![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
Hou @ Cin: Coach O’Brien of the Texans admitted to his team that benching Hoyer after the first game of the season was a mistake. If only more “leaders of men” were so forthcoming. At 3-5 Houston (who?) is a half-game out of first and one game removed from last in the AFC Harrison Bergeron Division. One guy that ain’t care about any of this “This team sucks!” or “Who’s the QB this week?” business is WR Hopkins and his 870 yards and 6 TD’s. What I want to know is-where is his sideline tantrum? Where is the mid-week DUI? When does he bang a porn star and prove it on Instagram? I’m not sure if I can regard the fella as a superstar until he steps up to the plate and starts acting like one. Kudos to all you fantasy bums that grabbed TE Eifert off the waiver wire. Aren’t you the smartest bunny rabbits in the briar patch! The Bengals are 8-0 for the first time ever and 9 straight looks like a slam dunk. And yet this game has all the sex appeal of the corpse of Bea Arthur performing a ‘naughty’ burlesque number. Go figure-because the NFL hasn’t bothered to.
Your “At Least It’s Not Titans/Jags On Thursday” Monday Night Thread
Am I the only one who would love to see Sage Steele and Chris Berman’s love child? Yes, yes. I am.
/goes to shame closet
Muted before Berman word one. I must not be THAT drunk. And I had two vicuprofen before I started getting drunk!
How dare you besmirch the swami????
He and his toupe deserve the utmost respect bcuz…..
Yeah, I got nothing. Dude’s a twit.
I changed the channel immediately. Debating watching ‘Fargo’ but too whipped and will catch it tomorrow. Last week’s episode though; holy shit.
I know, yeah. Ok then.
AGREED! Gets better every week. Same with The Leftovers (this week’s is also in the DVR). I can’t watch either this late, my mind will race and I won’t sleep.
We live in a great era to be weirdoes that watch too much TV.
Man, what happened to your W.L.E. team this week?
BAD things, man. McManus and the Denver D ,, smgdh
Berman’s the one with the potato chip the size of his body.
YAY HALFTIME
Another thing that’s good is Evil Twin Ashtray Heart.
By the way: Is there anything you guys would like to see, or stop seeing, in Commentist Beer Barrel? Other than “stop posting them on Sundays,” which I swear I’m going to do.
BRING BACK MATT!
I’d like 10,000 words on the Bud-Miller merger.
Okay, but it’s just going to be “i dont care” repeated 3,334 times.
Enough of bad football I say!!!
I got dvr’d shit that I’ll actually enjoy….I think.
later taterz
Halftime Fallout.
same
Finished Halo 5 today on normal. Still working on legendary.
The ending suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
Come on 100-yard Fair Catch Kick Attempt!
Gruden: “I’d be happy where I am if I’m Bill O’Brien.”
Employed in the NFL?
THIS TEXANS-BENGALS GAME, I CALL IT THE UNISOM BOWL BECAUSE…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Vera Wang is the worst.
I dunno who or what that is.
Fuck Scott Van Pelt and his “let’s get weird and make the closed captioning people work for their money.” That is a hard, thankless job and you make millions discussing a clearly crooked sport that is barely relevant, and is losing audience to a hockey league that managed to shoot itself in the foot not once, but twice.
Fuck your bald ass, you prick.
Chances this game ends 9-6 in OT?
Another punt…makes me want to just call it a night…
http://forgifs.com/gallery/d/206845-1/Digging-camo-spider-nope.gif
Dalton hasn’t thrown an accurate deep pass all night.
It’s harder than it looks
-Teddy Bridgewater
This game blows all the goats. Lines ’em up, deep throats ’em. One by one.
Well, I can see that I’ve missed a whole lot.
We had a hold and a re-kick on a FG AND off-setting fouls and the rare re-puntening
Texans were trying for the Half-Dollar Defense
Wait…is this racist?
My question is how?
Not “how is this racist” but “how did he get away with that”
Clearly the man with the sword tripped over his ridiculous shoes. That, or the animators fucked up hard.
Kind of a stereotype isn’t it?
