Oak @ Ten: After 7 weeks the Raiders were 4-3, had a dynamic, explosive offense and were forcing folks to modify their hot takes with respect to the team. Three consecutive losses have since occurred and the O has dried up somewhat. They should get back on the right path versus the Titans just like 8 other teams have. If the Titans lose again they can blame it on the rain. Apparently it’s coming down hard and will continue to do so thru gametime. Some Titan fan sites have already called it a year and have focused their attentions on the coaching search. The general consensus is that Hue Jackson will be piling up the losses next year.
Buf @ KC: Tyrod is 3-1 on the road and if he is able to pull off the voodoo that he do in KC the Bills playoff chances rise from 36% to 65%. Of the Bills D-line only Hughes is completely healthy and ready to go today. Has HC Reid figurated things out? The Chiefs remind me of St. Joan of Arc-they’re on fire. They’ve won 4 in a row by a combined 91 points. QB Spaghetti Arm hasn’t thrown a pick in 7 games and the team has no TO’s at all in the last 4. Add in 12 takeaways during the same time and you’ve got a victory stew going.
TB @ Ind: Here’s another matchup of 5-5 teams but they appear to be ships passing in the night that aren’t having sex with each other but are headed in different directions. Tampa is 3-2 with one of the losses being a 1 pointer to the Slurs. QB Winston has gone bananas since wk 6-his QBR trails only Brees and Palmer in that time period. The Bucs have forced a TO in 17 straight tilts and the Colts have an NFL-leading 22 of them things. Old man Gore looks to become the Colts first 1,000 yarder since Addai did it way back in 2007. That’s quite a long time to go without an effective run game. (not that I’m saying that these Colts have an effective run game, mind you)
NYG @ Was: This heavyweight tussle puts all the other games this week to shame. It’s the highlight of the 1pm slate. Why? Because you won’t stop masturbating no matter how much I implore, that’s why. The Giants need this game to create a two game buffer between themselves and the Slurs which would then mean that the latter would almost have to win out to win the division. This is not unrealistic ’cause they’ve got the Boys twice and the “Let’s give up on the Season” Iggles. RB Morris and his 404 rush yards looks down condescendingly at Giants RB Jennings and his paltry 403 yards. Giants fans the world over yell in unison, “Give the ball to Darkwa, you old fart!”.
NO @ Hou: The Saints are 4-6 but they feel like a 2-8 disaster. Now that Rob Ryan is coked up full time the Saints D will turn around, right? New DC Allen had a whole two weeks to fix a fundamentally flawed unit that no doubt will have no answer to the question, “DeAndre Hopkins?”. The Texans have cobbled together 4 wins in their last 5 outings and will end up the winners of the AFC South because the universe is meaningless.
Min @ Atl: Minny is another team that has pulled out 4 of the last 5. GB’s loss on Thursday allows them to gain a game in the fairly tight NFC North. First things first though-can CB Xavier Rhodes handle the force of nature that is WR Jones? RB Freeman can’t go so Coleman will man the backfield. Early in the season it looked as though he was going to surpass Freeman but then got injured and Freeman went nuts. He’s a speedy back that will look to break a long one.
StL @ Cin: QB Keenum opted to be concussed rather than be a part of the on-going disaster that is the Rams O (Gurley being the exception). QB Foles, who the Rams have completely given up on, is back to provide baffling decision-making, timely interceptions and barely discernable leadership. WR Bailey is doubtful. Meanwhile, Cincy’s O just keeps rolling along. Their only two losses were by a combined 7 points. WR Green has a chance to go over 1,000 yds. for the fifth straight time since entering the league. The record belongs to Moss at 6. DE’s Dunlap and Atkins have made plans to have an extended light lunch in the Rams backfield today. They’ve invited other team mates to drop in and say “hello” as well.
SD @ Jax: You could sum up the entire Chargers season using only 2 letters. It would go something like this-W, L, L, W, L, L, L, L, L, L. Remember Jimmy Smith? Back in ’05 he was the last Jax WR to grab 1,000 yds. Ten years later Robinson is poised to do the same. What’s more, Hurns looks to join him in a few weeks time. I never thought that Bortles would be this kind of enabler.
Mia @ NYJ: Revis is out with a head oucher so the Fins QB should have an easy time of it. NOT SO FAST. This is Lauren Tannehill’s husband you’re talking about. Actually OC Lazor loves abandoning RB’s Miller and Ajayi at the drop of a helmet and putting the teams fortunes in the hands of a mediocre QB and a drop-friendly WR corps. That’s quality thinkering. Just a few weeks ago the Jets were a stalwart club that ran the ball down your throat until you gagged, gave you more D than you could possibly handle and left its fans wanting more. Now they’re yet another team that has lost 4 of the last 5-two of which were to sub .500 squads. Something always goes wrong for the Jets-it just took a bit longer this year.
