![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
Hou @ Cin: Coach O’Brien of the Texans admitted to his team that benching Hoyer after the first game of the season was a mistake. If only more “leaders of men” were so forthcoming. At 3-5 Houston (who?) is a half-game out of first and one game removed from last in the AFC Harrison Bergeron Division. One guy that ain’t care about any of this “This team sucks!” or “Who’s the QB this week?” business is WR Hopkins and his 870 yards and 6 TD’s. What I want to know is-where is his sideline tantrum? Where is the mid-week DUI? When does he bang a porn star and prove it on Instagram? I’m not sure if I can regard the fella as a superstar until he steps up to the plate and starts acting like one. Kudos to all you fantasy bums that grabbed TE Eifert off the waiver wire. Aren’t you the smartest bunny rabbits in the briar patch! The Bengals are 8-0 for the first time ever and 9 straight looks like a slam dunk. And yet this game has all the sex appeal of the corpse of Bea Arthur performing a ‘naughty’ burlesque number. Go figure-because the NFL hasn’t bothered to.
Your “At Least It’s Not Titans/Jags On Thursday” Monday Night Thread
I’m embarrassed for that pass
If the Bengals can’t open this game up against TJ Yates, they are clearly NOT elite
I like food on sticks.
JJ WATT vs TOM BRADY: ESPN Presents an All-Star All-Action Hardcore Sex Movie. Who wins Edelmans tender love? WATCH TO FIND OUT!! Only $19.99 on Disney PPV.
Ryan Mallett at home: “Should I have bought an alarm clock?”
:takes bong rip:
“Naaaaah”
I didn’t realize Mallett was a DFO°
SOULLESSSACK
Oh, great! T.J. Yates is going to play.
Doesn’t this much slobbering over JJ Watt’s dick violate obscenity statues? Or is it okay cause this is cable?
I meant statutes, but now I’m curious as to what an obscenity statue is and how one would violate it.
Do a Jim Morrison grave porn search … or so I’m told…
?w=300&h=228
There’s no slobber left, they used it all up on Brady yesterday. J.J.’s gonna need some burn ointment for his Dick at the end of this game.
J.J.J Watt…. Mother Sackresa
This game….
In this case, crack does NOT kill
Indeed
Yes, JJ Watt never does anything that draw attention to himself.
STOLEN VALOR
Where do the high school girls hang out around here?
Nacho?
No, I like to take them for ice cream.
Not to make fun of a serious subject, but this game can’t be good for anyone referred to in OSZ’ post today.
Post OSZ’s … post and some bourbon and bitters I feel like I have this shit game in proper perspective.
This is just like last night’s game, except instead of Clete Blakeman’s officiating crew we have both of these teams.
Fuck you O’Brian
Fedora-witz: “I got circumcised before it was cool”
Just heard that the “safe space” for Yale students has banned all airing of Monday and Thursday night football games.
I really want to tell the kids to just…
http://cdn0.dailydot.com/uploaded/images/original/2013/6/3/spider_deal_with_it.gif
That should make said space safe from crushing boredom and limitless disappointment.
Someone should tell those Yale kids they go to school and live in New Haven. The five blocks surrounding Yale are the safest fucking blocks in the entire city.
Walk a mile west and then tell me how you don’t feel safe on campus.
Proposal to liven up this game: Two footballs can be played on the field. Two drives happen at the same time.
MuLTIBALL!!
I have no stake in this game except the hope that Hoyer will force the ball to Hopkins on every single play.
My stake is the exact opposite. I need Hopkins to not do a damn thing.
I also need AJ Green to score a couple of TDs, but it seems like touchdowns have been banned tonight.
I hereby demand an apology from everyone who called Thursday night’s game a boring shitshow.* THIS is a boring shitshow.
*Unless you are red-green colorblind. THE CRIMSON SCOURGE probably was less compelling in black and white and gray.
I thought I was watching a Starbucks cup get concussed
THAT CONCUSSION BETTER TELL ME MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
Geez, Refs. Holding much?
I choose to imagine that this is a high-scoring, exciting NHL game
6-3 is not an exciting hockey game. It just means the goalies both had Headcase Goalie Time on the same night
Sup homies.
Nuh much. You?
“Yinz?’ Dammit, should have gone with “Yinz”.
There is not enough cocaïne in the entire run of Archer Vice to salvage this game.