Though Silks are usually taller…
The kids would say “cultural appropriation” or some shit like that.
THANKS OBAMA!!!!!!11111
Pislam is a religion, not a race.
Cushing tried diving in for the late hit, but was a little too high to get any contact.
Muff by taint…well everyone knows that…it’s basic anatomy!
Sorry…upon further review, he said muffed by Tate. But I still stand by my initial statement.
It’s a spiderkoopa!
Anna I love you but that’s really not what I meant when I said “take off all your clothes.”
I’m still digesting that they let Jon Gruden around teens.
I’m not saying Wilfork is fat or anything but Jesus Christ he’s fucking fat.
When he sits around the house, his BMI is 25 X the minimum for obese
Shit now Butters is gonna have to monitor Wilfork’s Twitter comments, too.
/considers tasteless NFL dead pool joke
//mixes drink instead
Please, lets hear it.
I think the Bengals finally realize that its primetime and the sun didn’t go into a white, night-like eclipse as their coaches told them it did.
BILLS VS PATRIOTS. PLEASE WATCH ANYWAY
So I got called “The worst kind of commenter” and a “mouthbreathing idiot” on Gawker tonight. Do I get a merit badge, or is it just Monday?
It’s Gawker, special snowflake land. Wear it as a badge of honor.
Were you posting a bunch of spider .gifs? Otherwise, it was undeserved.
Here a kick, there a kick, everywhere a kick, kick
Ole Mc Dalton had no soul, e-i-e-i-o
Kia Mom wants her kid to be Jon Gruden.
“You better know what you’re doing when you’re playing the Texans ”
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kUXK6azldF0/UE5YveZFI7I/AAAAAAAACy8/xBXs1gccHFA/s1600/crazy-laughter.jpg
Really glad I picked the Packers, Seahawks, and Bengals all to cover this week.
GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE
Since we’re on a spider theme, I found one of these fuckers dead in my sink when I lived in Sydney:
http://museumvictoria.com.au/spiders/images/large/mn15775.jpg
I killed one in my previous house in NC. On my main (interior) staircase. Then wife’s greatest phobia.
Could’ve been worse?
When I lived at the Grand Canyon, we caught a tarantula and tried to keep it as a pet. The spider did not return our love and affection.
Hey! It’s Charles James!
I hate JJ Watt and his annoying commercials but how the hell do they not call holding on the offense?!?
Awful nice of Tirico and Gruden to give the crew guys a shout out and acknowledge their hard work. I assume that means they’ll volunteer their 1st class plane tickets to crew members for the rest of the season.
I worked with a freelencer a couple times who did (does?) one of the robo cameras for SNF. Guy essentially was only home from tuesday-thursday before he was on the road again. Tough, tough gig.
THESE ROBOTIC CAMERAS WILL DESTROY US ALL!
Except, of course, for those of us whose Robot Insurance is all paid up.
Gotta keep that Old Glory payment current!
I don’t doubt that it’s a tough gig. Through my snarky comment I was actually hoping to stick up for the crew members. They likely deserve far better compensation and treatment than they receive. With the money the Shield and the NFL brings in, they should take care of them. Guess that would interfere with the legal defense fund for their on air personalities though.
/dick joke
Oh yeah. Those guys should get more coming back to them.
Wait, was that mattress commercial endorsing Yeti polygamy?
HOLY SHIT, IT WAS A SLIPPERY SLOPE FROM GAY MARRIAGE!
well shit
Did the ref get hit by a sniper just now?
Be hard to do a baseline concussion test for Pacman
Did the Bengals defense decide to get Hot Dogs or something?
HOYERIFIC
Holy shit you can use a cat laser on spiders!!!
In Troy’s defense, is he really dwelling in the past, or does he need the frequent reminders of his own name?
Why are there two NFL teams in Ohio? Do the Browns not actually count?
Ohio was much more populous, prosperous and powerful in the 50s/60s when the teams were founded.
Mike Brown’s ego
Cleveland not really Ohio anyway, it’s sort of like East Germany during the Cold War…. The theme park.
Cincinnati doesn’t really count, either.
Paul Brown wanted to piss off Art Modell
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