So let’s say Pey-pey calls it a career. He then takes the job as head coach of Tenn (just spit balling). Even without him doing fuck all…he has the best walk ons in the history of Tenn right? I mean…I don’t even think he needs to visit kids to get them to sign.
He just calls and sings, “Play for me at Tennessee.”
He’s way to ambitious for that.
Blue Dog Democraticitude is his post-fitbaw calling.
I agree that if he took that job he would have a massive impact on all recruiting.
TamPAT derp
Moral of this commercial : only dumb people buy pizza hut
May as well just say “only dumb people buy x, where x = subject of commercial.
Dumb or blind drunk and starving.
I still do think stuffed crust is a brilliant idea if it wasn’t in a Pizza Hut pizza.
I should be more specific. Dumb as in, can’t understand even the simplest of fractions.
That was nice of the colts to help push him into the endzone.
I hate the goddamn Giants!*
*the veracity of this comment is subject to what they accomplish/don’t accomplish on their next offensive series
Ah, the Bengals.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/54de19e5184a8f1d05129b578eba6a19/tumblr_njq44nlaLI1qbcq3wo1_400.gif
Welp, Sammy Watkins is whipping my ass today.
I’m on fourth glass and inches. Should I go for it?
Joe Gibbs wouldn’t. SO YES
Always go for it.
You will at some point
You sort of have to, don’t you? You’re too far into enemy territory to make punting worthwhile, but not close enough for a field goal try. Go for it.
This week in “What is a catch in the NFL”…
Garcon? More wine please.
WHO YOU CALLIN’ BOY?!?!?!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Bk56rRDhg-E/TbczuYoVNVI/AAAAAAAA_J4/1Igx4uzURhg/s1600/pulp%2B1.jpg
I do not like the Chefs and am enjoying seeing their gravy-laden hopes quashed by Rexy
MOAR WATKINSDOWN!
Look at Matt Jones holding on to the football!
See? My earlier enjoyment of the Skins downing a punt was totes justified! Cause it seems the Giants can’t! I’m going to savor this small victory before the second half begins and the 10 point lead melts like an ice swan exposed to a pit of lava that goes to the center of the earth.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/0e40c053acbb34e26724e8141419562d/tumblr_mszi74ImIw1ric2iqo6_500.jpg
Stop trying to make Dougernaut happen, Scott.
Claymation Lily deprives us all of real Lily.
I am in total disagreement with the AT&T marketing department over this ridiculous development.
You have to avoid oversaturation of the character. I’ll allow this one for a week or two, then I would like Lily to sing Alison Brie’s Christmas song from Community.
“BOOP BOOP BEE DOO, SEX!”
http://38.media.tumblr.com/e11f0cfbad4240dc5de7f05db83f2acd/tumblr_inline_no01xhccdU1ttvk3d_500.gif
God willing they’ll make up for it with “Drunk New Years Eve Office Party Lily”
Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Agreed.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/640ed05d6641b10f0272b2f7a15065cb/tumblr_nlfyi6eq0u1uq3x5lo1_500.jpg
I find it staggering that starting the Dalton-Eifert pairing is the best fantasy decision I’ve made.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/ad936db0dbcd75e1fbd9facf221d2ff8/tumblr_nsubk1RiOs1upmtuho1_1280.jpg
Many whales turn to a life of krill.
They lead an empty, baleenful existence.
So brine does pay?
Trent has not been healthy this year. Not cool.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/30357bb11cd1c304d566a2c9285a27bf/tumblr_nk01tdcJy61s7km96o1_400.gif
This idiot rooting for the imaginary Houston team just pisses me off.
“Here, honey, take the babby so I don’t wake her, I’ll celebrate outside.”
And promptly begins honking the horn. The follow up should be the wife stabbing him with a sharpened pacifier.
Maybe his entire house is soundproofed. Because of what he does in the basement.
I would be satisfied with that old lady neighbor of his beating him to death with her walker
It disturbs me how many commercials I want to see end with the death of the focal character.
In the real world his wife would have wired the horn up to some C4 after listening to that shit for five years.
Don’t worry Bortles, you were only 4 yards passed the line of scrimmage.
“But when Favre did it they always said he was just having fun out there!”
AP surpasses OJ Simpson. That sounds right.
Fuck his mile stones.
I’d celebrate him getting kidney stones on a regular basis, though.
THIS CHARGERS–JAGURAS GAME I CALL IT THE BIG BANG THEORY BECAUSE IT’S CURRENTLY THE WORST THING ON TV AND IT’S ON CBS
But is it beloved by cretins?
