Your Early Slate Open Thread

We’re more than half way through the regular season. I’ve had a great time so far-oh, if my bottles of scotch could talk…they probably wouldn’t slur their words like I do. Moving on-

GB @ Car: Rodgers is sacked/pressured almost 40% of the time he drops back to pass and he faces another quality D that can really bring it. Lacy needs to stop with the donuts and start with the knockin’ defenders backwards. More good news for GB-starting CB’s Shields and Rollins are doubtful for the game. 7-0 Carolina is an underdog at home. This is only the second time since 1990 that has occurred. The Panthers are hoping that a potential win has nothing to do with WR Ginn, otherwise it will slip through their fingers.

Was @ NE: WE ARE ALL [INSERT TEAM HERE] FANS TODAY goes the refrain whenever someone plays the Pats. Actually, the Slurs don’t stand a damn chance and I’m not going to waste my time bothering to side with them. 20 TD’s and 1 Intercept-Br*dy’s playing at a ridiculous level. I hope he gets leveled.

Ten @ NO: Somethingberger goes back to the bench ’cause Mariota is able to play this week. Will Mularkey have the same effect on the Titans as Campbell had on the Fins? We’ll find out real quick. We’ll also find out what happens when a soft, squishy object collides with a vulnerable not-force. That would be a Titans WR group of draft bust Hunter, nobody Green-Beckham, lousy as hell Douglas and practice squadder Richardson clashing with a colander disguised as a Rob Ryan-led Saints secondary. Watson? Snead? Who are these people and what has Brees done with them? Well, made them relevant for one thing. That should continue as Titans CB’s McCourty and Wreh-Wilson aren’t likely to play.

Mia @ Buf: With DE Wake gone Miami’s sack rate drops from 7% down to 1.8%. The good news is that Bills QB Taylor gets sacked at the 5th highest rate of all players at his position. To no one’s surprise Harvin has gone over to the IR. Actually, that hip injury that he’s been dealing with for a few years now is a bit troubling. It sounds like a chronic condition and I’ll bet he’ll have mobility issues even earlier than the average retired football player. LB Brown and DE Dareus have been vocal in their criticism of Ryan’s “complicated” D packages. Given the talent on this D there’s no excuse for these guys not being a top 8 unit.

StL @ Min: Gurley is averaging 115 yds. per game but he’ll struggle to reach that in this game unless he breaks a long one. Hats off to Gregg Williams (?) of all people for making the Saint Looey D the 5th ranked in the league. I very much like the way these teams match up-they’re the 1st and 4th ranked red zone D’s, have strong running games and middling QB’s that will be running for their lives all afternoon. Sounds like a raucous, hard-hitting, low-scoring affair-just like a night on the town with Greg Hardy. Football Outsiders ranks Minny’s first seven games of the season as the easiest in the NFL. The kicker? They rate the Vikes remaining sked as the toughest.

Jax @ NYJ: One of these two teams leads the league defensively in fewest yards per rush and it isn’t the Jets. That’s right, the Jags did a good. Bortles still hasn’t won a road game in his career and it’s not likely to happen today but he has improved his QBR rating by 21 points on enemy fields. Progress! (is slow) Speaking of highly-ranked D’s the Jets come in at #2 overall. Revis will take WR Robinson out of the game so Hurns should get him some. At least that’s what my fantasy brain is telling me. Of course a Jets blog says they have no one to cover TE Thomas so I’m sure he’ll steal all the points.

Oak @ Pit: The Raiders have a winning record against only one team over the last ten years. Guess who they’re 4-1 against? Go ahead, I’ll wait. Good on you QB Carr-he’s improved his QBR from 28th (38.2) last year to 11th (65.8) this year. I don’t think anyone outside his mom and dad could have seen that coming. The Steel Sieve is 26th against the pass so WR’s Cooper and Crabtree have some easy catchin’ to do. The Steelers defensive captain Heyward will play Sunday despite seeing the birth of his first-born yesterday. Gotta hand it to him for going back out there so soon after seeing the old placenta plop onto the floor of the delivery room. (that sorta stuff stays with you, man) Beware WR Brown now that Ben is back. It’s just a matter of time before the both of them go off big time.

 

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Sill Bimmons

Tootsie Pop or Blow Pop?

bourb0nblues

Tootsie.

Smithchez

The Jets running gameplan appears to be comprised entirely of “Ivory up the middle but only when they’ve stacked the box.” It’s an odd strategy to say the least.

Gratliff

Can’t even PI right in Green Bay.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Green Bay: Bad at coverage

Doktor Zymm

Funchess! Both a guy who caught a deep ball just now, and a statement on a game of strategy!

Smithchez

Are the Saints and Titans coated in grease or something?

Sill Bimmons

Garçon means “boy.”

JustStopDude
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

It’s the soup of the day.

laserguru

“More coffee!”

JustStopDude

I am really starting to feel bad for Kirk Cousins. What the fuck does that dude need to do to get his receivers to catch a fucking pass.

Senor Weaselo

Not be on the Slurs?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Stop pissing on Indian burial grounds?

