Your Week 15 Early Slate Open Thread

Chi @ Min: Cutler really likes WR Jeffrey-the latter is targeted 35% of the time on pass plays. The problem today is that Alshon is listed as questionable. Sooo….go Cam Meredith! (who?) SOMEBODY has to help Cutler break his tie with Pheel Simms on the all-time TD list. Eight of the last ten Bears games have been decided by 4 points or fewer. All respect to Minny defenders Barr, Smith and Joseph-when they aren’t on the field the Vikes give up 2 more yards per play. The first two are out today and Joseph looks like a game-timer.

Atl @ Jax: The Falcons are 6-7 but at this point are much lousier than that. Their last win was a 10-7 squeak job versus the Titans. That and a 38-0 humbling by the Panthers last week tells you exactly where they are as a team. I admit I’ve got a soft spot for the pleasantly surprising Jags. The last two years they’ve averaged just 15 points per game-over their last nine they’re scoring 29 and change. Peak Bortles-mania may be a little ways away at this point but if Jax can focus on the D in the draft next spring Florida may finally have something to be proud of in the future.

Hou @ Ind: How does a surging Texans team spell “bourble”? T-J Y-A-T-E-S and his sub 50% completion rate spell bourble. This battle of 6 and 7’s will go quite some way in determining the “winner” of the AFC South but you knew that. I say put QB Whitehurst in there for the Colts in order to level the playing field. Although if Watts and Clowney have their way it may happen at some point regardless.

Car @ NYG: Them Panters are only favoured by a measley 4 points. Why? Perhaps it’s because the Giants love playing undefeated teams after wk. 10 of the season. They are 4-0 in those games. CB Norman and WR Beckham will see each other this game but it won’t quite be a ‘showdown’. You see, Norman tends to stick to the outside while Beckham plays about 20% of the time in the slot. I’m thinking that that percentage will increase as the Giants will try to create scoring opportunities for their star WR.

Ten @ NE: The Lamb Lies Down On Gillette Stadium.

Buf @ Was: The Slurs have allowed the most long TD’s (20 or more yards in the air) and Tyrod has thrown the most in the league this year. If Rex can do the old “2+2=4” then you may want to pull WR Watkins out of your holster if you’re in some fantasy playoff thingy. It’s Pride Day in Buffalo because that’s all they’re playing for. But Washington is playing for something far more important-the honour of being pitilessly stomped into the dirt by whatever wildcard team plays them should they make the post-season.

KC @ Bal: Looks as though the Chiefs will have to do without manbeast Justin Houston for the rest of the regular season. Dee Ford (who?) picked up the slack last week however when he recorded three sacks. With the Jets having won last night pressure is on KC to do the same. This is not an impossible task against a clearly discouraged Ravens squad.

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Sharkbait

Eli doing his best Sex Cannon impression

John Difool

Nobody’s buying it, especially not the cheerleaders……. and not even his stuffed animals he actually has relations with.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The thing I like about the Chiefs punter is that there’s no quit in him.

Horatio Cornblower

I just grilled some salmon. The cat has followed me inside and is sitting next to the computer occasionally lunging for the plate.

It’s more offense than Buffalo has showed so far.

King Hippo

I ate all of the tuna steak I made for lunch, and my cat is really pissed off about it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No wonder Cutler is playing so badly today – he’s distracted.

Horatio Cornblower

The Giants’ decision to cover themselves in butter, in hindsight, does not seem to have been the correct one.

Senor Weaselo

Mmm, club o’ butter.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Andy Reid thanks you for reminding him to renew his butter club membership.

John Difool

Much better than Eli’s idea of covering themselves in green slime like on You Can’t Do That on Television.

Sharkbait

So the Giants are playing like they want the season to be done.

blaxabbath

Regarding the TNF commercial for Raiders/Chargers: A singer/actress is seriously who they expect me to believe is a “my Raiders” fan?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Her brother plays for the Raiders.

King Hippo

And has a sexy gif moment cheering him on!

King Hippo

Well, she IS ethnic ,, no ofence

American Pie Story

Texans double derp!

Senor Weaselo

All right Dodge, I do appreciate that your Star Wars plug has a black Viper as Darth Vader, but I’m pretty sure you guys didn’t get the TIE Fighter contract.

Shogun Marcus

I dunno…a Dart is about as reliable.

Gratliff

Shady. 🙁

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DIGGSDOWN II: Diggedy!

American Pie Story

Mobile broke on me, back for the second half.

Unlike TJ Yates

John Difool

Lesean McCoy…. Goodnight Sweet Prince

John Difool

Moose Johnston obviously got his suit from Pimps-R-Us

Spanky Datass

Feels kinda dirty replying to myself … twice.

ssi_bulldawg

The Jags/Dirty Bird’s announcers thought the clock was malfunctioning because it was moving too slow….while watching a slow mo replay. I shit you not!

Bortleback

I saw it too. Good thing their job mostly consists of saying what they see.

