TB @ Atl: Winston has 9 TD’s and 7 Int’s-lousy, huh? His opposite today, Ryan has a sparkling 9 TD’s and 6 Int’s (also almost 600 more yards but still). At this point Tampa is just trying to show some progress and get through the season while the Falcons need a win to stay within tobacco juice-spitting distance of the Panthers. I’m not sure how Atlanta is going to pull this out what with Hankerson being out. Hopefully one of the other guys at the WR spot will come through.
Ari @ Cle: The Madden simulation of this game had the Cards winning 149-56. I think RB Johnson is going to break a long one against a Browns run D that almost always falls apart in the 2nd half. Don’t get me started on WR Bowe and his 9 mil. guaranteed contract and his three straight healthy scratches and “redemption time” narrative. Browns fans that want Manziel in are nuts. Why? McCown has made a star (okay, maybe “viable player” is the better term) out of TE Barnidge. What sort of sorcery has gotten these guys to connect for 459 yds. and 5 TD’s? Cleveland gets 3 starters back-CB Haden, FS Gipson and ILB Robertson. It won’t be enough for a win but this will allow them to be more aggressive.
F @ StL: San Fran takes it on the road and most likely on the chin today. The struggling Kaep may be without both Hyde and Boldin today as both are listed as questionable. (much like Kaep’s on-field decisions) Against a top 10 D, that spells more trouble and regression for a guy who doesn’t need either. The Rams are dead last in passing yards per game and Foles is taking some heat for it but I’m not having it. The WR corps consists of Britt, Bailey, Quick, TE Cook, who is inconsistent and Austin. Tavon is talented and just needs to be put into open space with the ball in order to make things happen but that is not happening often enough. I expect with the emergence of Gurley things will sort themselves out somewhat but this group is third rate.
NYG @ NO: Eli should be happy to know that the Saints give up the fifth-most passing yards per game at 275. This stat is actually worse than it seems because the Saints have rarely had a large lead on anyone therefore forcing them to air it out. After losing three straight the Saints have won the last three of four. When they are up they go after the QB hard-13 of their 16 sacks have occurred while they had the lead. The Giants have a measly nine in total. RB Orleans Darkwa of the Giants, a long shot to make the 53 man squad in September is pushing his way into the Giants RBBC.
Min @ Chi: Minny looks to be entering into a multi-year window of competitiveness given what they’ve done in the draft the past two years. Bridgewater, Kendricks, Barr, Diggs, Clemmings and Wayne are young, solid and talented. Also, most of them have no memory of having lost 7 straight at Soldier Field. Here’s this week’s “Stat Dis-Connect of the Week”. The Bears have the 26th ranked rush D yet have only given up 2 TD’s on the ground. Wah? Perhaps AP will close the gap a bit today.
SD @ Dal: Philip “The Loin Master” Rivers just had his eighth kid. Or maybe his wife did. I don’t know. That’s six girls and two boys and increasing pressure on the cervix and the population density of greater San Diego. Speaking of easy to score on, both these D’s like to give it away so we should be in for a bit of a TD/FG bonerama.
Cin @ Pit: “Big Ben Is Back!” yelled the owner of my fantasy team just now. I expect the Two B’s (Bell and Brown) to put it into a higher gear today. Hell, I’m calling it-Bengals get their first loss of the season today. Dalton can’t keep his insane numbers going much longer, can he? The world-weary Bengals fans shout “NO WAY!” in unison. WR Green is getting CB Antwon Blake today because Gay is banged up so Cincy should put up some points. Kudos to the guy who drafted RB Hill right in front of me. Buddy, I owe you one.
Ten @ Hou: This is our third game featuring a one win team playing a two win squad. Whoopee! Say goodbye to Hoyermallet and the lousy run they had and welcome Hoyersavageyates to the party. I’m just kidding, I saw TJ Yates in pre-season and I doubt that the coaches trust him with a clipboard. Foster done tore himself his Achilles and is gone for the year. To those mothers dipping their incipient football-playing sons into the River Styx I can’t stress this enough-DUNK THE WHOLE KID IN, DON’T BE LAZY ABOUT IT! Jeezuz!
Awesome catch by Jeffrey, Alshon.
SULKCANNON
Holy Crap, Alshon
I figured Cutler for dead about now.
He still has four lives left.
Fun fact: the Rams have more pro-caliber running backs than the 49ers have pro-caliber players.
DDDDDEEEEEERRRRPPPPPPPPP
Bears…defense?
It’s just a random statistical fluctuation.
Remember when the Giants had a dominant D? Neither can LT.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/8e19ad9e691d2780871a3e732c96fcd4/tumblr_nio1ct5lJr1s2wio8o1_500.gif
it’s upside down.
I appreciate gravity’s valiant effort there.
Marques Colston, Forever Uncovered
Is this some sort of Cinderella pumpkin carriage thing going on for the Browns?