The Maestro

Not be complete shit at reading defenses, I guess…

Doktor Zymm

There are reasons to feel bad for Kirk Cousins. That isn’t really one of them.

blackroseMD1

Seriously. Did all his receivers sign a pact in the locker room to drop every single pass thrown today?

I bet Belichick put anti-stickup on the Skins’ gloves.

entropy

Andy Reid’s been looking for his crisco.

Sharkbait

I fucking hate christmas commercials before Thanksgiving.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

What’s a Thanksgiving?

Smithchez

It’s know around these parts as Pre-Christmas. Also technically Post-Christmas.

Romonobyl

You mean the Hallmark Channel Beautiful Rich White People movies?

Sharkbait

Nothing before Thanksgiving. One holiday at a time assholes!

Smithchez

Oh, [*Redacted] s.

Gratliff

Slurs go full [*Redacted] s.

Sill Bimmons

AND THE DE-UCE

Doktor Zymm

Hm, I could use this opportunity of light fixture replacement to decrease the value of my home…
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entropy

While this in no way has any bearing on your home, I fucking HATE hanging lamps. I have enough trouble not whacking my head on normal lights, and the last thing I need is to ensure I don’t either take one out with an errant shoulder, or get blinded because some low-hanging chandelier is right below my eye line.

I dream of a world of cathedral ceilings, and recessed lighting, and cars that actually have leg room… it’s a small dream, I know, but it’s mine.

Doktor Zymm

My dining room light is hung pretty low, but now that I have a dining room table under it it’s not really an issue. Anything I put in the living room will have at least a 7′ clearance. I may be short, but even I find low ceilings/low hanging stuff kind of claustrophobic.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DeAngelo conversion? This is madness.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DeAngelo down?

bourb0nblues

And the deuce!

Sill Bimmons

DEDOWN

JustStopDude

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Romonobyl

Much worse.

Romonobyl

Oops…

Romonobyl

If the Pats finish undefeated I’m swearing off the NFL for the remainder of my existence.

Senor Weaselo

Can we hope that the Donks do what they did last week to Rodgers to Brady, but worse?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

18-1 times two!

Doktor Zymm

Also, if the Panthers win this game, that’ll mean that GB has lost two in a row. Both to undefeated teams, but still, what panic level do cheeseheads go to?

Romonobyl

They’ll go Full Queso.

entropy

Condition Blue, “Minority in the Neighborhood.”

Smithchez

That Titans-Saints play may be the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

And THAT’S why I don’t watch the Titans.

Sill Bimmons

wow

Gratliff

Aints-tastic

Doktor Zymm

And now “Clinton-Dix being taken for a ride.” My sense of humor is 5.

Senor Weaselo

Ha-Ha!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Ha Ha!

/hangs head in shame.

Romonobyl

Glad I wasn’t the only one to hear that.

Sill Bimmons

Natch.

Senor Weaselo

How is Limitless still a thing?

bourb0nblues

GURLEYDOWN WOO!

Doktor Zymm

Am I the only one who always thinks “hehe, crotch” when Cotchery does something?

entropy

Nope.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I do this one on occasion as well. He must have gotten made fun of so much in elementary school.

Gratliff

Patriots have literally no fear that the [*Redacted] s will be competitive on offense

Smithchez

DREAMCEPTION

JustStopDude

Brady-ception…t-minus 10 seconds until the Skins hand it back over…

Sill Bimmons

JACKASS COULDNT EVEN BLOCK BRADY

Romonobyl

I guess the Carolina Panthers have finally realized that they are the Caroline Panthers.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DREAMBOATCEPTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Senor Weaselo

It’s a start.

Smithchez

God, the [*Redacted] s are a dumpsterfire.

Sill Bimmons

Kenny Britt: NFL wide receiver or country-western star?

entropy

Right. Back to the Stillers game it is.

Smithchez

You know thing aren’t going quite to plan when the announcer is genuinely surprised you’ve completed a successful PAT.

Gratliff

Michael Crabtree, Ball Sucker

Sill Bimmons

OOB

Sill Bimmons

Mine didn’t take.

Smithchez

FAILED TRICKERATION!

Moonbatting Average

Eddie lacy is so goddamn useless

Sharkbait

Yup.

Romonobyl

I bet he keeps the waitress plenty busy.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Jestsdown

Senor Weaselo

Ivorydown!

blackroseMD1

Kirk Cousins is going to murder every WR and TE on the team at halftime.

Gratliff

Jets have lost their fucking minds

Romonobyl

Today’s game was made possible by…boner pills?

Sill Bimmons

And opiate constipation relief pills.

Doktor Zymm

Probably shouldn’t take both of those at the same time.

entropy

Unless you know someone with a very, very specific fetish.

So the Jets kicking game is non-existent.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know what “problems” Folk has. Cramping?

Smithchez

So we’re left with Ryan Quigley, he of the 25 yard punts. Terrific.

These Special Teams are quite “special” this year. Here comes the short bus.

JustStopDude

I-81 is pretty gay…only no one wants to admit or acknowledge it. Lots of truck stop glory holes.