Senor Weaselo

So it’s the A+ announcing team?

ssi_bulldawg

Even my wife, who is only half watching the game, was like ‘is he about to call into question how slow the runner is running? Jesus, these guys are dipshits.’ Yes, sweetheart, yes they are.

Spanky Datass

Are these the local TV drunks or the network alcoholics?

ssi_bulldawg

Even my wife, who is only half watching the game, was like ‘is he about to call into question how slow the runner is running? Jesus, these guys are dipshits.’ Yes, sweetheart, yes they are.

Sharkbait

Us or the games?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What ever you want it to be yelled at.

Bortleback

Call me Ishmael, dummy

Senor Weaselo
ThursdaySkyGoddess

BORTLESCEPTION!!!

John Difool

Ran out of Brandy, which is a minor tragedy since I have a semi-fine cigar to smoke and I can simply not do that with beer. Called the wife and asked her if she would be so kind to pick up a bottle for me while she was out blowing my latest paycheck X-Mas shopping. Her reply: “On a Sunday? ON A FUCKING SUNDAY? Seriously?”
God I love that woman.

John Difool

I live in Virginia.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Colorado just recently changed the law.

blaxabbath

AZ allows it but it’s gotta be like after 10a or something stupid.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

FUNCHESSDOWN!!!!!

Shogun Marcus

Bunchess of funchess?

Gratliff

And so ends the Giants season

Spanky Datass

ROOKIEDOWN!

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

NO FUCKING WAY! Go Ravens?

Redshirt

Holy crap, Ravens!

hippofant

Is Jimmy Clausen elite now?

...

So, my Mike Rowe hate has been simmering all week. It’s so bad, I’ve decided to hate read his Facebook page.

When someone called him out that Bernie Sanders really didn’t imply people with college degrees are criminals, he responded with a long-ass response that started with “is it really up to me to figure out what Bernie believes?”

Yes, you haughty corporate whore. If you’re going to criticize someone you need to know what he meant. You’re more than willing to chastise people who make assumptions about what you believe, but seem to think you don’t need to understand anyone else yourself.

Goddamn it, I hate this man.

Recovery Whiskey

“is it really his job to figure out what Bernie believes?”

Are you saying it would be a … dirty job?

hippofant

AMERICANS DON’T LEARN ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S BELIEFS BEFORE WE PUBLICLY MAKE STATEMENTS ABOUT THEM!

AMURRRICA!

Sharkbait

A muppet like bear?

John Difool

An excellent blues name…. if he played the blues.

Shogun Marcus

A Muppet with bad googly-eyes that thinks it’s a ninja?

IronAvenger6491

Ah yes, 3rd and 1, so lets throw it.

Spanky Datass

Southern Tier Creme Brulee’ is very good but also VERY sweet.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Dessert beer for sure.

Spanky Datass

Yes, I’ve begun wondering why the hell I opened it this time of day.

Shogun Marcus

Of course Bleergh is denied in Foxboro.

Redshirt

I see Kraft and Goodell made up

Shogun Marcus

Kraft and blandino definitely have. Blandino gets all the owners swag.

IronAvenger6491

Only down by a touchdown with a whole half to play, i see the Giants game is over.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also true for when the Giants have a slim lead and control the clock with little time left in the game.

Redshirt

My God the Ravens are bad this year. I had no idea how bad until I sat down and watched them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every week I feel less jubilant that the Raiders barely beat them.

Gratliff

So Rex Ryan just gave up last week

John Difool

He may have given up toe-sucking but he’ll never let go of all sucking.

John Difool

Holy Fuck, Morris

hippofant

THE WEEDENING 2016 TWO, THE REWEEDENING

Sharkbait

DOOPY PANTZ SIGHTING

Sharkbait

Yates might be dead. Who is backup in Houston?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DOOPYPANTS

tundrajim

I hear Vince Young is available.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Warren Moon

Spanky Datass

OLSONDOWN!

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John Difool

THIS BILLS/[*Redacted] S GAME I CALL IT STAR TREK III:THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK, ‘CAUSE IT FEATURES A KIRK AND A MCCOY AND IT’S PRETTY GODAMMNED SHITTY

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

My oh my.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

OLSENDOWN!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Bills fourth down fail!

Sill Bimmons

UP THE MIDDLE FOR NO GAIN

Shogun Marcus

RIP Fozz.

…too soon?

tundrajim

It’s adorable that Eli thinks if he grows a beard, it’ll help with his perpetual 8 year old looking face; you have to be at least 14 to do that.

Redshirt

What should I choose: Star Wars or Bengals game (thank you flex scheduling)?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Automotive humor has run out of gas.

Shogun Marcus

I alternate. Sometimes it’s a starter.

Spanky Datass

Grease zerks full of dirt; easy fix. Still gonna charge $225.00.

Sill Bimmons

They really should bring back the IROC.

The race, not the car.

http://americancarsamericangirls.com/show/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/89-iroc-nazareth-1.jpg

John Difool

Yep, it was fun watching NASCAR racers taking on dirty foreigners.

Sill Bimmons

In American racers with WAY more in common with stock cars than open-wheel racers.

Spanky Datass

Early on it was a lot of fun.