There are only so many corpses to roll out from the NFC East, so some must be saved for Sunday. Thusly, you will be treated to…
Bears @ Packers (8:30, NBC)
Though this may have “third shitshow of the day when one is already sleepy from teh turkey” written all over it at first glance…I wouldn’t be quite so hasty. The Packers have been poop for quite some time, at least on offense. I mean, I am quite likely to start Josh McCown over Aaron Rodgers this week. Yes, a good part of that is me being a fucking lunatic, but still. Plus, Catler’s zen presence has elevated all around him since returning from injury. The Bears qualify as perfectly average right now. Prepare to mute thine teevee boxes early and often, as this is a Favre Slurping Special tonight. Even if it’s physically impossible to deep throat ol’ #4″…Cris and Li’l Bobby Costas are sure gonna try their best regardless.
Was with family watching the earlier “game” so I couldn’t join in your reindeer games, but I’ll sum up my emotions thusly:
I FUCKING HATE FUCKING FOOTFUCKINGBALL WITH THE FUCKING HEAT OF A FUCKING THOUSAND FUCKING BURNING FUCKING SUNS AND MANY OF THE FUCKING OTHER FUCKING MEDIUM FUCKING SIZED FUCKING SUNS IN OUR FUCKING MILKY FUCKING WAY AND OTHER FUCKING GALAXIES OF A FUCKING SIMILAR FUCKING DIMENSION!!!!!!111
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/10281743.jpg
Actually… those would be stars, not suns, in other galaxies. Forgive my celestial indiscretion.
We love you too 😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oabcM9SOF-E
Cuz my Iggles really ripped it up, I fell in love with the game all over agin
That was many things, Al, but a simple drop it was not. That was doctorate-level pass dropping.
“He was indestructible. Until Corey Wooton of the Bears ended his career by smacking his head into the frozen turf in Minnesota. But other than that, indestructible.”
Which of these commercial break Favre-jobs is gonna mention his painkiller addiction?
A colleague of mine is Wisconsin born and bred, and teaches there now, and he has such unmitigated hatred for Farve and how he got away with shit in Green Bay, and never got held accountable for his pill problem.
I’ve had a lot to drink. I’m still watching this game and processing what happens. I know the outcome of the previous game, so it seems appropriate that I say, HAHAHAHA FUCK THE COWBOYS THEY SUCK AND WILL SUCK FOREVER!!!
“America’s Team is in shambles. Our plans have come to fruition.”
–ISIS
I would like to play some reindeer games with Lily. Or even some regular ones, I’m not picky.
Mariani did a great job of finding three Packers and running right into them.
such grit and determination
You wouldn’t think the weather would be an excuse for professional athletes, and normally it’s not, but it turns out tonight it’s raining suck.
It’s Wisconsin; they’re hoping the rain turns to gravy.
I just hope for Rodgers’ sake it doesn’t start raining men.
It’s November, so Aaron Rodgers has TWO beards.
back at my parents house after dinner at my aunt’s. I’ll need all of the booze to survive halftime
“I passed a liquor store, SO I DRANK IT.”
Cutler avoids the pass rush like it’s a doctor with a flu shot.
Look at this upper-middle class black family, who shops at Wal-Mart!
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure
Next personal thing to look forward to. [*Redacted] s @ Bears, 2nd row, Endzone. Thinking….”JAY GRUDEN MIGHT BE FAT, BUT AT LEAST HE’S VACCINATED” should be my sign.
Attach your sign to a crutch, and write on the sign: “Jay Cutler’s kids gave me polio”
If that’s a standard, hollow metal crutch, I can run liquor tubes through that.
They make belts up here out of hose with a spigot as a buckle.
HERD IMMUNITY IS CURRENTLY PROTECTING ME, WHAT’S GONNA SAVE YOUR KIDS, CUTLER?!
Second frame?! We got nine more of these fuckers to sit through?
Seriously, Hoculi called holding on Chicago, number 34. Next series, he’s gonna call Green Bay, number 4, for illegal penetration.
He really is a shit ref. Like that dude Lou Solverson aptly called out for being a shit cop on Monday.
Every time someone mentions the turkey legs I remember I couldn’t get the legs off my duck earlier, I have never carved up poultry before in my life before today
Holy shit, Hochuli just called Walter Payton for holding on that punt return.
“Fuck him and his man of the year award, he fucking held.”
KUHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNN
Wouldn’t it be awesome if when NFL guys were jawing in each other’s faces like that, they were saying, “I REALLY LIKE THE SMELL OF YOUR HAIR! WHAT CONDITIONER DO YOU USE?”
YOUR SKIN IS SO SOFT!
DO YOU WAX YOUR EYEBROWS? THEY LOOK SO PERFECTLY SCULPTED!
I SIMPLY MUST GET THE NAME OF YOUR MANICURIST!
