Your “At Least It’s Not Titans/Jags On Thursday” Monday Night Thread

Hou @ Cin: Coach O’Brien of the Texans admitted to his team that benching Hoyer after the first game of the season was a mistake. If only more “leaders of men” were so forthcoming. At 3-5 Houston (who?) is a half-game out of first and one game removed from last in the AFC Harrison Bergeron Division. One guy that ain’t care about any of this “This team sucks!” or “Who’s the QB this week?” business is WR Hopkins and his 870 yards and 6 TD’s. What I want to know is-where is his sideline tantrum? Where is the mid-week DUI? When does he bang a porn star and prove it on Instagram? I’m not sure if I can regard the fella as a superstar until he steps up to the plate and starts acting like one. Kudos to all you fantasy bums that grabbed TE Eifert off the waiver wire. Aren’t you the smartest bunny rabbits in the briar patch! The Bengals are 8-0 for the first time ever and 9 straight looks like a slam dunk. And yet this game has all the sex appeal of the corpse of Bea Arthur performing a ‘naughty’ burlesque number. Go figure-because the NFL hasn’t bothered to.

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Sharkbait

Wait. Hold on. HOUSTON IS IN FIRST PLACE NOW?

Redshirt

Well. Time to listen to fair weather fans demand Lewis be fired.

King Hippo

Again, unless he asks for a raise, he’s Mike Brown’s man for life.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah that review isn’t saving shit for Cincy. So unless the Texans decide to throw the ball instead of taking a knee, I’m going to bed. Night, all.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hey, they just MIGHT.

Moonbatting Average

Put in Osweiler!!!

Oh wait I seem to have become unstuck in time

makeitsnowondem

Welp.

Sill Bimmons
ballsofsteelandfury

Oh Bengals!

Sharkbait

So catch and fumble or incomplete on 4th down. Doesnt really matter does it?

Sill Bimmons

Determines level of DALTONOBYL

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Great, review to decide the game. :fart noise:

Redshirt

Hurray! We suck again!

WCS

Feel free to lose all eight games left!

Why Thank You Eddie

Ya know its wrong but I thought the same thing.

JustStopDude

comment image

Doktor Zymm

This game has become a race, which will have the life drained from it first, my phone, or the Bengals season?

Sill Bimmons

NOTWATTSACK

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Marvin Lewis feels good about getting into field goal range here.

Redshirt

I just realized that Dalton has a soul patch. Insert joke here.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s unpossible!

Sharkbait

Texans gon’ Texan

ballsofsteelandfury

They really are.

Why Thank You Eddie

Is there a 4 point conversion in the new rules?

ballsofsteelandfury

WTF with that New Year’s Eve bowl commercial?

BTW, that’s a UCLA threesome right there.

King Hippo

Is Watt still bespoiling Katy Perry? Or has she thankfully developed better taste and/or judgment?

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m guessing that’s a no on both counts.

Sill Bimmons

come on God

Redshirt

http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Hallelujah!.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20071015155745

Eifert caught a pass!!!

Redshirt

“The Bengals have to go 48 yards, but they’ve been struggling to move the ball 48 yards all night.”

Whose side are you on Bengals Radio Team?!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game is not unlike the difference between being and not being.

ballsofsteelandfury

Schrodinger’s MNF?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Reality

Sharkbait

Rocky 6 is a thing isnt it?

Redshirt

This’ll be Rocky VII

Sharkbait

You’re assuming I acknowledge the existence of Rocky V

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Uh, Mike, it looks like Watt hurt his “other axe,” if you know what I mean

Sill Bimmons
Why Thank You Eddie

You sound like my mother. I’ll get married when I’m ready.

Sharkbait

…I dont think his back is sore Gruden….

Why Thank You Eddie

So these two bring out the best, no worst, no..best in each other. No, worst. Definitely worst.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Watt needs a rest in the fourth quarter?! SELFISH

King Hippo

NO PLAYS OFF!

Redshirt

When in doubt, throw it to AJ Green.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Doktor Zymm

It’s highly unlikely the bengals will score two safetys real quick, so probably don’t have to worry about overtime. I’m pretty sure the double safety is more likely than a bengals td and texans fg.

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re the statistician round these parts, so I’ll trust yer math.

Redshirt

We’ve secretly replaced Tyler Eifert with Jermaine Gresham. Let’s see if Bengals fan notice.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think he’s been secretly replaced by JPP

Sharkbait

Are we drinking for Eifert drops yet?

makeitsnowondem

As an Eifert owner, you bet your ass I am.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How many Texans want to blow this game to get their head coach fired?

ballsofsteelandfury

All of them.

makeitsnowondem

Trainer: How many fingers am I holding up?

Hoyer: Three.

Trainer: And what are your team’s colors?

Hoyer: Red, white, and blue.

Trainer: Great, just one more question. Who’s the president?

Hoyer: [chuckles] Well, obviously I am.

Trainer: That’s… what?

Hoyer: [turns to camera] This is Hoyer Country.

Redshirt

If the Bengals win this, they deserve the win.
If the Bengals lose this, they deserve the loss.

Either way, they deserve to lose this game.

Sill Bimmons
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

When you make AJ Hawk relevant, you’re a sorry-ass QB.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’m legitmately starting to lose chunks of time watching this game. Better start drinking, otherwise it’ll be worrying

ballsofsteelandfury

I think you’ve discovered time travel. This game is the portal.

JustStopDude
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Empty backfield up 4? Do the Texans know they’re winning?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“Win-ning?” Bill O’brien

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

If Johnathan Joseph is so smart, how come he lives in igloos?

Sharkbait

The Texans did another good??

Why Thank You Eddie

Stop trying to distract..oh..thank you

Horatio Cornblower

“Vince Wilfork runs him down.”

Oh god, is he dead?

Horatio Cornblower

The local ad they just ran was for one of those community cable TV shows. The guy does a program on ‘Biblical Stones’ and he looks exactly like you’d expect a guy who does a show on Biblical stones to look.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Molest-y, taxidermy-y, or molest-kill-and-stuff-the-victim-y?

Horatio Cornblower

Little from column A, little from column B.

Redshirt

Time for Dalton to win the game. (Oh, God. Why?!)