![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
Cin @ Den: What to make of Denver? They’re the first team in a few years to not score any points at all in the second half of three straight games. They’ve lost their last two, they’ve beaten San Diego (like everyone else), they beat the P*ts in OT (did NE win the toss in that one?), and they lost 17-15 to the Bears. A devout Broncs fan “says” (meaning he mumbles through tears), It’s not a slow fade, honest! Let’s math it up for a bit, shall we? If the Broncs win tonight the chances of a first-round bye rise to 72%, yet if they lose the odds of them missing the playoffs altogether increase to 23%. Isn’t football fandom fun in a severe chest-pain kind of way? But there is some good news… HERE COMES CINCY! [camera pans to a lone figure limping over the horizon, backlit by a setting sun] That illustration is, like, way metaphorical, right? QB Dalton and TE Ifart are out so the Bengals won’t be looking like a 3-loss team. My prediction is that each squad has the exact same game plan-pack the box and make the QB win it with his arm/smarts. This means the game is determined by which team has the better secondary/pass rush. Denver? Denver.
Your Very Last Monday Nighter Open Thread
“How many ex Jaguars are playing for other teams?” -Gruden asking the tough questions
Only the ones who escaped.
None, because there is no fucking team called the “Jagwires”. Learn to correctly pronounce teams you fucking Chuckie doll monster.
A draw play? Brilliant!
Trickeration! A Marv Lewis staple.
Nice to see DeNiro has gone full Bickle.
Robert DeNiro in “I Desperately Need A New Agent”
I can’t wait for him to show up on Ray Liotta’s new show.
I like Ray Liotta in most things but that show man, -shudder-, that’s just a bridge too far.
But…JLo! Drea! Blue lenses!
It’ll be like watching The Sopranos through my mother’s cataracts.
DeNiro just wants to fakefuck a young supple 20 year old.
Can anyone blame him?
I would imagine the supple 20 year-old isn’t so thrilled about it.
Those are the thoughts of Jerry Jones’ bus driver constantly.
That’s what the money’s for.
If he still had money, I’m pretty sure there’d be a few who could handle it. I mean, it’s not like Anna Nicole Smith died of shame or anything, right?
The cocaine* that killed her was to cover the shame, so yes, indirectly shame killed her.
*I may be wrong about that but I care so little about Anna Nicole Smith that I just spent far more time typing about how little I care about Anna Nicole Smith than it would have taken me to look it up.
New Years Eve can go fall down a fucking well.
Only if it goes well.
Speaking of DeNiro cashing paycheques…
http://www.moviesonline.ca/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/new-years-eve-movie-poster.jpg
I believe an ex-girlfriend dragged me to this. Guh.
The small things that mean a lot against good defenses, like touchdowns
The time is now. The time is now for a McCarron pick six.
Does Robert DeNiro owe money to the IRS or something?
Either DeNiro has lost everything he has in some weird pyramid scheme, or he has lost his mind, or his integrity. Or all three.
Someone on here recently said something about walking out of ‘Godfather II’ and saying “that DeNiro is pretty good, but it’ll be another 40 years before he’s good enough to play Zac Efron’s grandfather in a buddy comedy.”
That person nailed it.
After checking the halftime score, I have decided to come out of my self-imposed interwebz/sports isolation booth tonight to support my Hippo. You’re welcome.
And look at that!!!! Mebbe I have outlived my jinxyness.
But probably not.
Is it me or does Osweiler have the most uncomfortable throwing motion I have ever seen?
I see your Osweiler and raise you a Tebow.
Yeah, third-most uncomfortable delivery I’ve seen from a Broncos quarterback, after Tebow and Plummer.
Fourth most after Peyton’s Viagra arrives unannounced.
my elbow hurts just watching
Did he really just say something about how a quarterback can make plays when he has protection? That is some in depth analysis
How was that not a trip? Or a PI?
Trip could be incidental. PI seemed … at least an illegal contact, I’d say.
These tackles look like they really hurt. Yeesh.
FG range WOO
Did anyone ever find out where/what happened to Otto Man?
If I had to guess, and I do, I would guess that he is running for political office somewhere and decided to start by completely erasing his internet history.
Either that or is brain is in jar 30,000 years back in time.
Running for President under his pseudonym, “Ted Cruz.”
I thought on the old site we concluded Otto Man was in fact Hillary Clinton.
