![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
Cin @ Den: What to make of Denver? They’re the first team in a few years to not score any points at all in the second half of three straight games. They’ve lost their last two, they’ve beaten San Diego (like everyone else), they beat the P*ts in OT (did NE win the toss in that one?), and they lost 17-15 to the Bears. A devout Broncs fan “says” (meaning he mumbles through tears), It’s not a slow fade, honest! Let’s math it up for a bit, shall we? If the Broncs win tonight the chances of a first-round bye rise to 72%, yet if they lose the odds of them missing the playoffs altogether increase to 23%. Isn’t football fandom fun in a severe chest-pain kind of way? But there is some good news… HERE COMES CINCY! [camera pans to a lone figure limping over the horizon, backlit by a setting sun] That illustration is, like, way metaphorical, right? QB Dalton and TE Ifart are out so the Bengals won’t be looking like a 3-loss team. My prediction is that each squad has the exact same game plan-pack the box and make the QB win it with his arm/smarts. This means the game is determined by which team has the better secondary/pass rush. Denver? Denver.
Your Very Last Monday Nighter Open Thread
Anyone else rooting for a tie?
(frantically checks playoff scenarios)
Yes.
HGH MADE HIS HEAD ENORMOUS RED AND THROBBING
Is that you, Lacey Noonan?
NO
Yesterday reminded me again why I put up with the NFL crap. The morning and afternoon games were great.
Go Cowboys! Joey Bosa! Joey Bosa!
Flerp.
The Rangers are pretty good, but the Predators are actually good.
I presume you mean Ice Giants and Ice Titans? Nomenclature please, dude.
I put the real Giants on ice on Saturday.
Agreed, the Ice Stampeders and Ice Eskimos was thoroughly entertaining last night.
Holy crap its 8:18?! I just literally zoned out for 30 minutes.
Gruden had a particularly menacing look there.
Boy, they really milk that John Lennon assassination, don’t they?
Why, just why?
Imagine…
It’s nice of them to say “young” offensive line instead of “shitty”
It’s the little things.
Sorry, Shaq, I’m going with the 6-foot opiate
What’s more useless: Mock Drafts or “What if the Season Ended Today” scenarios.
Yes.
But what would Mel Kiper do?
Casino pit boss.
I have a cold. My body can’t fight it off/kill it and the cold won’t take over. I’ve been in this standoff for a week.
I gave up on xmas eve after being real sick for a week and got absolutely blasted on red wine and then blacked out and don’t remember past 10 pm.
THAT’S GOOD SELF-MEDICATING!
/slaps Litre_Cola on the ass. Hard.
Please never dive into water you don’t know the depth of.
You may get Germanhammered.
If the playoffs started next week, the major networks would be very confused.
The Axeman’s Jazz is worth a read. I’m only 70 pages in but when you’re in a good book you know it.
Does the Axeman testify at the end? Cause the Jazzman did. Just sayin.
This has been the season of stupid.
I completely agree.
Relevant
https://youtu.be/FAI8it97MxE?t=2m3s
If the playoffs started today, I’d be really surprised.
Waitaminute… wasn’t there a picture of a fine redhead a second ago?
Yes. Scroll down.
yeah i’m not seeing it
welp, I’ve finally lost my mind
OK false alare. I’m just dumb.
For some reason, it’s waay down on the thread. I don’t know how that happened.
Dear God, this Southwest ad with the “fee hacks” is the loudest thing on television.
Someone’s got to find the exact moment when Jon Gruden was possessed by the ghost of John Madden.
These Bengals, I call them the Great and Powerful Trixie, because I think they are awesome but they might be exposed as frauds in front of everyone watching!!!
I don’t care if anyone doesn’t get the reference. That one was for me.
Also, Clipboard Jesus has been reverse resurrected. Somebody get Pie a drink and/or a gravy ladle.
Wait, the Yankees got Aroldis Chapman from the Reds for a Jugallo?
I think the Reds traded one of the best closers in the league for a partially eaten slice of New York Pizza. They were hoping for more, but they had to get what they could get.
Horatio and I are not in a bad mood. Until the domestic violence suspension comes down. Then there will be bad moods.
Good to see Penn playing well on national TV, only down 32-7 to Villanova.
Trying to imagine how little I will care if the HGH thing turns out to be true.
Hey, it’s not like we have a Lombardi that can be tainted. SILVER LINING!!!
Frank Gifford should cover this song for the last MNF of each year.
/Frank Gifford still sings the song, right?
//MNF is still good, right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-PUW6y4F6c
Uh oh. Ray wants to give some snitches some stitches.
He didn’t see nuthin.
Shut the fuck up Ray Lewis.
Ray Lewis is talking about legacies. Hoo boy!
So, now that I’m a bona fide #content maker, how do I add a banner picture? The NFL board room is mighty purrty.
I used to be able to do it, but the theme changed and I don’t know anymore. This could help me too.
All the way on the bottom right corner, (as you look at the screen), you’ll see something like “set featured image”. Click on that and then select the picture you want and put the address in, then click on the featured image thingy again.
Will it show pictures I link to in my post?
Perfect. I figured it was a dedicated featured.
Gentlemen.
They left already but we are still here.
Yeah right.
/wait a sec……
Where is Yeah Right, btw?
Rick Reilly just asked a guy if he worries about shrinkage.
Christ.
Well, at least ESPN still has that awesome NFL music. Oh wait, that was FirstCom Music.
Need the Donks to lose out.
Shit, we might not even beat Johnny Cokeball.
