A far less cynical commenter than I pointed out to me that this game isn’t exactly “eye poison”. Let’s take a look at this half-full game with some rose-coloured glasses, shall we?
Ten @ Jax: The Jags are 2-2 at home and with a win will tie the Luck-less Colts for first place in the AFC South. Bortles is tied for the league lead in game-winning drives. All three victories were the result of him marching his team down the field in the waning minutes for the last score. Not too shabby. Fantasy-wise the Jags feature the highest-scoring WR duo. Robinson made a bit of a splash last year but the real revelation is Hurns. He was the guy I made fun of in a snarky post at the beginning of the season. Well, he’s scored a TD in 7 straight, averages 17 yards a catch and caused me to place my tail between my legs when I picked him up off the waiver wire a few weeks ago. QB Mariota (do we have a nickname for this guy yet-I think he’ll be around for a dozen years or so) has thrown for 4 TD’s and no intercepts twice. He’s in a bad, interim-coach situation and hasn’t completely shit the bed which bodes well for his future but not his early development.
BLEERGH DEMANDS MOAR
FUCK YOU ref, I needed those 13 fantasy points. Gimme the shit call.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/b8da9e609cafa651a2188df17d9b11c9/tumblr_nqs01f77DU1snmmclo1_500.gif
HOW THE–
*looks at who is playing*
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BOYS??
SNL needs to do a skit with Da Burrs fans about Ditka wearing Packers gear, Pronto.
F-M-K: Lily, Flo, Norm MacDonald’s Colonel Sanders. Go!
F all of the above
F Flo M Lily K NMDCS
Sill is correct. Must be the medical background.
I feel like I should find something to experimentally snort.
I hear carpet cleaner does stuff.
I’m getting a pretty good buzz/headache from the fumes coming off this sheepskin I ordered from China
Delay of Game should be a double penalty for this game, because prolonging this thing is torture.
C’mon fantasy points safety!!!
Can’t you just wait until next Friday?
http://www.ohmagif.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/drunk-santa-fail.gif
“I actually thought we might have an offensive showdown tonight.”
“I did too.”
These two really need to ditch the suits and wear matching “I’m With Stupid” t-shirts.
[arrow points at crotch]
You don’t find this showdown offensive?
Even MOAR exciting than our wildest dreemz, amirite??
BEEN WAITIN’ SINCE EIGHT FOR THURSDAY NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
Wow. This game is literally bad enough that my TV went on strike and spontaneously turned itself off.
I am completely serious. That actually happened.
http://funny-pictures-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Funny-GIF1.gif
I’m only watching for Delanie Walker fantasy points.
I’m seriously considering a nap instead.
So you’re saying your t.v. staged an intervention?
http://static2.businessinsider.com/image/4ed9026eeab8eaa729000052-960/tv-suicide.jpg
Lucky you.
That’s nothing. My TV kept insisting it was James Dungy until I hung it on the wall.
http://karatekid.sydlexia.com/forums/images/Psychotic-JohnnyDangerously.png
My TV told me to kill the foil people.
[orders burrito to go]
Jesus I’ve been to louder funerals.
CRSB SCRS 4 — 2 C STLLRS W
Just when you thought the Jags couldn’t find a QB worse than Gabbert.
http://img.izismile.com/img/img4/20110929/1000/funny_animal_gif_animations_05.gif
Found the song I was actually looking for that started this whole codeine song odyssey
http://i.imgur.com/6UKuo.gif
Blake Bortles is the next generation of quarterbacks?
Weep for the future.
If you want a vision of the future just imagine a Bortle stomping on a human face forever. -George Orwell
I feel like The Man From U.N.C.L.E. must have been a Hollywood welfare program for costume designers.
http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0175/8784/products/DontCare400w_large.jpg?v=1386959980
THAT AD CAMPAIGN IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY
The best part about this comment is that I don’t need to know which one you’re talking about to agree.
LIKE ANYONE IS GOING TO GO TO THEIR WEBSITE TO SEE HOW THEIR STUPID FUCKING ADS END AAAARRRIIIIIIIGGHHHHHAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
http://funny-pictures-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/funny-pictures-meme-gif/2014/02/Funny-GIF-Damn-you-pizza.gif
I CALL THIS GAME MODERN ART, BECAUSE IT FEATURES LOTS OF UGLY COLORS, IS BORING AS HELL, AND I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHY I’M LOOKING AT IT!
The longer I watch this game the more I’m convinced I’m subjected myself to eyeball rape. Gonna have to hit the eyewash station at work extra-hard in the morning.
“Lets bring in Mike Carey to explain a play that doesn’t really need any explanation.”
He was basically the NFL’s equivalent of Perd Hapley on that one.
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2014-01/enhanced/webdr06/19/16/anigif_enhanced-buzz-622-1390165513-6.gif
Vera Wang is a goddamn cockroach.
Ice Stillers 3 — 2 Ice Donks 6:00 left 3rd.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/4e7e6601741ef493b5c81ab3a7287843/tumblr_n08ot1x6EG1saa4c5o1_400.gif
God what a great show. Season two was a little . . . um, uneven.
http://i.imgur.com/FXXQg6e.gif?noredirect
Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off.
Honda: Because nothing says “escape” like sitting inside a little metal box.