Do you have to ask?
http://www.filmindustrynetwork.biz/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/the-mask-world-cup-630×349.jpg
Too bad Bridgewater isn’t a 10 year vet, otherwise he’d have drawn a roughing the passer penalty on that last play.
Duke game boring as shit, warm up drinking complete.
Time to go fire up the chainsaw and lop off the bottoms of some Christmas Trees.
If I still have 10 fingers when done, I shall type at ya’s later.
It only takes 1 finger to type, and it only takes 7 fingers to play defense in the NFL.
Typing with one hand is easy.
Trust me on this.
Nothing finishes of a round of drinking better than a chainsaw. Make sure someone has the camera running.
Much internet infamy to be had…redneck style.
That’s not Lily’s voice.
Just the same, even Claymation Lily is hawt
Claymation Lily makes me cry.
I WANT REAL LILY
http://i-cdn.phonearena.com/images/article/63381-image/How-many-different-ways-can-you-say-Zero-new-AT-T-ad-for-the-Apple-iPhone-6-will-tell-you.jpg
http://45.media.tumblr.com/38efed1bd5c7ff3b37f6ad9f38778b7a/tumblr_nk2v53tYLW1tdhimpo1_500.gif
Bridgewater is telegraphing his throws. He’s lucky that he hasn’t thrown a pick 6 yet.
THE INJUNS DONE CUT THE WIRES!
Oh, that was well done.
DeSean Jackson will be broke three years after retirement, me willing.
Tavondown!
Why does my team have to be allergic to success?
—Every Jets, Skins, Bengals, Raiders, Texans, Dolphins, Bills, etc fan.
Because success is a well-known source of histamines?
I am not prepared for the Skins doing well against the Giants…
http://i.imgur.com/SLwNvEH.gif
I was hoping to see them lose…
–Tom Coughlin.
If you had the choice, what game would you prefer on local broadcast? I’m curious, cause I’ll be damned if I can remember what your fandom is, I just remember that you’re a DC area non-Skins fan, which is not that uncommon.
I’m from Baltimore…so an idiot Ravens fan. I do enjoy hate watching the Skins lose.
Ah, gotcha. I have no strong opinion about the Ravens. I’m actually kind of amused when they play each other and they try to talk about a regional rivalry when they aren’t even in the same conference.
I’m a dyed in the wool Skins fan, but prefer the Orioles to the Nats on the rare occasion I give a shit about baseball.
Nothing better than a leftover slab of Mrs. Nobyl’s sublime pumpkin cheesecake for breakfast. Almost worth the inevitable diabeetus.
I had banana cream pie for breakfast yesterday. I regret nothing.
Well damn. I guess I’ll be buttchugging a handle of Everclear then. (Not Really)
That’s how my Proctologist makes me prep for a colonoscopy. He requires pictures though…he claims it’s an insurance thing.
D-Jaxdown. Bastard.
Right?
JAMES TIBERIUS BOMB
You want to hear a phrase never uttered about Andrew Luck just uttered about Jameis Winston?
“Praised for learning the playbook.”
There are people out there who don’t realize how racist that is.
They’re called Americans.
They just want to make America great again
“Jamies is now raping at a 3rd-grade level.”
“Uh, that says ‘reading,’ pal.”
I have always thought that Andrew Luck could be the only white man the phrase “so well spoken” could be attributed to because it sounds like he has a hockey puck in his mouth when he talks.
Is it racist, or just acknowledging that it’s difficult to assimilate that amount of information when the meaning of the word “NO” or “STOP” is totally out of reach?
Mebbe just bcuz of prior stoopidz?
Nope.
It’s so insidious you almost can’t even hear it, but it’s there.
That’s why it’s called dogwhistle.
Tannehill and Wilkerson just paused long enough the middle of the play for someone else to say, “you gonna hit him, or what?”
THIS GEOFF SCHWARTZ I CALL HIM MY DATING DECISIONS BECAUSE HE IS QUESTIONABLE
No, Fox. I don’t need to see a fight. I want to see pictures of the city I live in.
“Interesting things happening on the field, we now take you live to stock footage of the Gateway Arch in St Louis.”
Jeff Fisher is teaching the officials the freaking rules.
This came up last week too, didn’t it? Or earlier this week? Offensive substitutions/fake offensive substitutions and not giving the defense time to match?
and I bet he gets fucked over the rest of the game as a result
North American refs with vendettas after they get shown up? I say good day to you, sir! Good. Day.
Has anyone ever watched Code Black? Is it just all the dramatic scenes from every other medical show thrown together with no rhyme or reason?
You just described every medical show ever except the first 3 seasons of Scrubs, so yes.
Three points! Insurmountable lead in DC!
Things that shouldn’t wiggle :
Knees
Fat Humps don’t care about the Texans either
Leading scorer in TB/IND is Vinatieri because neither team can do shit