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Cin @ Den: What to make of Denver? They’re the first team in a few years to not score any points at all in the second half of three straight games. They’ve lost their last two, they’ve beaten San Diego (like everyone else), they beat the P*ts in OT (did NE win the toss in that one?), and they lost 17-15 to the Bears. A devout Broncs fan “says” (meaning he mumbles through tears), It’s not a slow fade, honest! Let’s math it up for a bit, shall we? If the Broncs win tonight the chances of a first-round bye rise to 72%, yet if they lose the odds of them missing the playoffs altogether increase to 23%. Isn’t football fandom fun in a severe chest-pain kind of way? But there is some good news… HERE COMES CINCY! [camera pans to a lone figure limping over the horizon, backlit by a setting sun] That illustration is, like, way metaphorical, right? QB Dalton and TE Ifart are out so the Bengals won’t be looking like a 3-loss team. My prediction is that each squad has the exact same game plan-pack the box and make the QB win it with his arm/smarts. This means the game is determined by which team has the better secondary/pass rush. Denver? Denver.
Your Very Last Monday Nighter Open Thread
You know who’s most pissed off tonight? King Laserface. He can no longer ruin the Donks’ season. Now if he wins in Mile High this Sunday, he only improves Elway’s draft position.
Oxygen for Denver!
/dodges Coors Light empties
By the way…this is incredibly rude of me… the women I keep posting gif’s of is Vica Kerekes, She is a Slovak actress best known for the film “Men in Hope”. Not surprising, this is a Slovak film. So…you tell the wife “hey…let’s get some culture…and its a romantic comedy!”
And she is in it…YOU’RE WELCOME!
Is she the one tying her hair back with her thong while playing pool?
Because I have a pool table.
Yes! That is from the film I mentioned.
I am going to watch the fuck out of that film.
Wa wa wa wee wa.
THE NUUUGGGEEE
I believe that’s a slice.
We secretly replaced this Broncos secondary with the Ravens secondary. Let’s see if anyone notices.
This may be true considering they intercepted Ben twice yesterday and allowed no TDs.
I miss Mike Brown is a cheapskate jokes, let’s do some
Mike Brown is such a cheapskate, that he refused to pay full price for a pair of literal cheap skates.
Mike Brown is so cheap, he asks the usher for change when he puts money into the donation plate.
Mike Brown is so cheap, he won’t hire a GM and makes his kids do the job! Oh, wait…
Mike Brown is so cheap he wouldn’t pay $25 more to buy the Ohio football team he shared a name with.
Actually that may not have been a bad thing.
Mike Brown has given out the same fruit cake for the last 10 years…
Yes. Yes. Keep single covering AJ Green.
Seems a little late in season for Denver to be looking to improve their draft position.
What up my glip-glops?
More beer.
You cant say that! I can’t even say that, and some of my best friend are Traflorkians.
I GOT ANTS IN MY EYES
The bullpen strikeout totals, somehow?
Ayo so’thothoth’l Beergh!
BEERGH zo’luthathor! BEERGH antha’da so lantum! BEERGH! Da’l BEERGH!
Whoa, whoa, whoa… slow down there, James Joyce. We don’t speak Irish here. Take that shit somewhere else.
Just say a Hail Mary like the rest of us.
Friggin’ Orthodox show-offs.
CAN TAH TAK ABALLAH!
Hey, so how’s it… oh. It’s like that.
Muting every time this Southwest commercial comes on because it’s unbearably fucking loud.
3rd and 15, let me throw a 7 yard route…
Brock is Alex Smith except bad.
Also, tall.
aka Dan McGwire
In Peter Crouch’s body
You mean worse right?
Will Peyton Manning play next season?
There are always stupid teams, but I don’t think they’re THAT stupid.
well, there’s The Factory, but I don’t think he wants the wins records THAT bad
I was gonna say Factory. GET OUT OF MY HEAD
I seriously hope not. We got enough of the “oldest quarterback to start a game” this year with Hasselback.
As himself in GNC ads.
Will they test for HGH next season?
Won’t matter HGH grew his neck already.
My wife is watching Fallon clips on YouTube, and I am seriously considering joining her
YOU GOTTA FIGHT THIS MAN !!!
Damn it man…there are better clips to be watching!
Aw these accents on this documentary are fawking hilarious. Its wicked awsome swar to gwad yous fawckers!!!
Id like to think that when Jason Pominville got traded to Minnesota that whole town just packed up and moved 600 miles down the road.
HAIL BLEERGH, flags for the flag god!
HAIL BLEERGH
A Bengals – Cardinals Super Bowl would be nice.
Goodell tried to arrange for the kidnapping of every refs family, but he only got a hold of the ex-wives.
I think the real concern here is that Geno’s spleen and gallbladder weighed 30 pounds to begin with.
WARNING: SCIENCE CONTENT.
Jesus, even Peyton’s Christmas lights are engaged in some sort of performance enhancement.
“Red-green-red-white-H-G-H”
Nationwide: DRINK EXTRA
Wife: “That laundry isn’t going to fold itself.”
Me: “I know some other things that aren’t going to take care of themselves.”
Wife: “Christmas is over, big guy.”
#bengalzi
REX BURKHEAD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFHlJ2voJHY
BUTCH DEADLIFT
I had to flip over to HBO for this documentary on Cape Cod Heroin.
I love the promos for it… Shows nice beach front property “If it could happen here”
Shows young white kids shooting up “And it could happen to these kids”
Title Screen “It could happen anywhere!”