I thought I was being hip with the young people, turns out the drawstring on my sweats was broken.
Blerp Derples
Blake Butterfinger Bortles
I wish Faye Reagan would stop sexting me. Have a little pride, you scamp.
The original purple drank song (not exactly SFW lyrics)
I recognize this song from the soundtrack of Sophie’s Choice.
“They look puke and Smurfs.” — Wifey
Bile and turquoise.
Is she talking about your balls AGAIN?!?!
Time for bed. [will try to re-connect lucid dream-wise with out-of-my-league girl that wanted to have sex with me 25 years ago that I figured out just ten years ago]
Victor Frankenstein will be even worse than this game.
Oh, that’s a movie? I thought it was “Peyton Manning: A Football Life”.
It sounded like the announcer said “Suckup with the kick” and I thought for a single stunned second that Peter King was playing in the NFL.
The demise of KSK has deprived me of Peter King’s unique brand of sycophantry.
I almost miss it.
dan wetzel is like the methodone to PK’s heroine
http://sports.yahoo.com/news/bill-belichick-s-stiff-arm-of-nfl-s-camouflage-campaign-an-unlikely-coincidence-013058598.html
We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak.
When I was in college, I didn’t protest anything. I was trying to get drunk, high, or laid. Or all three at once.
These college kids these days . . .fucking safe spaces. Jesus god.
Special snowflakes. If they want a truly safe space they should all cover themselves with placentas and just climb back into the womb.
grumble grumble sorry that womb is currently occupied grumble grumble.
The closest thing we ever had to a protest on our campus was when the cafeteria served a single meal without any meat products available. They promised that they would never, ever, ever do it again.
imho those kent stat students shiouldve staid inside and let those natnal guardsMEN “do their jobs” and not get in the way,,,
My Dad’s Sophomore or Junior year, there was a riot on campus. It was because the cops had promised not to do anymore drug raids. They broke the promise. He”s told me that they flipped over cop cars and set them on fire.
that’s a riot i can get behind. halloween costumes hurting feelings? that’s a paddlin’
Sometimes I feel like he’s just bragging with his college stories. The first show his Freshman year was the Doors, just after they blew up. Apparently there was a dealer walking up and down the line for people waiting to get in calling out the drugs he had like a vendor at a ballgame.
Mescaline, I’ve got your Acid etc.
Bah. Just found out my mom’s going into the hospital with an erratic heartbeat that they need to stabilize, so she can’t make it here next week.
So between that and this game, Thursday sucks.
Jeez. Hope she’s okay.
Much appreciated. She evidently had a mini-stroke earlier this week, so they’ve been looking into it & found the heartbeat problem.
My mom has/had the same thing. Usually the drugs help the heart get back, or it corrects itself. Sorry to hear, hope she gets better.
Thanks! She normally has very good health, so with any luck this is a correctable anomaly.
Boo 🙁
Luckily erratic usually isn’t that bad, but still a downer.
Sounds like it’s correctable, so that’s good. Mainly concerned since she’s 90, but her family is exceptionally long-lived, so I’m still hoping for the best.
Fuck. That’s all I can say.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdp11xqyi71qbc3qpo1_500.gif
“75 mph in a school zone and they didn’t give you a ticket? Honey, how on earth did you pull that off?”
http://l2.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/ZBlNyuWTI3w3KtfU7.ysbA–/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3NfbGVnbztmaT1maWxsO2g9Mzc3O2lsPXBsYW5lO3B4b2ZmPTUwO3B5b2ZmPTA7cT03NTt3PTY3MA–/http://l.yimg.com/os/388/2012/08/06/149844909-jpg_123018.jpg
BUT IT WASN’T A VICTORY BECAUSE THE REFS ARE DUMBER THAN A FIELD OF FUCKING TOADSTOOLS!
I’m just going to watch the Blacklist to see James Spader play America’s Favorite Psychopath.
Tracy Wolfson had so many veins popping out of the side of her neck and face I thought I had accidentally switched the t.v. over to David Cronenberg’s ‘Scanners’.
http://i.imgur.com/jYEPsJR.jpg
I’m looking at this game and all I can think of is earwax and a sickeningly sweet shooter ordered by drunken sorority sluts.
“I’ll have one Aural Sex on the Beach please”
A round of birthday cake vodkas.
When everyone showed up at the bar for the rehersal dinner for my sister’s wedding, my Father’s current wife, #4, ordered tequila shooters for she and my Dad. When the bartender who had thirty people suddenly show up didn’t deal with them as she saw fit, she made him redo the drink order.
Everyone else was drinking beer, wine, or grownup mixed drinks.
http://totalbeverage.net/wp-content/uploads/Pinnacle-Cinnabon.jpg
Well Karate Kid is on, but I can’t really enjoy it because much like staring in the sun or into a light bulb, the Jaguars jersey is burned into my retinas.
Test
2
https://youtu.be/y8Kyi0WNg40
I give up. Fuck Youtube.
DUHN DUHN DUUUUUUUHN!
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1142718/dramatic-rodent-o.gif
jerk
sup?
nothin just mad at youtube
And yes, fuck Youtube.
The Pool at Everbank Field: Now with more hepatitis!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/a9d291899122afb0322e6c1ab38c13b6/tumblr_n9lgewy1Bm1syvjuco1_400.jpg