These are slightly downtrodden thoughts, as my Donks fell to 7-1. Turns out that spotting your opponent a 17-0 lead before you wake up and start playing is a bad idea. Who knew? Alas, as I noted earlier, it’s a simple formula for why we can’t have nice things. The Donks can’t beat the Clots. The Clots can’t beat the P*ts. Congrats to Indy for getting a win outside the AFC South!

My God, is Dan Quinn ever stupid. With under 3 minutes to play, the Falcons faced 4th and goal from the San Francisco 2. They trailed 17-13, as they had since halftime. Two timeouts left. And…to the moronic announcers absolute and unequivocal agreement…the fucking idiot KICKS THE FIELD GOAL. I won’t go into a long mathematical discussion, but the time and timeout situation basically means that one 49ers first down means Atlanta gets the ball back with :25, tops. And indeed, THE FLOW picks up 3rd and 4 on a naked bootleg. Again, Quinn thought his odds of preventing ONE first down (and driving 40 or so yards in hurry-up mode for another FG) were better than picking up ONE two-yard play. Actually, no. Because he would have had THE SAME chance had Atlanta gone for it and missed – stop SF three times (where they would likely be more conservative in the shadow of their own goalposts) and get the ball back around midfield. So, they would have needed basically the same number of yards in EITHER scenario. Quinn simply gave away for nothing the “free shot” opportunity – with Devonta Freeman and Julio Jones at his disposal – to win the game from the 2-yard line. Fittingly, SF picked up a 2nd first down and Coach Dumb Shit doesn’t get the ball back at all. But he can sleep soundly knowing that the media groupthink thinks he’s doing just fine. Trusting his defense and all that.

I paid no attention to Bucs/Saints. The coked-up Red Zone man told me the NY team won.

Speaking of NY teams, the Jets rebounded with a derpy win over the Jaguras. Both teams tried really hard to give this one away, but in the end, the Jaguras just wanted it more.

Epic pinball game in Yinzburgh, as young Derek Carr hit Michael Crabtree twice (WOO! fantasy points) including a late strike to knot things up at 35. The Ben was out with a NEW foot owie, so Landry was back and things looked grim indeed. But Antonio Brown was having the game of a lifetime (perhaps of several lifetimes, depending on your view of reincarnation), and he went nuts one more time to set up the winning chip shot FG. DeAngelo Williams also had himself a day, and I have no idea why Boss Todd feeds him like he refused to do with the vastly more talented (before he died) Le’Veon. This will hurt, but not eliminate, the Raiders in the wildcard chase. The Ben is reportedly out “multiple weeks” – how “multiple” that is will be crucial, as Weeks 12-15 are quite the gauntlet to run with one hand behind one’s back.

MOAR pinball, you say? Why the fuck not? Titans and Saints have themselves a wild one. Not that anyone will mistake interim coach Mike Mularkey for a genius, but at least he has the sense to recognize he has a real football player in bowling ball RB Antonio Andrews. By actually feeding him carries, the field opened up for Mariota (playing the Saints/Rob Ryan’s D also helps), and Tennessee punched back against Breesus Christ. After back-to-back kicker fails at the end of regulation, the Titans got the opening drive TD in OT to win 34-28. New Orleans has now lost at home to Tampa AND Tennessee. Yup, turn out the lights, the party’s over. Time to blow this team up and start over.

Cam Newton bounces back with an excellent game, and the Panthers hold off against a garbage time onslaught for a 37-29 win over the Packers. When you go up 37-14 in the 4th quarter (with an excellent defense), you shouldn’t be within 4 yards and a two-point conversion of going to overtime, under any circumstances. If you’re counting (and I am), that’s two weeks in a row Carolina has let up with 3-score leads in the 4th quarter. Don’t leave early to beat traffic, Charlotteans. Still, 8-0 is an impressive accomplishment.

Hang your heads in shame, [*Redacted] s. No, I mean a little extra this week.

Nice to see Miami turn back into Miami again, yes? The state of Florida, so well known for its passion for local professional sports, goes 0-for-Sunday yet again. Buffalo wins – and scores 33 points – throwing a grand total of 12 forward passes. To his credit, Tyrod Taylor DID complete 11 of them. No, I still don’t take the Bills seriously at all.

The league’s most anonymous 6-2 team (Minnesota, doncha know) holds on for a 21-18 OT victory over the Rams. Very physical game that the Rams defense (guess who their defensive coordinator might be?) took over the line into the dirty realm with as cheap a cheap shot as you will ever see. One that completely knocked a sliding Teddy Bridgewater out cold. Good on Mike Zimmer for calling it and them out VERY explicitly in his post-game press conference.

The Cowboys are bad. The Iggles are bad. I stayed up really late on a worknight to watch a really bad game between two bad teams. And I would and will do the same thing all over again. Heroin is a helluva drug. Anyway, it got a wee bit bonkers in the 4th quarter. CasselVANIA threw a Pick Six AND a successful Hail Mary. Don’t see that every day. Then everyone traded FGs, with many divine assists from BLEERGH. Overtime ensued. DEAR JEEBUS I AM TIRED. Philly wins, 33-27, TD to Matthews on opening drive because the Dallas defense is a fucking sieve.