I have no idea why the umlauts, but I’m keeping them.
I would like to see if this game could get me to sleep through blow
Things went poorly for the Ice Stillers this weekend.
I just want to thank OSZ for his post earlier today. That was damn brave to put.our ypur imaginary friends.
Yep. Enjoyed it and the call back to Ape’s article too.
It was well timed because I was off all day long. fucking hate that.
then I went out and put a huge bow on my 2004 honda pilot and pretended it was a new Lexus.
Then I got happy because I realized that it was my old car, and that I wasn’t about to become a raging douchebag.
Dumber fantasy football move for me this week (Non-Sill insanity league version): Starting Peyton Manning over Ryan Fitzpatrick or starting Alfred Blue over pick a backup?
What’s with all the pointlessly fancy screwdriver commercials?
IT IS THE CHRISTMAS AND WE NEED TO SELL THIS SHIT NOW! IF NOT, JOHNSON IN ACCOUNTING SAYS WE’RE ALL GETTING THE BOOT!
But…but I need more grip!
I’ve got this game in the background with no volume while I’m on the Internet on my phone and I’m still annoyed at how much it sucks. Not even fantasy football can salvage this.
I wandered upstairs, well away from the TV, and I can hear it in the background, slowly making me angrier.
Tell me something – how come France could hit all of those targets in Syria with the info we gave them – and we never did?
Because Obama didn’t want to get involved in another war. If we did, Hillary and Dems can’t use the Iraq War against the Republicans.
They have zero fucks to give and don’t care if they kill civilians?
I’m going to agree with the theory that right now France has zero fucks to give and nobody will fault them for it.
Yeah, they have “they started it” on their side and collateral damage now more acceptable.
My read is that we were going to, but let them do it instead
We were hitting all the other targets and maybe hospitals already.
And I should have noted, I don’t want to get political, I’m honestly curious as to why.
France was really fucking motivated.
My good friend Fozz
The GCSG keeps track of these groups ontassholes on theor own. The French have been more inerested in angry Muslims for a much longefr perios thazn the US.
Bad, bad Andy.
Borinterception!
Busy watching the Ottawa Senators choke in overtime yet again. Clearly I’ve missed a riveting game.
SOULLESSCEPTION
And there’s Primetime Andy!
I feel for those people listening to this game while driving.
ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW!
This game
I’m going to go read Russian literature and listen to death metal. That’ll cheer me up after watching this game.
The second half just started. I believe you can go way sadder than that if you continue watching.
Lermontov in particular seems like a step up from what we’re watching here.
Russian Cliffs Notes: everyone is an alcoholic, about half commit suicide. Other half just all jelly.
SPOILER: In “War and Peace,” it turns out that Rosebud was his sled.
OH FUCK YOU!!!!!
/Throws ‘War & Peace’ at wall
//breaks wall
That fat man celebratory sack dance is probably going to be the high point of this game.
Meh, If you live in Jersey, Chris Christie does them on demand.
Why does it feel like Thursday?
Because this game is terrible.
Because, NFL….
Today in callin sports talk radio, someone mentioned that Holly Holm was “attractive”.
I googled her image, and my penis retracted into my body. It’s still there.
She’s basically Amy Schumer on PED’s….
Her labia could snap a pencil in half
She beat Rouse so hard she looked Chinese. Imagine what she’d do to a Dick.
She reminds me a little too much of Tonya Harding. I’m kind of surprised she didn’t have her coach distract the ref while she smack Rousey with a police baton.
Zales Extraordinary Moments – quite a fucking stretch for this game so far
What’s more offensive: McDonald’s Urban commercials or Soul Plane?
But did they serve McDonald’s on the plane in the movie Soul Plane? That’s the conundrum.
It was Popeye’s.
fam this is too many spiders
Oh hey, college football brackets. Let me go and check my belly button for lint, that’s much more interesting.
Holy shit…there is a type of spider that builds its nest for its young under water…
http://i.imgur.com/OrjDMNi.gif
Uses surface tension to capture air in its hair and brings it below the surface.
I can’t tell you the fucking score of this game, but I have learned more about spiders in the last 30 minutes than ever before…
Nitey nite boyz n gurlz
Shit someone is holding?!? WHO????
Joined tonight by JJ Fozz Sr., halftime creeping up, he says, “I’m getting out of here before that asshole starts talking.”
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