Your Early Game Slate Open Thread

Eleven freaking games now and only two at the late afternoon spot? [sighs]

Buf @ Phi: The Bills have played five games this year in which they’ve not turned the ball over. Guess what their record is in those games? If you said 5-0 I’d have to ask you why you’re talking to yourself. But anyway-QB Taylor has done his part and taken great care of the ball, throwing only 4 intercepts and fumbling but once. Can you believe that he was in a QB competition with EJ Manuel? Can you believe that Coach Ryan gave the starting job to the more competent QB? The word ’round philly is that RB Murray will be 4th on the old depth chart today, behind some guy by the name of Barner (who?). He just doesn’t look good does he? The Chipper stunned the Pats and the Eagles fan base last week. The calls for his head are now at low-grumble levels.

SF @ Cle: MANZIEL! GABBERT! That’s about it for this game-moving on…

Det @ StL: Last week the Lions three game win streak was rudely interrupted by a cold, unfeeling universe. St. Louis-in the midst of a five-game skid-knows all about that. HC Fisher was generous enough to let OC Frank Cignetti (who?) take the fall for the unrelenting lousiness of QB’s Keenum and Foles. It was…time to move in another direction Fisher said, completely oblivious to his own career circling the drain.

NO @ TB: The Saints can score with the best of them but they’re getting scored on at an historic rate. CB Browner and company have given up 35..THIRTY-FIVE TD’s through the air this year. Opposing teams QBR rating is 347.6! I didn’t actually look that up but that number sure feels right. Speaking of made-up advanced statistics, the Bucs are sporting a lugubrious -2.7 BTAR (Banana Temperatures Above Replacement) which makes it crystal clear why they are 3-1 in their last 4.

Ten @ NYJ: The Jets are looking to solidify their gelatinous wild card chances against the Titans. The Titans last two wins have been high-scoring squeakers versus the Eagles and Jags. Which QB gets sacked the least in the NFL percentage-wise? If you answered “Haaaaavaaaad” you’d be lucky, right and just plain silly. Look for Fitz to be passing a bit more than usual because Tennessee gives up just over 8 yards per pass play. WR’s DECKER AND MARSHAL SHALL FEAST!

Pit @ Cin: “Gentlemen, start your Steelers…and Bengals!” We may be looking at a high-scoring affair here. Over the last 4 games each of these teams have scored 30 or more 7 out of 8 times. With a win the Steelers chances of getting a Bowl game increase to 77%. Everybody yaks about the Cincy O but the Ben better beware of DE’s Dunlap and Atkins. This duo is the only one in the league that has 8 or more sacks. As well, S Reggie Nelson leads all players with 7 intercepts.

Ind @ Jax: The Pats are given crap about the patsies in their division but what about the Colts? They’ve won 16 in a row in their division which is a record. For now they hold the tie-breaker with the surging Texans (who?) against whom they’ll play in Wk. 15. Gore should have himself a day what with LB Posluszny out and his replacement Jordan Tripp making his very first start. Bortles’ improvement means that the Jags can now compete in shootouts which comes in handy because the D gives away points like candy at Halloween.

SD @ KC: This tilt should be a foregone conclusion. In the last six games the Chiefs have the fifth-best O and the #1 D. Perhaps Rivers will go nuts but he’ll more than likely have an ugly, turnover-heavy day.

Was @ Chi: Against his better judgement RB Pierre Thomas signed with Washington recently. These are two 5-7 teams that don’t know what to do with themselves. The Slurs are winless on the road and Chicago has one lousy win at home. I’m guessing both teams wander aimlessly around the field all game long, a field goal near the end is missed, hands are shaken after the clock has run out and no one ever speaks of this again.

Atl @ Car: This was a fantastic game around wk. 5 or 6 of the season but for Atlanta the L’s have been coming fast and furious since then. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with leading the league in drives ending with a TO-16.5% of the time Ryan finds a defender with a throw or he and his cohorts fumble it away. I’m not sure if you’ve been made aware of this but the Panthers are undefeated at home! CB Norman recently said that WR Who-who-Julio “completes me”. Whaaa?

Sea @ Bal: What does ignoring new plaything TE Graham for most of the year (until he went on IR) get you? For QB Wilson, according to Pro Football Focus, the second-highest QB ranking of 98.98. Somebody has done a half-decent job for the Seahawks given the loss of Graham and Lynch and the late arrival of S Chancellor. Perhaps it’s time we gave that swaggering, gum-chewing ex-college coach a bit of credit.

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laserguru

And there’s a Christmas parade in front of my house.

