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Cin @ Den: What to make of Denver? They’re the first team in a few years to not score any points at all in the second half of three straight games. They’ve lost their last two, they’ve beaten San Diego (like everyone else), they beat the P*ts in OT (did NE win the toss in that one?), and they lost 17-15 to the Bears. A devout Broncs fan “says” (meaning he mumbles through tears), It’s not a slow fade, honest! Let’s math it up for a bit, shall we? If the Broncs win tonight the chances of a first-round bye rise to 72%, yet if they lose the odds of them missing the playoffs altogether increase to 23%. Isn’t football fandom fun in a severe chest-pain kind of way? But there is some good news… HERE COMES CINCY! [camera pans to a lone figure limping over the horizon, backlit by a setting sun] That illustration is, like, way metaphorical, right? QB Dalton and TE Ifart are out so the Bengals won’t be looking like a 3-loss team. My prediction is that each squad has the exact same game plan-pack the box and make the QB win it with his arm/smarts. This means the game is determined by which team has the better secondary/pass rush. Denver? Denver.
Your Very Last Monday Nighter Open Thread
Sweet. My strategy of hiding in the dishwasher is working
back in with ye!!!!
oh my goodness oh my damn
hey the boncos did a thing
Demaryius Thomas inching toward that 66-point night.
Mister Anderson…
Buttholes: Unclenched.
Totally illogically, I would bet the opposite. Pucker factor increase.
Well, that’s unfortunate…
2 McManus kicks is the only way, hope, and light
OR THAT BY BELOVED CJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AJ’s miffed at that drop of a precious, precious pass. Needs grit.
Not saying I found why Otto Man disappeared but I am saying it is interesting that he disappeared on March 18th and he is a KC Chiefs fan. A man named Bill Otto announced he was running for Congress in Missouri and he has 2 sons.
I refuse to believe that Otto is a Cards Fan
I think he is a Royals fan?
This story has legs! Not unlike CJ. Wooooo
Little known rule that if a guy wasn’t drafted you’re not allowed to block him.
Even wearing a toque, Dalton looks like the ginger antichrist.
not a drop of daywalker in him
THIS ANDY DALTON, I CALL HIM THE VAMPIRE BECAUSE HE SUCKS AT NIGHT
Godamnit. Snow and Zero got me singing about George Washington.
He’ll save children, but not the British children.
Geooooorge Washington Briiiiiidge…
Brock has these brief bursts where he looks like a B+ NFL QB, and I’m like “yeah, sign him to a medium money extension.”
THEN HE HAS A CHANCE TO WIN THE GAME AND DOES FUCKING THAT
Offer to borrow Ryan Mallett still on table.
give him a bump and send him over!
What up y’all? This game worth tuning in for the last quarter?
Yes, you can feel the tension in all the Donks’ fans’ a-holes.
much like the plus-size ladies in Billy Bob’s malls, I won;t shit right for a week
Oh, come now, if we’ve learned anything from the Dok, is not to stick our fingers into strangers buttholes too soon.
Words to live by, no doubt.
Another thing about ESPNDeportes: the women in the ads are better looking. Even the grandmas on the calling card commercials. ?
This is true. And they dress… better.
Cleavage City man.
No joke. And the legs. The legs, man!
Goddamnit Brock
God it’s just infuriating
What do you cheesefucks think about Eagle Rare bourbon? I quite enjoy it.
Send me a bottle and I’ll let you know.
I bet Demaryius Thomas threw rocks at trains on Christmas.
Somehow, this game has actually gone by pretty fast.
Not for Donks fans. They are at full pucker.
Karmic retribution for last night.
Motorhead doing R.A.M.O.N.E.S. There’s a whole lot of great dead rock ‘n roll going on here.
“There’s a whole lot of great dead rock ‘n roll going on here.” was a bad choice for the official Lynyrd Skynyrd plane crash memorial site.
Fuck Skynrd.
facked ‘er grade
Do you think Tirico makes a small, deep cut on his forearm for every MNF broadcast he successfully completes?
Is it just me, or does Tirico sound more and more like Berman with each passing week?
And is that a racist statement?
Sure, we’ll run a quarterback draw with the guy who has like an eight-foot stride.
