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I had a bad week, but nowhere as bad as our good King Hippo who had an o-fer that put him back below the original stakes. Well, it was nice while it lasted. He also has more money than I do, as I only picked one out of three correct to drop further down. DTZM’s strategy of staying pat may pay off at the end… WhyEaglesWhy, on the other hand, was one weird MNF game away from a perfect week. He now takes a commanding lead in the plus column. Onward!
Balls of Steel
I like Cam Newton. I like the Carolina Panthers. I want them to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl. I also want to have a private island where I can swim naked in warm waters with a beautiful blonde by my side. None of these things will happen. Carolina has been struggling more and more to win games. Atlanta has completely fucked a great start and is reeling.
WhyEaglesWhy
I went 4 for 5 last week, so I shudder to think how this week will go. Still, I have some games I REALLY like this week, and I’m confident I can put some distance between myself and my esteemed colleagues.
Steelers +2.5 over BENGALS – The Steelers are taking fools to school, and I’m not convinced that the Bengals aren’t capable of Bengaling in the home stretch. Stakes: $11 to win $10.
Lions PK over RAMS – I don’t understand this line. I think it ascribes far too much importance to the manner in which the Lions lost last week. This is a team that has won four out of their last 5 and played competitively in the loss against a good team. And then there are the Rams. Stakes: $11 to win $10.
Patriots -3 over TEXANS – If the Patriots lose another game, this will be Kraft, Belichick, and Brady:
They won’t. Stakes: $33 to win $30.
DTZM
S stands for Still not picking? :-O!
King Hippo
Fuck it, being back to sucking is tones of home. Because as you well know by now, I SUCK AT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ON THIS GOD FORSAKEN PLANET.
Vikings +8.5 over CARDINALS. Classic buy low here. Arizona is not generally a blowout kind of team, and I think Minny will get their shit back together for this one. This is likely to be running back-dominated, with David Johnson hopefully getting one more than Purple Jesus. BUT ONLY ONE so I get the imaginary cover. Bet $33 to win $30.
Redskins +3 over BEARS. What can I say? I BELIEVE IN THE HEALING POWER OF DOKTOR ZYMM’s live support, love, and/or threatened rage for the Redacteds. They not only cover, but also win outright. Bet $22 to win $20.
JAGURAS pick ’em over Colts. Because I’m mad at Indy, and maybe just because I miss the Team of Destiny moniker. Maybe next year, Bort and palz. Bet $22 to win $20.
Giants -1 over DOLPHINS. So I have a reason to watch this ass rash of a primetime game. Bet $11 to win $10.
Name Balls of Steel Initial Bankroll: 200
| Pick # | Favorite | Underdog | Line | Wager | Winner? | Winnings | Bankroll Balance |
| 1 | San Diego |
Detroit | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 210.00 |
| 2 | Minnesota | San Francisco | 2.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 199.00 |
| 3 | Tennessee | Cleveland | 1 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 188.00 |
| 4 | Philadelphia | Dallas | 5.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 198.00 |
| 5 | NY Jets | Philly | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 208.00 |
| 6 | Indianapolis | Tennessee | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 218.00 |
| 7 | Oakland | Chicago | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 207.00 |
| 8 | Buffalo | Tennessee | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 217.00 |
| 9 | Kansas City | Chicago | 9 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 227.00 |
| 10 | Green Bay | St. Louis | 9 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 216.00 |
| 11 | St. Louis | Cleveland | 5.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 205.00 |
| 12 | Arizona | Baltimore | 7.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 194.00 |
| 13 | New England | Miami | 8 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 183.00 |
| 14 | Kansas City | Detroit | 5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 172.00 |
| 15 | Minnesota | Chicago | 1.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 182.00 |
