Your “Week Ten Already?” Early Slate of Games Thread

Det @ GB: Detroit hasn’t won a game in Cheese Country since 1991-that’s 23 straight times the Lions have hitch-hiked back home with a sour look on their faces. Megatron is questionable and DB Mathis is gone for the year which is strange. He had concussion symptoms then he didn’t then he did again and now he’s been thrown onto the IR. There’s more to this story of The Tell-Tale Brain. Starks gets the start and with the Lions allowing 5 yards per rush so far this year look for him to have a good ‘un. For the betting folk, the Packers are 17-5-1 versus the spread against the Lions when at home.

Dal @ TB: Six straight losses and counting-How ‘Bout Them Cowboys? Dez went off two separate times in the locker room this week because, according to Dallas apologists, he’s “a super passionate leader-type fella and totally not a thin-skinned hothead that can’t stand criticism”. At least this team has stability at the QB spot (nope), the “star” spot (nope, nope) and the ownership spot (hell naw!). Winston has now gone 4 games without an intercept while the Boys QB’s have thrown 5 in total during the same stretch. Tampa has re-jiggered their D and it has improved. How are the Bucs not favoured in this game?

Car @ Ten: The Panthers are trying to put together their very first nine-game win streak. Cam’s numbers aren’t that great-53.7 completion %, 11 TO’s and a not-sparkling 50 QBR. I blame Ginn. Despite these stats I think they’ll win against a Titans team that brings a certain something to this game. That something is…………a coaching change? I think that’s all they got.

Chi @ StL: The spread here is 7 but I think it’ll be closer. Cutler has a 108 passer rating on third downs and the Rams have 10 sacks on passing third downs. Jeffrey and Forte are listed as questionable. Looks as though Chip Kelly and everyone else except Jeff Fisher were right about QB Foles. In this pass-friendly league this wunderbear has gone over 200 yards once. ONCE! That’s not 300. That’s 200. How many times has he thrown for 2 or more scores? ONCE! And now he has to do without the calm, steady presence of Steadman Bailey. [sarcasm detector goes off] Poor guy.

NO @ Was: Cousins gets to play in the Saints secondary. For QB’s it’s a relatively contact-free Wonderland where you can do…pretty much anything your silly little heart desires with no consequences whatsoever. On O the Saints have been so impressed with the play of RB Spiller that they gave him 2 carries last week and signed Tim Hightower off the scrap heap this week. The Slurs led the league in rushing thru weeks 1-4 and have failed to reach 60 yards since. That’s four straight games of abject failure. The last team to do this in five straight was-you guessed it-the 1940 Eagles.

Mia @ Phi: This is a scorching matchup featuring the last and second-last possessors of the league’s worst QBR’s. After running for 40 yards in his pro debut, look for Fins RB Ajayi to get worked into the rush game a wee bit more. For Philly it all comes down to the question posed by Bleeding Green Nation bloggers Dave Mangel and Patrick Wall-“Will the Eagles can make next week’s three of them in a row?” I don’t but doubt they can will. Never has a fan base been so happy to eke out a win in overtime game against a 2-5 team.

Cle @ Pit: Johnny is expected to get the start today. Want to know how to maintain a sh*t franchise? Take a page out of the Browns playbook. Once you’ve assembled a dearth of talent, have the coach not play the GM’s guys. Reportedly Pettine was not happy with the drafting of Manziel and loathes playing/supporting him. In turn he is not giving RB Johnson, who is a Farmer “guy” a fair opportunity. Well done, sucky organization! “Sources” have said that Ben will be the backup to Jones today. Whoo boy, WR Brown is getting matched up against CB Desir who has no Int’s and all of 5 passes defensed this season.

Jax @ Bal: The 2-6 Jags feel that their entire season rides on this game. This seems ludicrous on the surface but you don’t swim in the vile muck that is the AFC South, do you? If any lousy team could pull off a completely impossible 8 game win streak it would have to be Jacksonville though, wouldn’t it? How’d you like to be WR Chris Givens of the Ravens? He was an afterthought on the Rams roster a few weeks ago and now he’s the go-to guy in what could be called the Baltimore passing game. Lucky guy.

 

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Redshirt

Alright I just work up, and how did Sanchez show up?

http://media.giphy.com/media/Lf5ijIR8zjzri/giphy.gif

Redshirt

*woke

Still waking up.

blackroseMD1

LOLWinston!

How the hell do you even do that?

Bortleback

This is the same man who gave us this treasure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th52zJgKMQE

King Hippo

Dallas = TP

Spur

But of course there’s a flag

JustStopDude

Um…did ISIS just attack the LA Fox studio?!? Even Joe Buck acknowledge something was going on…

The Maestro

Holy shitballs, just abort this Tampa-Dallas game already.

Romonobyl

Fourth quarter abortions should be legal.

King Hippo

Jameis = poop

Spur

Wow, Winston really?!?!

