We’re more than half way through the regular season. I’ve had a great time so far-oh, if my bottles of scotch could talk…they probably wouldn’t slur their words like I do. Moving on-
GB @ Car: Rodgers is sacked/pressured almost 40% of the time he drops back to pass and he faces another quality D that can really bring it. Lacy needs to stop with the donuts and start with the knockin’ defenders backwards. More good news for GB-starting CB’s Shields and Rollins are doubtful for the game. 7-0 Carolina is an underdog at home. This is only the second time since 1990 that has occurred. The Panthers are hoping that a potential win has nothing to do with WR Ginn, otherwise it will slip through their fingers.
Was @ NE: WE ARE ALL [INSERT TEAM HERE] FANS TODAY goes the refrain whenever someone plays the Pats. Actually, the Slurs don’t stand a damn chance and I’m not going to waste my time bothering to side with them. 20 TD’s and 1 Intercept-Br*dy’s playing at a ridiculous level. I hope he gets leveled.
Ten @ NO: Somethingberger goes back to the bench ’cause Mariota is able to play this week. Will Mularkey have the same effect on the Titans as Campbell had on the Fins? We’ll find out real quick. We’ll also find out what happens when a soft, squishy object collides with a vulnerable not-force. That would be a Titans WR group of draft bust Hunter, nobody Green-Beckham, lousy as hell Douglas and practice squadder Richardson clashing with a colander disguised as a Rob Ryan-led Saints secondary. Watson? Snead? Who are these people and what has Brees done with them? Well, made them relevant for one thing. That should continue as Titans CB’s McCourty and Wreh-Wilson aren’t likely to play.
Mia @ Buf: With DE Wake gone Miami’s sack rate drops from 7% down to 1.8%. The good news is that Bills QB Taylor gets sacked at the 5th highest rate of all players at his position. To no one’s surprise Harvin has gone over to the IR. Actually, that hip injury that he’s been dealing with for a few years now is a bit troubling. It sounds like a chronic condition and I’ll bet he’ll have mobility issues even earlier than the average retired football player. LB Brown and DE Dareus have been vocal in their criticism of Ryan’s “complicated” D packages. Given the talent on this D there’s no excuse for these guys not being a top 8 unit.
StL @ Min: Gurley is averaging 115 yds. per game but he’ll struggle to reach that in this game unless he breaks a long one. Hats off to Gregg Williams (?) of all people for making the Saint Looey D the 5th ranked in the league. I very much like the way these teams match up-they’re the 1st and 4th ranked red zone D’s, have strong running games and middling QB’s that will be running for their lives all afternoon. Sounds like a raucous, hard-hitting, low-scoring affair-just like a night on the town with Greg Hardy. Football Outsiders ranks Minny’s first seven games of the season as the easiest in the NFL. The kicker? They rate the Vikes remaining sked as the toughest.
Jax @ NYJ: One of these two teams leads the league defensively in fewest yards per rush and it isn’t the Jets. That’s right, the Jags did a good. Bortles still hasn’t won a road game in his career and it’s not likely to happen today but he has improved his QBR rating by 21 points on enemy fields. Progress! (is slow) Speaking of highly-ranked D’s the Jets come in at #2 overall. Revis will take WR Robinson out of the game so Hurns should get him some. At least that’s what my fantasy brain is telling me. Of course a Jets blog says they have no one to cover TE Thomas so I’m sure he’ll steal all the points.
Oak @ Pit: The Raiders have a winning record against only one team over the last ten years. Guess who they’re 4-1 against? Go ahead, I’ll wait. Good on you QB Carr-he’s improved his QBR from 28th (38.2) last year to 11th (65.8) this year. I don’t think anyone outside his mom and dad could have seen that coming. The Steel Sieve is 26th against the pass so WR’s Cooper and Crabtree have some easy catchin’ to do. The Steelers defensive captain Heyward will play Sunday despite seeing the birth of his first-born yesterday. Gotta hand it to him for going back out there so soon after seeing the old placenta plop onto the floor of the delivery room. (that sorta stuff stays with you, man) Beware WR Brown now that Ben is back. It’s just a matter of time before the both of them go off big time.
Tootsie Pop or Blow Pop?
Tootsie.
The Jets running gameplan appears to be comprised entirely of “Ivory up the middle but only when they’ve stacked the box.” It’s an odd strategy to say the least.
Can’t even PI right in Green Bay.
Green Bay: Bad at coverage
Funchess! Both a guy who caught a deep ball just now, and a statement on a game of strategy!
Are the Saints and Titans coated in grease or something?
Garçon means “boy.”
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m06zenRXS01qmvcw5o1_500.gif
As in “Boy”, are the Slurs ever bad!
It’s the soup of the day.
“More coffee!”
I am really starting to feel bad for Kirk Cousins. What the fuck does that dude need to do to get his receivers to catch a fucking pass.
Not be on the Slurs?
Stop pissing on Indian burial grounds?