| 16 | Pittsburgh | Oakland | 4 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 202.00 |
| 17 | Washington | New Orleans | PK | 11 | N | -11.00 | 191.00 |
| 18 | New England | NY Giants | 7 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 201.00 |
| 19 | Miami | Dallas | PK | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 211.00 |
| 20 | Seattle | San Francisco | 12.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 200.00 |
| 21 | New England | Buffalo | 7 | 11 | PUSH | 0 | 200.00 |
| 22 | New England | Denver | 3 | 55 | N | -55.00 | 145.00 |
| 23 | NY Jets | NY Giants | 2.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 134.00 |
| 24 | Miami | Baltimore | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 144.00 |
| 25 | Buffalo | Houston | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 133.00 |
| 26 | Carolina | Atlanta | 7.5 | 33 | -33.00 | 100.00 |
Name WhyEaglesWhy Initial Bankroll: 200
| Pick # | Favorite | Underdog | Line | Wager | Winner? | Winnings | Bankroll Balance |
| 1 | Denver | Baltimore | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 189.00 |
| 2 | Houston | Kansas City | 1 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 199.00 |
| 3 | Carolina | Houston | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 188.00 |
| 4 | NY Giants | Atlanta | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 198.00 |
| 5 | Philadelphia | Dallas | 5.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 208.00 |
| 6 | Cleveland | Oakland | 3.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 218.00 |
| 7 | Miami | Buffalo | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 228.00 |
| 8 | Oakland | Chicago | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 217.00 |
| 9 | Philadelphia | New Orleans | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 206.00 |
| 10 | Arizona | Detroit | 2.5 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 226.00 |
| 11 | Houston | Indianapolis | 1 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 236.00 |
| 12 | New England | Indianapolis | 7.5 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 214.00 |
| 13 | Philadelphia | NY Giants | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 203.00 |
| 14 | St. Louis | Cleveland | 5.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 192.00 |
| 15 | Miami | Houston | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 202.00 |
| 16 | Washington | Tampa Bay | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 191.00 |
| 17 | Kansas City | Detroit | 5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 180.00 |
| 18 | Minnesota | Chicago | 1.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 169.00 |
| 19 | New Orleans | NY Giants | 3 | 11 | Push | 0 | 169.00 |
| 20 | Pittsburgh | Cincinnati | PK | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 179.00 |
| 21 | Baltimore | San Diego | 3.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 189.00 |
| 22 | Atlanta | San Francisco | 7 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 178.00 |
| 23 | New York Giants | Tampa Bay | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 188.00 |
| 24 | San Diego | Chicago | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 198.00 |
| 25 | Oakland | Minnesota | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 208.00 |
| 26 | Seattle | Arizona | 3 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 218.00 |
| 27 | Miami | Dallas | PK | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 238.00 |
| 28 | Washington | Dallas | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 227.00 |
| 29 | Denver | San Diego | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 237.00 |
| 30 | Seattle | Minnesota | PK | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 247.00 |
| 31 | Tennessee | Jacksonville | 2.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 257.00 |
| 32 | New England | Philadelphia | 9.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 267.00 |
| 33 | Cincinnati | Pittsburgh | 2.5 | 11 | -11.00 | 256.00 | |
| 34 | St. Louis | Detroit | PK | 11 | -11.00 | 245.00 | |
| 35 | New England | Houston | 3 | 33 | -33.00 | 212.00 |
Name King Hippo Initial Bankroll: 200
| Pick # | Favorite | Underdog | Line | Wager | Winner? | Winnings | Bankroll Balance |