Romonobyl

I can’t wait until Sean Lee gets back so Dallas can have one quarter of good defense before he goes on IR again.

entropy

He gets concussions eating cupcakes.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Supergirl: Still can’t act

Bortleback

Who needs acting ability when you’re flying around wearing a short skirt

entropy

But she’s purty

entropy

I am now talking to an old truck driver from Beaver County PA and his stories are AWESOME.

fleshwound_NPG

Antonio Brown doing the thing

https://vine.co/v/iBTK1BTQalA

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Antonio Brown is still good at football.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Bortleback

Needs less consent to be truly representative of Ben

Spur

Incoming bucs TD

Romonobyl

Dez Bryant couldn’t catch AIDS in Somalia today.

King Hippo

The CasselVANIA Cowboys really are goddamned hilarious. A national treasure, truly.

John Difool

I wish Washington could play New Orleans every week.

Bortleback

I also like that

fleshwound_NPG

Jeff Fisher and Gregggggg Williams do deserve each other

King Hippo

Stupid Jaguras

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Stupid SEXY Jaguars.

fleshwound_NPG

lulz Jeff Fisher

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

: Waisting pass rushers’ talents since 1999

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Bortleback

Not to be confused with Bitch Hunter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLa_beHZfws

JustStopDude

Or “Bitch Killer”

https://youtu.be/GZQWQ64-GTg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WHOA! Which one was first?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, no, the one about Roger’s death is much better.

Romonobyl

Karma is kicking Dez square in his ass.

blackroseMD1

My fantasy team’s ass too, since Butterfingers is one of my starting WRs.

blaxabbath

re: Scrotchnaut’s intro: If Jax goes on a streak and beat NE in the playoffs, I will buy a color rush ::Searches Google:: ALLEN ROBINSON jersey.

Senor Weaselo

Blake Bortles Beats Bostonian Ballclub, Breaks Brains

Romonobyl

somethingsomethingrRondaRousysomethingsomethingkiddiepoolfullofpuddingsomethingsomething…

Romonobyl

OK Dallas…DO SOMETHING!
http://i39.tinypic.com/2195nv8.gif

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Bortleback

I suddenly want to introduce myself to her (but give a fake name – she looks kinda crazy)

...

St. Louis Steamers.

Hehehe… poop.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

WhodahellisBarnidgedown!!!

blackroseMD1

Barnidge, Gary (name): A Tight End for the Cleveland Browns who will put up great fantasy numbers this season and then move on to another team where he will immediately become worthless.

See: Cameron, Jordan

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Stupid Harfception.

King Hippo

Jaguras!!!

blackroseMD1

Something something Jameis…something something crablegs…something something Cowboys stealing the game.

Shut up, I’m hungover.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I didn’t know the Soggy Bottom Boys were Steeler fans.

Romonobyl

Nice pick!!!

JustStopDude

Going through my luggage, I got the little note that the TSA inspected my shit.

I also got now a broken mouse because the shitheads closed my suitcase with the USB hanging out of it.

I seriously hate TSA. I try not to…I mean I realize that we need to have security…but its so fucking frustrating to deal with these people on a weekly basis. I can’t tell you the number of times these folks don’t recognize a fucking TWIC ID.

blaxabbath

You know what’s better security than some moron poking through your bag? Not giving arms to people who will kill you.

It’s kind of a “the run opens up play action” situation.

Bortleback

That’s crazy talk – next you’ll be saying that universal healthcare for all is a good thing, and that corporations aren’t people

John Difool

Jones tried as hard as possible not to get a first down there but the Saints insisted on it.

Romonobyl

DAL/TB so far makes wonder why I miss this during the summer.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

JFFCeption

John Difool

Saints give zero fucks on offense or defense

blaxabbath

Hey all. I’ve been lying here watching Rams for…man, since the first half. It’s 62 out today though so I’m freezing and unable to do anything.

One thing I wish the NFL would adopt from the college game is regional broadcast teams. For example, the Pac-12 Network has just a handful of broadcast teams who are fairly knowledgeable about every team. Then, when they play a non-conference game, the assigned crew has to go learn about the opponents. I think this provides a better product than the network teams being responsible for following every NFL team. It becomes so clear during these NFL broadcasts that the announcers know the headline stories and star players — and then pretty much just wing it with generalities and horseshit for the rest of the game.

It’s a modest proposal, I know, but one nonetheless.

JustStopDude

Do you also get enraged, when its like 2am on the east coast, and the crew they have covering the Hawaii-Arizona game is light-years better than the best NFL crew?

Cause I sure as fuck do….and I think the NFL should have to pay for my drywall…

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
ThursdaySkyGoddess

Of all the Cleveland Browns in the world, they’re the Cleveland Browniest.

Mother Puncher

Browns have a good strategy: if the refs keep throwing flags, eventually they’ll run out of them.

Romonobyl

I’ll bet that Packers sweater gave Ditka a wicked bad psychosomatic rash.

...

Peyton Manning’s player’s choice pizza: Crispy silicon chips with a WD-40 sauce.

Romonobyl

And his electrolyte doesn’t come from Gatorade.

King Hippo

wow, Infinite Factory

Moonbatting Average

“Defense, Motherfuckers, can you play it?!”

Saints: “Um, no”

Don T

Ay. ¿Por QUEEEÉEEEE?

Don T

Shit challenge to try to ice the kicker. It failed, but godammit, TEN is doing anything to win. I’m dru–erm, hapPy.