Redshirt

RIP Cincinnati Bengals – Best Record in AFC (12/6/15-12/13/15)

Mother Puncher

Does Rex understand the concept of discipline?

Bortleback

He thinks it’s when Richie Incognito takes a dump in the locker of a rookie who is being a bitch

laserguru

My previous vaping system unit shit the bed and I had to get a replacement unit.
It’s a cool technology but motherfucker cost me 63 bucks just for the base unit.
It looks all space-agey and shit.
Now instead of it looking like sucking a robot dick it looks more like giving a robot a handy.

http://www.wismec.com/images/product/Presa_09.jpg

Recovery Whiskey

You kids and your vape machines. Whatever happened to smoking ?

Gratliff

Eagles and Skins both control their own fates. They play eachother one more time.

John Difool

That’s like Michael Moore and Andy Reid being able to control their own bowel movements

John Difool

THAT ROBBIE GOULD FIELD GOAL ATTEMPT, I CALL IT CAPRICORN ONE ‘CAUSE THAT’S WHAT RUINED ANOTHER GOULD’S CAREER

So is Robbie Gould getting bludgeoned to death with sausage links?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

The Bills are terrible at tackling.

entropy

Could’ve stopped after four words.

JustStopDude
entropy

The Jets have a 3-game win streak. This is a true sentence I am typing in December, 2015.

Redshirt
Moonbatting Average

I predict a New School Zero sighting

King Hippo

OSZ and Boltman killing spree in 5, 4, 3….

Recovery Whiskey

Robbie Fools Gould misses another

King Hippo

YAY FOAR Dok and my imaginary bankroll!

Gratliff

Fucktard Bears disappoint as always

ThursdaySkyGoddess

GOULDFAIL

fleshwound_NPG

rip robbie gould

Moonbatting Average

THE CHARGERS WILL NOT BE OUT FUCKUPED

ThursdaySkyGoddess

God this Chargers game is never going to end.

King Hippo

Laserface is gonna kill EVERYBODY

laserguru

It’s high time I get to the day drinking.

Howdy folks.

JustStopDude
Moonbatting Average

Somewhere, Otto is madturbating and yelling at the TV at the same time

Spur

Movies to see list hateful eight , the revenant, the big short, and Star Wars

Sharkbait

Also Spectre because I havent seen that yet.

laserguru

You might want to consider “Spotlight”. It was excellent.

Gratliff

Amazing, tremendous Chargers derp

King Hippo

Laserface is an asshole, but he has my grudging respect

Redshirt

Does the Steelers find it part of their job to f*** the Bengals fans over or just one of the perks?

Saint Taint

A little from column A, a little from column B.

Gratliff

Chefs fuckin’ up

Spanky Datass

They were already dead to me for not covering.

fleshwound_NPG

CATLERCANNON

Sharkbait

Is it wrong of me to root for the [*Redacted] s, Eagles, and Giants to lose, and the Cowboys to win just to see that division all at 5-8?

John Difool

No

ThePirateSloth

I’m pretty sure that’s a DFO Christmas Wish.

entropy

I placed bets on it.

JustStopDude

I kind of want the skins to make it to the playoffs, just because it ensures that Snyder never changes…

Redshirt

What snack goes best with antifreeze?

entropy

I find it mixes well with any kind of Eukanuba.

laserguru

Wasabi cashews.

It has a nice yin/yang effect.

Do the Bills need yellow fabric to build a quilt?

Redshirt

Nicely done, Burfict.

American Pie Story

Is anyone actually going to see that Concussion movie?

Mother Puncher

They plan on making all their revenue on DVD sales to hungover P.E. teachers.

entropy

People saw the Steve jobs movies. So, yeah, someone will, most likely. Probably some kind of psuedo-intellectuals who hate football anyway, and just want their prejudices confirmed.

John Difool
ThePirateSloth

I love how each set of announcers tries to bounce around calling the NFC East a shitty division.

How did the [*Redacted] s not clusterfuck that up, that was a classic clusterfucked opportunity.

fleshwound_NPG

oh bears

Spur

That’s game in Cincy. Fuck the Steelers!

WCS

<3

Sharkbait

All of the ceptions in Cincy

bourb0nblues

That Slurs playcall was… a … thing.

WCS

PPPPPAAAAAAWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL

Redshirt

Bad call by the refs? Inconceivable!

Moonbatting Average

I started the wrong Tyler, dammit

American Pie Story

Return of Clipboard Jesus!

bourb0nblues

HE IS RISEN

entropy

Has it been three days already?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
fleshwound_NPG

Clipboard Jesus Manbun time again!