| 1 | Green Bay | Chicago | 7 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 178.00 |
| 2 | Cincinnati | Oakland | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 167.00 |
| 3 | New England | Buffalo | 1 | 55 | Y | 50.00 | 217.00 |
| 4 | New England | Jacksonville | 13.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 206.00 |
| 5 | Seattle | Chicago | 14.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 195.00 |
| 6 | Oakland | Chicago | 3 | 55 | N | -55.00 | 140.00 |
| 7 | Atlanta | Washington | 7 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 160.00 |
| 8 | Tampa Bay | Jacksonville | 3 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 138.00 |
| 9 | Denver | Oakland | 4.5 | 33 | N | -33.00 | 105.00 |
| 10 | New England | Indianapolis | 7.5 | 44 | N | -44.00 | 61.00 |
| 11 | Atlanta | New Orleans | 3.5 | 33 | Y | 30.00 | 91.00 |
| 12 | Seattle | Carolina | 7 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 111.00 |
| 13 | Carolina | Philadelphia | 3 | 33 | Y | 30.00 | 141.00 |
| 14 | Houston | Tennessee | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 130.00 |
| 15 | Seattle | Dallas | 6 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 140.00 |
| 16 | Atlanta | Tampa Bay | 7 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 150.00 |
| 17 | Kansas City | Detroit | 5 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 128.00 |
| 18 | Pittsburgh | Oakland | 4 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 138.00 |
| 19 | Cincinnati | Cleveland | 11.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 127.00 |
| 20 | Philadelphia | Dallas | 2.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 116.00 |
| 21 | Baltimore | Jacksonville | 5.5 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 136.00 |
| 22 | Green Bay | Detroit | 11.5 | 33 | N | -33.00 | 103.00 |
| 23 | Jacksonville | Tennessee | 3 | 33 | Y | 30.00 | 133.00 |
| 24 | Atlanta | Indianapolis | 5.5 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 153.00 |
| 25 | New England | Buffalo | 7 | 33 | PUSH | 0.00 | 153.00 |
| 26 | Dallas | Carolina | 1.5 | 153 | Y | 139.00 | 292.00 |
| 27 | Seattle | Minnesota | PK | 55 | N | -55.00 | 237.00 |
| 28 | New England | Philadelphia | 9.5 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 215.00 |
| 29 | New York Jets | NY Giants | 2.5 | 22 | N | -22.00 | 193.00 |
| 30 | Pittsburgh | Indianapolis | 7 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 182.00 |
| 31 | Arizona | Minnesota | 8.5 | 33 | -33.00 | 149.00 | |
| 32 | Chicago | Washington | 3 | 22 | -22.00 | 127.00 | |
| 33 | Indianapolis | Jacksonville | PK | 22 | -22.00 | 105.00 | |
| 34 | NY Giants | Miami | 1 | 11 | -11.00 | 94.00 |
Name Darkest Timeline Zack Morris Initial Bankroll: 200
| Pick # | Favorite | Underdog | Line | Wager | Winner? | Winnings | Bankroll Balance |
| 1 | Seattle | St. Louis | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 189.00 |
| 2 | Denver | Baltimore | 4.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 178.00 |
| 3 | Baltimore | Oakland | 5.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 167.00 |
| 4 | New Orleans | Tampa | 5.5 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 156.00 |
| 5 | Indianapolis | Jacksonville | 9 | 22 | Y | 20.00 | 176.00 |
| 6 | Oakland | Chicago | 3 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 165.00 |
| 7 | Cincinnati | Kansas City | 5.5 | 55 | N | -55 | 110.00 |
| 8 | Buffalo | NY Giants | 4.5 | 22 | Y | 20 | 130.00 |
| 9 | Kansas City | Chicago | 9 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 119.00 |
| 10 | Cincinnati | Seattle | 3 | 11 | PUSH | 0 | 119.00 |
| 11 | Seattle | Carolina | 7 | 11 | Y | 10 | 129.00 |
| 12 | Arizona | Pittsburgh | 3 | 11 | Y | 10 | 139.00 |
| 13 | Atlanta | San Francisco | 7 | 11 | N | -11.00 | 128.00 |
| 14 | Cincinnati | Cleveland | 11.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 138.00 |
| 15 | New Orleans | Washington | PK | 55 | N | -55.00 | 83.00 |
| 16 | Carolina | Tennessee | 5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 93.00 |
| 17 | Philadelphia | Tampa | 5.5 | 11 | Y | 10.00 | 103.00 |
| 18 | Chicago | Denver | 1 | 44 | Y | 40.00 | 143.00 |
| 19 |
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