YOUR BREATH SMELLS SO MINTY FRESH
I HEARD YOU HAVE A GREAT QUICHE RECIPE
I miss the days of hard-nosed players like Troy Polamalu. 🙁
Packers on Ice?
It must mean something that I feel so ambivalent about both of these teams that I won’t find any amount of idiocy all that satisfying.
Dear NBC,
I’ve consulted with my lawyer and have been informed that you showing the train wreck that is Vince Wilfork eating a turkey leg is indeed a litigious situation.
I will never get that image out of my head and fuck you very much.
blackroseMD1
I just made an awesome humorous noise. HAHA.
AL MICHAELS: richard sherman really enjoyed his turkey leg, remember that
[years earlier…]
RICHARD SHERMAN: YOU TRY ME WITH THIS SORRY ASS DRUMSTICK
Chicago’s offense needs that opioid shit drug, so it can get things moving.
The Chicago offensive line is just the opposite of opioids–they can’t block for shit.
Cutler has the “don’t caaaaaaaaarrrrreeeeee” turned up to 11 tonight.
Do they have a second cat they could turn to?
Thompson bumps into another Bear player, makes a “brilliant play.”
Yes, it was brilliant of him to fuck up the kick reception.
WELL DONE RULE BOOK
“My heroin addiction is slowing my intestines to a crawl”
“I’m really struggling to find relief, which is why I take twice the oxycontin my doctor prescribed”
Yeah, if you have a doctor that gives you that many pills, you don;t get to bitch, lady.
Reference : The toilet scene from Trainspotting.
Shit, on replay it looked like he blew it. Why can’t the NFL afford to put a fucking camera on the fucking goal line. It’s not like they ever need one there five times a fucking game.
What happened to the pylon cam?
The thing to do would be to put a smartmesh on the ball, and when any point of the ball broke the plane, trigger an alert.
Like an air siren? That would be awesome.
That could backfire, as you need to make the programming intelligent enough to understand rapid changes in offense/defense, or else you would end up with alerts every time some team gets stuck on their one yard line.
bit early for “jump around” tbh
What part of the ball needs to cross the line?
Just the tip.
Let’s go now to our sideline reporter, who’s talking to Brett Favre about another time a tip crossed the line.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nZ_EZTmFxM
+1 Tiffany Aching and Horace
I want to see this discount double check idiot get smeared across the pavement like minivan mom from the start of Zombieland.
I own this game as an import for Dreamcast. I am watching this football game, but a) yes, that is clearly a TD and if it is ruled otherwise I will burn somthing and 2) Based on my lack of spelling and consistency in bullet pints (I meant points, but I do want some more pints) I’m either Peter King or DOOOOn’T CARREe.
http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/221/1359744-roommania1.jpg
Oh please oh please oh please oh please let Lacy have tossed the ball before it crossed the goal line.
I love the idea of being able to call someone, anyone, “Fat DeSean.”
Nobody should go through life fat and stupid, son.
Just drunk?
YES. An edit was necessary.
Fuck. Lacy can thank Hochuli for that TD, because that illegal contact was such BS.
On replay, he can thank one play Shea, too.
The first two games were very well-officiated, so naturally all the ticky-tack shit is front and center in this one.
God, Eddie Lacy looks like I feel.
You feel like you have dreads?
OBESEDOWN
I’m for anything that pisses off Tracy Porter.
FRAGS FOR THE FRAG GOD
Thing I’ve learned from Carolina. WRs are underrated, unless you are Eli Manning. Have a D, have a QB, WIN IT ALL. Or cheat like your life depends on it. Either one.
I don’t even remember the punt. Perhaps a turkey/apple pie/vicuprofen combo blackout. Perhaps booze would help?
Packers totally dominating Bears…… not a prison story.
So Mike & Mike were talking about how Bart Starr had a stroke and can’t remember anything from his football career except that he played QB for Green Bay, and how he’s been extensively coached by his family how to wave to the crowd. They talked about how this is everyone “saying goodbye” to him.
Pretty fucking depressing, not inspiring, if you ask me. Hopefully the turkey, booze, and depression will take its toll on Green Bay and the Bears can actually move the ball in the second half.
“Chicago gets backed up and can’t move.”
So, sort of like Wisconsinites after Thanksgiving dinner.
Fucking cheese, man.
The one time I’ve been in Minnesota I saw this live. It was me and some guy from Texas dancing. Ya’ll Minneapoli don’t know how to run around like idiots. A real lack, IMO.
Jay Cutler has blessed America with another Plague Baby!
Come on, get down with his sickness.
Ooh-ah-ah-ah!
He’s like a kid out there. Look at him, sewing expensive carpets with his tiny hands for pennies per hour.
That’s the hardest I’ve laughed all day. I am a really, really awful person.
It’s OK…you’re among other awful, awful people here.
I like to call it “home.”