Amazing what one bad loss does to a fanbase’s psyche.
Shit, who do I root for while also rooting that the Derpfins somehow beat the Pats next week? The Donks have the tiebreaker, but they’re also a potential Jets-get-in-through-the-back-door-if-they-Jets-it-like-they-always-do team.
So, as a party with no financial or tribal investment in this game who enjoys chaos and schadenfreude, whom do I root for?
Peyton Manning throwing his weight around to get on the field, and then breaking in half.
Ooh, that’s a good one!
I’m rooting for AJ Mcarron and AJ Green so that my friend who knocked me out of fantasy playoffs himself loses the championship.
So, when I saw the Monday Nighter was up I instinctively poured a drink. I just now looked at the clock and thought “I’m gonna be soooo ass-bourbled by kick.”
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YjFWOiMn4e4/UkgO-ySHLGI/AAAAAAAAS9o/-NUKLvpCEfs/s1600/ku-xlarge.gif
That guy is a one pair of pyjamas away from being the best commenter on this site.
I asked Mrs. Cola to pick an NFL team this year in week 2. She is a rugby freak and her family are huge CFL fans, due her penchant for the BC Lions, she chose the Bengals. Yep, every time they are ob she says picking football teams is easy and that my Iggles are pathetic. She has a point with that one. Her last name is Hill and I felt obliged to buy a knock off Hill jersey now she wears it every Sunday, and now Monday. Kill me.
I have a feeling she’s not gonna enjoy watching AJ McCarron go against Von Miller.
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/social_assets/nfl/Week_2/Broncos_Falcons/VonMiller_sackDance.gif
Good to see Vontaze Me Bro has lost the baby weight and is fitting nicely back into her storm trooper costume.
And you will never convince me that VMB does not for reals own an orange storm trooper costume.
Today I Learned: Brock Osweiler has a tattoo that reads “Live Life to It’s Fullest” [sic]
http://www.cbssports.com/images/collegefootball/osweilertatoverlay.jpg
Talk about HGH…
(hackneyed grammatical habit)
/sees self out
Can’t believe it’s already the last NFL game of the year.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUCLNPOjPZw
My Spotify Discover Weekly is KILLING it today. I normally turn my nose up at these type of algorithms, but it’s really delivering.
Such as?
Heartless Bastards, Gang of Four, Stephen Maklmus, the dB’s, The Flaming Lips, Neko Case, The Damned, Superchunk, Talking Heads, Hold Steady, Concrete Blonde, Archers of Loaf…
Captain Beefheard, Joe Strummer, Syd Barrett, Nico, Slowdive, fIREHOSE, The Smiths, At the Drive-In…
Somebody alert VMB because we gonna get somebody PREGNANT up in this thread tonight*.
*Spoiler alert: it’s one of make it snow’s adult grandchildren.
I was gonna say, there aren’t many uterii around these here parts…
This seems appropriate for DFO. Happy Holidays!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lud3bgEJeTg
It sure damn is.
Or this.
hey guys
sup
snow melted a little here today
yo
it was 67 here yesterday
Hello sir.
Well I am in a fucking pickle to say the least. I am still coming to terms with the fact that I threw out my back utterly when I was screwing my ex the other night. This morning I had to crawl to the bathroom and I just pissed in the show vice trying to stand up.
Tomorrow I am suppose to drive back to my wonderful apartment without the insanity of my family…so I got THAT going for me.
I just need to make it through the night…
Ex calls me up…wants me to come over again. I politely remind her that she broke me in two and I can barely function…the she devil sends me this…
http://i.imgur.com/6cholWS.jpg
Needless to say…I may not be around for the game…seriously…if I can figure out how to get my fucking shoes on without screaming in pain…I am gone.
YOU GO ON THOSE HILLS SOLDIER AND YOU TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS!
MAKE US PROUD!
I’m not a religious man, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
She seems nice. Except for whatever reasons you two broke up.
What’s in the syringe?
Pain medicine?
“Pain” “medicine”?
Bourble?
Whatever level comes after that, yes.
So he’ll be broken into at least three pieces after this?
Demarcus Ware is out. ALL of our safeties are out or banged up (TJ Ward is gonna try to play, I think). The sports world let me know how much it planned to shit on me when Tim Fucking Howard let in 4 goals in a home loss to fucking Stoke this morning.
Hippo gon’ need ALL TEH PILLS
People, have your tickets OUT. Throw your cameras OUT. Surrender all identification.
Jim Irsay is willing to share but he draws the line at your claim to “all the pills.”
Hippo, try being a Fulham supporter, I wish for the days of the Prem and our Michel Jackson statue.
We all rolling now…
I did me a wee bit of work today which consisted of sitting at home waiting for phone calls so I had Taken:2 on in the background. Yes, it’s a typical middle (read:bottom) of the road actioner where the brown guys are badding it up and the put-upon white guy sets everything back in order. The last line of the movie made me laugh or shudder, I can’t remember.
It turns out that Liam Neeson’s daughter’s boyfriend is a ‘swarthy type’. After introducing said boyfriend she says, “Don’t shoot him like all the others. I like him.”
“He’s one of the good ones.”
The first movie is pretty heavy on the slut shaming. The “good” virginal girl survives despite being tempted by the “bad” slutty one who ultimately dies.
Man, I bet being a male teenager in a society that sacrifices female virgins was pretty great when sacrifice season was around the corner.
Oh hell.
Why did I throw this up so early? I was typing on an empty stomach.
Sounds like it’s even emptier now.
I’m not in bourble, am I?
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