Not be complete shit at reading defenses, I guess…
There are reasons to feel bad for Kirk Cousins. That isn’t really one of them.
Seriously. Did all his receivers sign a pact in the locker room to drop every single pass thrown today?
I bet Belichick put anti-stickup on the Skins’ gloves.
Andy Reid’s been looking for his crisco.
I fucking hate christmas commercials before Thanksgiving.
What’s a Thanksgiving?
It’s know around these parts as Pre-Christmas. Also technically Post-Christmas.
How do you feel about feel-good Christmas movies?
/asking for a website
You mean the Hallmark Channel Beautiful Rich White People movies?
Say what you want but ratings-wise it kills the Ugly Dark Poor People Channel.
Nothing before Thanksgiving. One holiday at a time assholes!
Oh, [*Redacted] s.
I refuse to watch that game.
Slurs go full [*Redacted] s.
AND THE DE-UCE
Hm, I could use this opportunity of light fixture replacement to decrease the value of my home…
Or even worse : http://images10.newegg.com/ProductImageCompressAll300/A00Y_1_20120405_3071000.jpg
While this in no way has any bearing on your home, I fucking HATE hanging lamps. I have enough trouble not whacking my head on normal lights, and the last thing I need is to ensure I don’t either take one out with an errant shoulder, or get blinded because some low-hanging chandelier is right below my eye line.
I dream of a world of cathedral ceilings, and recessed lighting, and cars that actually have leg room… it’s a small dream, I know, but it’s mine.
My dining room light is hung pretty low, but now that I have a dining room table under it it’s not really an issue. Anything I put in the living room will have at least a 7′ clearance. I may be short, but even I find low ceilings/low hanging stuff kind of claustrophobic.
DeAngelo conversion? This is madness.
DeAngelo down?
And the deuce!
DEDOWN
Much worse.
Oops…
If the Pats finish undefeated I’m swearing off the NFL for the remainder of my existence.
Can we hope that the Donks do what they did last week to Rodgers to Brady, but worse?
18-1 times two!
Also, if the Panthers win this game, that’ll mean that GB has lost two in a row. Both to undefeated teams, but still, what panic level do cheeseheads go to?
They’ll go Full Queso.
Condition Blue, “Minority in the Neighborhood.”
That Titans-Saints play may be the worst thing I’ve ever seen.
And THAT’S why I don’t watch the Titans.
wow
Aints-tastic
And now “Clinton-Dix being taken for a ride.” My sense of humor is 5.
Ha-Ha!
Ha Ha!
/hangs head in shame.
Glad I wasn’t the only one to hear that.
Ben to Brown for 59 yds. no td.
Natch.
How is Limitless still a thing?
GURLEYDOWN WOO!
Am I the only one who always thinks “hehe, crotch” when Cotchery does something?
Nope.
I think “crochety” and feel he’ll make a great curmudgeon.
Yeah, I do this one on occasion as well. He must have gotten made fun of so much in elementary school.
Patriots have literally no fear that the [*Redacted] s will be competitive on offense
DREAMCEPTION
Brady-ception…t-minus 10 seconds until the Skins hand it back over…
JACKASS COULDNT EVEN BLOCK BRADY
I guess the Carolina Panthers have finally realized that they are the Caroline Panthers.
DREAMBOATCEPTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s a start.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/19ceae770d7e2c4d45aa9280dce856f1/tumblr_nqbadbJb9E1s71q1zo1_1280.png
God, the [*Redacted] s are a dumpsterfire.
Kenny Britt: NFL wide receiver or country-western star?
Right. Back to the Stillers game it is.
Do something Ben.
You know thing aren’t going quite to plan when the announcer is genuinely surprised you’ve completed a successful PAT.
Michael Crabtree, Ball Sucker
OOB
http://41.media.tumblr.com/d5f23dc47c6d2d0b6e5cf814f2a9308b/tumblr_nws3jxvNkH1qkko2do1_500.jpg
Mine didn’t take.
FAILED TRICKERATION!
Eddie lacy is so goddamn useless
Yup.
I bet he keeps the waitress plenty busy.
Jestsdown
Ivorydown!
Kirk Cousins is going to murder every WR and TE on the team at halftime.
Jets have lost their fucking minds
Today’s game was made possible by…boner pills?
And opiate constipation relief pills.
Probably shouldn’t take both of those at the same time.
Unless you know someone with a very, very specific fetish.
So the Jets kicking game is non-existent.
I don’t know what “problems” Folk has. Cramping?
So we’re left with Ryan Quigley, he of the 25 yard punts. Terrific.
These Special Teams are quite “special” this year. Here comes the short bus.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/463d2939bebbbc3981df83055e2a5d1a/tumblr_nv1sbaasJZ1s71q1zo1_1280.png
Gotta be I-75, right?
I-81 is pretty gay…only no one wants to admit or acknowledge it. Lots of truck stop glory holes.