Except…fucking skag heads are predominately rich, suburbanites with more money than common fucking sense. If there was a smack epidemic in the Mississippi Delta where the majority of residents still don’t have indoor plumbing…that would be surprising…
Exactly. I don’t get it. Has no one ever lived in a rich neighborhood?
I think it’s a part of the unspoken American belief that if you’re rich you’re a “better” person and therefore wouldn’t do such things.
Oh, and it’s fear pandering to naive suburbanites who are terrified of the idea of drugs invading their idyllic neighborhood.
Well the people without plumbing probably don’t have HBO. It’s not like Treme was written for lower 9th residents.
Who the fuck was Treme written for? That show was awful.
“We can leave the calls up to Hochuli, it’s not like he’d screw us–”
[door flies open]
“WHAT? HUH? WHAT?”
Office guy is in a Benghazi movie? That’s a terrible idea.
“Yeah, the White House will be sending support any time now.”
(stares at camera, breaking fourth wall)
Meanwhile, Obama’s holding ludicrous diversity seminars…
“We’re not going to provide any additional security.”
[extremely Jim Halpert face]
“Madam Secretary, you sent the troops to Benghazi, right?”
(Hillary looks up, mortified)
“I thought you said ‘Bulgaria’”
/music from Curb Your Enthusiasm closing credits
Will McCarron be a starter somewhere next year?….Are the Browns dumb enough to trade for him?
No and yes
/Mike Brown would never trade anyone on a contract that cheap
Houston will need someone to start in place of TJ Yates after he tears his ACL again walking onto the practice field.
Yes, they are. As someone alluded to earlier, Pettine hates Johnny.
I dream of a scenario that puts Johnny in Dallas. But I’d settle for Houston.
I’m surprised it hasn’t happened already.
Better than Crosseyes for my Iggles if you ask me,
I liked McCarron better when he was a jockey.
It’s kind of funny to see the Broncos defenders make the “incomplete” signal on each sideline catch only to be immediately corrected by the officials.
You just have to believe it hard enough and it’ll come true!
Gruden wants some Saban dick
but they’ve been out of business since 2002
McCarron looks a lot like Rex Grossman.
A very Bengals thing would be a disappointing end to a good season because their backup qb isnt very good. They could go full Browns if McCarron takes them deep in to the playoffs, shows promise, they try to keep both QBs and end up ruining not one but two careers.
My scenario for a good outcome to the Ohio State v. Notre Dame game:
King Kong enters stadium.
Godzilla enters stadium.
Doors locked from outside, clear plastic dome fitted on top of stadium.
Do as thou will.
But, if that happens, Sill’s going to have to get his jetpack out again, while Horatio and I distract the damn, dirty ape. I don’t want another concussion.
I’m game!
As long as Urban Liar gets his personal pizza, am ok with this.
I was gonna go with meteor, buy this would make better TV
As long as anyone but the guy who directed Godzilla 2014 is in charge. If he directed the broadcast, every time Godzilla took a swing at Kong we’d cut away to news footage from outside the stadium.
FOUR MONSTERS ENTER, ONE MONSTER LEAVES
Would be interesting, from a social engineering standpoint, whether the Domers’ instinct to rape or the Bucks’ urge to cannibalize would win out.
If the NCAA Championship is Alabama vs. Oklahoma, I’m joining ISIS
I dunno who Vance Walker is. Perhaps this is why the defense is no longer a dominant force.
Vance Walker sounds like the name of a hero in a Danger Guerrero production.
Son of Texas Ranger, coming from CBS next fall.
Wance Valker
Lance Kawver
Well at least this felt like it went quickly?
– the girl from Saturday night.
Tannehill’s wife or McCarron’s wife?
Yes
McCarron’s, right? You just know Lauren Tannehill has a futon covered in guns.
McCarron’s is much more my taste.
Urge to throw something at the TV: RISING
McCarron’s chest tattoo gives him his power.
We need a term for what college football is trying to do with New Year’s Eve, and I propose “holiday capture.”
Or “A Fucking Stupid Idea”
Seriously, show two marquee games on a night when even the most wallflower of folks are not going to be home?
Do it on New Years day, that’s when it used to be great to be hungover and die on your couch while watching JV Football.
As a recluse I LAUGH AT THESE SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS
I don’t feel like “Jan from Toyota” ever became a thing, but Toyota really wants her to be a thing.
They’ve begun emphasizing her legs in an attempt to up the brand recognition.
Agree. It’s like they’re trying too hard.
But the girl from Verizon, with that sexy innocence and nice jugs, she is a thing. A real thing. I have a thing for her.
Lily from ATT?
Yes, it must be that I was only paying attention to her sexy eyes, or hidden jugs, and I didn’t realize what service they were hawking.
Maybe I will go to bed at the half and there will be magic like against the P*ts.
Bedmagic!
Derperate times call for derperate measures.
Don’t tell JustStopDude about this Minnesota place
http://imgur.com/HTp91qE
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
http://i.imgur.com/HTp91qE.png
That Ginger looks bottle made…still nice.
That’s like complaining your free scotch is only a ten year old.
That’s better than a free ten-year-old.
JustStopDude just used that emoticon.
AllState: DRINK
Vontaez Birfuct and Brock Osweiler sound like perfect names for South African mercenaries.
Straight out of Banshee.
All they need is to hang out with that son of a bitch Van Owen, and they can blow off Roland’s head.
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