Until the clock strikes sadness
How will Cleveland blow this?
My bet, jumper by Jordan from the elbow as time expires.
missed extra point is nice start
McCown gets hurt; pick-18 for Johnny F*cking Football.
Did the Factory of Sadness union reps bargain for a Halloween holiday?
Factory Workers Stage Mass Walkout
…What the fuck was that segment. I haven’t seen anything that awkward in sports since Foul Territory with Mark Teixeira.
Oh, piss a fart, Mitchell.
Cooper “Meh” Manning
Ari/Cle is confusing to me.
Yes,
http://33.media.tumblr.com/dfc5c6452205b6d925b6464c7be8bcd0/tumblr_nloc0eV6YI1r1pstjo1_400.gif
Cleveland is McCown town again.
300 yards given up? Impressive, Giants, but you can do better.
Marvin Jones’s spleen just exploded.
And the pain made him cry out!
In fact, you might say that when you hit him hard enough, Jarvin Mones…
That was so stupid, but I laughed.
Sometimes I wish it was mathematically possible for the NFL to have a losing record overall.
All the broken ribs!
Guess I should have accepted that AP and Duke Johnson (PPR, keeper league) for Le’Veon offer that was on the table last week.
If the Browns win this game, 8-8 will win the NFC West.
Over/under 1.5 teams in the 2015-2016 NFL Playoffs with losing records
I’m sure the AFC South can find a way to tie that line.
Also : When Red Zone goes split screen, the smaller screens on my TV are still the size of most people’s full screen tvs. I love my projector.
First priority in bionic upgrades for football players : a knee that bends in all directions without ripping itself to pieces.
Manning: Forehead stretches infinite.
“Better starts now.” -Eli Manning after that… throw?
Guys in FanDuel commercial looking at each others’ phones-“So that’s what a vagina looks like?”
Makes sense, since they’re both c*nts.
That knee isn’t supposed to bend that way
Is Dalton dead? or who had their knee bend in the wrong way
Bell, because Pittsburgh can’t have nice things.
Yackety Sacks
Fucking Eli. Never knew he was a Juggalo.
Geez Eli
Eliderp.
So Le’Veon Bell is dead.
Yeah, today can go fuck itself just like yesterday. And all of 2014-15, really.
[expectantly] “How dead is he?”
Ahhhhhhhh what a lazy Sunday morning: the sun is shining after close to 16 hours of rain (poor kids, no trick-or-treating last night), there’s bacon in the oven, eggs on the stove, potatoes on the iron skillet, tortillas already warm, scotch in my coffee, football on the tv….
And I now have to clean up the fucking mess our “IT expert” created within our document system. As in, today I have to re-do the near 100 documents (formatting, editing, naming convention, etc) that I’ve spent the last 2 weeks working on because they are no longer anywhere in our system.
God dammit. Pour one out for me guys.
What kind of kids don’t go trick-or-treating in the rain? Shit, my Halloween costumes were designed so I could fit my snowsuit on underneath. My mom planned ahead bigtime. And the years where it did, I was damn grateful.
Same here Maestro, Big enough to put a parka underneath.
It was pouring all evening. Parts of Portland were flooding from what I saw.
Dead’Veon Bell
Is this finally going to be the season we Coughlin make his sideline face, and then stroke out & die on the sideline?
Season he wheels out two bathtubs and the missus to the sidelines a, pops a view cialis and let’s nature take its course (a stroke)
AP with 69 yards nice
Rob Ryan approves.
FANDUEL PAYS OUT 75 MILLION A WEEK AND ONLY MAKES 150 FOR ITSELF! JOIN!
What’s going to be more infuriating, Giants have a home playoff game or Colts have a home playoff game.
The Giants are bad and all, but I don’t think the Colts have earned a home regular season game.
I wouldn’t count out the G-men in the NFC East Race To the Bottom just yet.
You know that if the Giants make the playoffs, they go right to the Super Bowl. That’s just how this works.
It is 4 years.
I don’t think Coulston was open enough.
The Giants secondary should consider covering receivers.
Giants D, I re-name you “Blown Coverage”.
So I just realized that my opponent has Le’veon Bell, Devonta Freeman, and Jordy Nelson (IR) and Lorenzo Taliaferro (IR) on his bench.
I challenge you to find a more mismanaged fantasy team.
Just enjoy the victory and revel in your managerial skills.
Giants’ defense:
Cover None: A Giant Tradition
San Diego Chargers are going to institute a very special Selective Service draft in order to field a team.
If they wait long enough they can have the entire Rivers family to be a starting 11.
So next week?
If the NFL really wanted to attract a wider female audience, they would change the uniforms to shirts v skins
Commence a diddling
The Chargers would like to know if this strapping lad can play on their offensive line.
Cutler 5/5 for 10 yards.
Perfect.