. The one game I saw (yeah, I watched a Texans game, come at me) he did whatever the hell he wanted to do on the field, no matter the coverage and with ridiculous ease. Hoyermallet will get the start though if history is any indicator, we may see some Mallethoyer. The Houston coaching staff is looking more and more like that girlfriend that can’t quite decide between the red dress or the green dress. Over at a Jax fan site they’re celebrating the fact that they’re favoured for the first time this year. Hug that one point close Lennie, I mean Jags fans, but not too tight unless you strangle it a la Of Mice And Men. I do think that a steady dose of Yeldon, Hurns and Robinson should get this done though.

Mia @ Ten: Titans have lost their last 7 home games. Ouch. Meanwhile, new coach Campbell had this to say upon being hired, “Miso excited about this opportunity to turn this team around. Rest assured we will play Miller a lot more-he’ll be ramen left, ramen right and ramen right up the middle. Landry will dashi up and down the field, no doubt about that. The D is going to be more aggressive-I’ll be calling for bisques from all directions. We’ve got to get the opposing QB to say to himself, ‘What The Pho?’ Okay, I’ve got to go and prepare my team, GAZPACHO, one and all!”

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entropy

“Family friend.”

blaxabbath

Rushes to pick up Laundry Jones in fantasy.

“How many points for a handoff to Bell?”

John Difool

Ryan Fitzpatrick’s new name should be ‘Jet Galfianakis’

Spur

The Coaching flashback gave Arizona fans PTSD

Doktor Zymm

Well, that didn’t work. I never should have taken the time to exfoliate. Good thing Sunday Ticket broke again so I didn’t actually miss anything but frustration. *eyeroll*

blaxabbath

I thought if your helmet came off, the play is over.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Wish someone had told me that…”

– Antonio Cromartie

blaxabbath

Nevermind. Arizona is the worst team in the NFL.

litre_cola

That’s just a bad case of leprosy.

King Hippo

Seriously.

Hereeeeeee’s Landry!

Bortleback

Only if it happens to the ballcarrier – thus how you end up with insane people like Cushing and Watt tackling people without a helmet on

King Hippo

My God, PeyPey gets worse every week. Dunno how it’s possible, but he do.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Somehow the referees will find a way to rule that Cincinnati touchdown incomplete.

Senor Weaselo

Feel the Fitzmagic! No seriously, magic’s the only way that happened.

IK’s fist, Jets MVP

Sill Bimmons

PORCELLIANDOWN

Redshirt

Dalton throws deep into double coverage. It’s complete.

I thought you needed a soul in order to make a deal with the devil.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamnit Fitzpatrick, I want to run that American Jet sequel this week and it won’t make sense if you play well.

blaxabbath

Making those linemen look like a Printon boi!

litre_cola

HARVARD DOWN

bourb0nblues

Amager Sundby Stout – it’ll cure what ails you.

John Difool

“What back-breaking, soul crushing thing will Cousins do to lose the second half”

An early preview.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Time for Colt?

John Difool

If by Colt 45 you mean the malt liquor…..fuck it, why not.

entropy

Fuck me a running Fitzdown!

JustStopDude
King Hippo

Who is the man, who will risk his neck for a bruthaman?

TJ Ward! I can dig it.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Put in RGIII, I don’t even give a fuck

Hello Kirk, nice to see you again.

Senor Weaselo

REVISCEPTION

King Hippo

Fellow Donks. I have changed beers. I am doing my part. Et tu?

litre_cola

I like their Amber lager, cobblestone is pretty damn close to Guinness too.

Spanky Datass

Not a Donk but I am drinking a bomber of Wake Up Dead from Left Hand Brewing sooooo…

Sill Bimmons

Only Catler could have made either of those last two throws.

Spanky Datass

It’s so windy in Jax they’re sailboarding n the pool!!!!1!
http://36.media.tumblr.com/5ab81f815859b55a8ddad21120bbe9dd/tumblr_nre29opikW1syvjuco1_500.jpg

Spur

Did they just do a slow mo of Ben checking out Vicks ass?

John Difool

Big Ben is down for anything, ” It’s all pink on the inside…”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sammy Watkins in the new Ryan Matthews

Bortleback

I don’t think Vick knows how a flea flicker is supposed to work

bourb0nblues

He prefers to kill the host.

Gratliff

Mike Vick is approaching late career Donovan McNabb athleticism.

blaxabbath

I will be proud — PROUD — if my Cardinals lay the hit that ends Vick’s career.

Sill Bimmons

HOLY FUCKBALLS CATLER!!!

JustStopDude

Fuck Watkins on crutches….

fleshwound_NPG

Catler, still horrible in the red zone.

King Hippo

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Spur

A whole passing yard. Suck it Cardinals!!!

Sill Bimmons

Holy FUCKBALLS Catler

Sharkbait

ne se soucient paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy shit, I think there were more Steelers fans in the stands in San Diego last week than there are Steelers fans in the stands in Pittsburgh this week. Why so empty?

blaxabbath

It’s kinda cold.

That keeps anything in PHX empty. But we don’t claim to be tough.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s in PIT though.

blaxabbath

Which is why they’re white trash.

Though, at halftime, I don’t blame them for finding shelter inside. It did look pretty empty during the first half though.

blackroseMD1

Because all the fans are still in San Diego, trying to remember if/why they have to go back to Pittsburgh.

WCS

The weather is a balmy 38, with a decent breeze, and steady rain/sleet mix.

Come to Yinzburgh, where the sun shines almost nine times a year!

blaxabbath

Least ya ain’t got a drought!

WCS

Dri Archer did a good? Chtulu is nigh!

blaxabbath

Pete Shrager is creepy looking.

fleshwound_NPG
blaxabbath

And this is why nigerian email scams will always work.

WCS

SEERING HAWT

Senor Weaselo

STRONQ TAEKS.

John Difool

If Ivory were that powerful and elusive in real life, elephants would be our overlords.

Spur
blaxabbath

I can always tell I’m watching an NFL Fan Shop or Ticket Exchange commercial because it shows me a minority family in a stereotypical white family house.

Gratliff

The head of officiating looks like a Sopranos extra. That’s good.

Bortleback

Are we sure that’s not just an intern they’re getting to stand in because he doesn’t want to have to justify his stupid rules?

blaxabbath

There must be a situation where leasing a new vehicle is wise. I just don’t know when that is.

Redshirt

Breaking News: Factory employees talk of unionizing?

litre_cola

Jimmy Graham played basketball.

JustStopDude

You know…I have really come to fucking dread halftime.

Its like a combination of all the shitty game announcing…but from ALL the games, compressed into a 30 minute fucking shit show.

I mean seriously…its like they try to find the least capable individual to do the fucking highlights, the talk over each other constantly, and the do those annoying inside jokes are not fucking funny at all.

blaxabbath

Just make sure your eyes are open so you can see the Microsoft Surface on the table that is in front of no one in particular.

Sharkbait

At least there is no Berman today.

JustStopDude

That is the fucking insane…like Cthulhu level insanity of it…it gets WORSE…

How the fuck is it that college football across the board, the announcing and production is fucking better?

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna try to go shower before halftime finishes up.

makeitsnowondem

Quick, someone get Ernest Byner on the field.

litre_cola

McCowndown?

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