George Washington? 6 foot 20 made of radiation?
opponents beware
He’s coming he’s coming he’s coming, let me lay it on the line, he’s got four on the vine. That’s right two sets of testicles so divine?
Factor grade?
He is just making shit up now.
Lead singer for Queens of the Stone Age has a hot as fucking wife. Talented too..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE2051n3O-I
The ex was playing this chick while we were fucking around.
She’s gonna regret this video so much when she runs for head of the PTA.
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
The thing is most likely half dead. It would be the equivalent of you or I trying to walk around the top of Mount Everest.
Animals can function far beyond their normal pressure range. Also…I am certain some Japanese people have already fucked and then eaten it.
How did Peyton get so big? He’s as huge as a mountain!
So what kind of HGH does Manning use? Secret software upgrade? Classified Chinese hardware? Wetworks?
RAM upgrade
http://downloadmoreram.com/
Aww jeez Ma, put ’em away!
Prime example of upping your stock by getting between two fugly chicks.
She’s not stupid.
What did the fans chant?
PEY
TON
CHEATS
NON-COM-PETE I think
CUT THAT MEAT
There was a bris in the stands, to be fair.
This game would be way more fun if ESPN would take a page from CBS and show AJ McCarron’s Mom and GF every other play.
Good times.
Usually when a drive is this much of a disaster, Leonard Little is behind the wheel.
Swish!
We would also have accepted Josh Brent.
Donte Stallworth is acceptable as well.
I wouldn’t let Hochuli file a general denial for me.
THIS OFFICIATING CREW, I CALL THEM FIRST TIME VISITORS TO DENVER, BECAUSE THEY’RE HIGH AS SHIT AND MISSING A LOT OF WHAT’S GOING ON AROUND THEM
That raises a question. So they got beer guys selling at games.
In Denver, do they got wee guys?
That would be very good.
*weed
But awesome typo.
Maybe I need a weed guy.
Line judge is like “yeah, I’ll pretend to have seen that”
BLEERGH CARES NOT WHEN THE FLAG IS CALLED.
What the fuck is the 5-hour debate on a facemask call?
Ice Giants: Still forgetting how to play defense.
PROTIP: Don’t eat that third serving of tikki masala. Your insides will revolt like 18th century French peasants.
Since you’re already in trouble, might as well go for fourfths
Why stop there?
You didn’t need your ass anyway.
But
but it’s tikka masala
I’m bored so I am going to throw out stats now:
In 1961 George Blanda led the AFL in: Passing TDs, passing YPG, QB ratings, field goal made percentage, and extra points made/attempted (64/65)
That’s pretty much the ultimate Flex player, no?
First round pick in the Insanity League for sure.
He would KILL in Sill ‘s Insanity League.
If fantasy football had existed then, he’d have been drafted first overall and started every week at kicker.
If Buck and Aikman were calling this Super Bowl then I would watch it on ESPN Deportes
We should put together a special Super Bowl Soundtrack as an alternative to network commentary.
I’d probably watch in on ESPN Deportes anyway if we had the feed in Canada. Might watch a French-language feed instead if Simms and Nantz get too much to handle.
Sounds great! I love deportes!
– Donald Trump
Can someone please explain to me why fucking NFL is trying to put a team in London but not in fucking Mexico?
I am willing to be FAR more people watching ESPNDesportes coverage of the NFL than fucking ESPNBritishFancyLad coverage of the London games.
$
I was trying to figure out how to say that without sounding racist.
Simplicity was the key. Well done.
That’s a bullshit argument through and through. Mexico is the 14th largest economy in the world.
You telling me Jacksonville cracks the top 50?
Yeah, but pouring all the rich people into one stadium makes it easier for the kidnappers.
It’s a matter of who has the money. Most Mexicans can’t drop $100+ per ticket. It’s still a relatively poor country.
Mexico City would be an intimidating place to play and would have more of the altitude of Denver.
Plus, air you can taste.
The feed us great! They put “Castigo” (punishment) in yellow when a flag is thrown. They know their Beergh.
You really want to see Azteca fans fight a coalition of Raiders and Eagles fans don’t you.
Muy fuckin’ bien!
Could they find a more stereotypical sounding Hispanic?
He is horrible.
Why is the Mexican guy on?
Then I was like
ESPN has taken many things I’ve loved, and turned them into rotten dogshit
I prefer BO to Subway Stink
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