I heard boating accident involving Mexican gangs or something…
http://cdn0.wideopenspaces.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/1Man-wiped-out-by-boat-jet-shower.png
It is odd that a few of the diehards from the site to not be named did not come over to our little dick joke nirvana.
I think they are at the site which is the No Homer’s Club to our Stonecutters. That or Twitter, everybody just uses fucking twitter these days.
Otto had actually left before we started this thing. He even announced it.
I still miss I Love It When You Call Me Bob Poppa; that guy was a fucking riot.
Throwing into double coverage for Jordan Norwood is an awful life choice.
SERIOUS
Of COURSE the Jaguars were the last team to do that.
Dear GOD. They’ve done it. They’ve finally done it.
The GOP has reanimated Ronald Reagan to run for president!
At the half Demaryius Thomas has scored 2.5 of the 65.54 points I need to tie Make It Snow for the Gratuitous Simpsons References league title.
I can smell the comeback now!
Yeah, well, you can’t take the final week’s worst score from me! IT’S MINE!
I was legitimately worried about that. I had some bad match-ups this week and even with that most of the team underperformed.
In hindsight picking Trent Richardson up off of waivers may not have been the best move.
/shakes fist at Sep
DAMN YOU!!!
It’s gonna happen. The Broncos play one good half of football every week.
If I see Trevor Siemian on the field for one play this game I’m leaving.
You’re more likely to see Siemian on the field if Rex Grossman was playing.
Buddy Cole Story Time: 1998 Jets
I went to five wins at Giants Stadium during the ’98 season and there was some pretty cool shit in hindsight.
Game 1: Jets 44, Colts 6
Pey-Pey’s 3rd career start, and when Ray Lucas got into games you knew you could leave be it for an injured Testaverde or a blowout. This was the latter.
Game 2: Jets 28, Falcons 3
Steve DeBerg’s last career start in the NFL, and yes he looked every much of his 44 years old that day.
Game 3: Jets 34, Bills 12
Flutie magic… was gone. I remember someone had a box of Flutie Flakes in our section and had defaced his face (shockingly no penis).
Game 4: Jets 32, Seahawks 31
Vinny Testaverde’s phantom touchdown that was one the shining examples as to why the NFL needed replay. It won the game for the Jets, and knocked the Seahawks from a playoff position and Dennis Erickson from a job.
Game 5: Jets 31, Patriots 10
Lots of people start fights at post-Christmas games. Lots of them.
So the five opposing starting QBs I saw were:
Peyton Manning
Steve DeBerg
Doug Flutie
Jon Kitna
Scott Zolak
Happy Halftiming.
The radio announcer was just very inaccurate. He said that if Cincinnati wins, they secure a playoff spot. No, if Cincinnati wins, they secure a playoff *loss*.
Wait, the NFL’s obligated to investigate allegations even after the person who made them recants?
Tom Brady put a whole bottle of deer antler spray on his dick and then fucked a llama.
That’s not true. I regret saying it.
Bullshit.
You don’t regret that at all.
JJ Watt is Kaiser Soze.
This would explain a LOT, actually.
Should’ve been 14-0 if Kirkpatrick didn’t Kirkpatrick himself all over the field.
I wonder how long it took the producers to coach Berman through the pronunciation of Al Jazeera.
Andy Reid’s not dabbing there, he just spilled some barbecue sauce on his elbow.
Just found out Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead, (as opposed to that other Lemmy Kilmister I guess), passed away today. I am blasting ‘Ace of Spades’ as we speak. He would have wanted it that way.
I was lucky enough to see them twice, once in a far too small for them venue in Hartford that is the second loudest show I’ve ever seen, (Nashville Pussy at the El ‘n Gee in New London deafened me for three days), where Lemmy started by just walking out and saying “We’re Motorhead. We play rock and roll.” and then proceeded to blow the roof off the place doing just that.
RIP you magnificent bastard.
Never really listened to Motorhead, but Lemmy still seemed like a pretty fucking cool guy all the same to me. Definitely a big loss to the world of music today.
But Lemmy Kilmister of 207 Dappled Meadow Lane is okay, right?
Fucker better be…
Asshole still has my lawnmower…
Keith Richards crosses another name off his list.
Met the dude once at The Rainbow in LA. He was cool as hell about dipshit fans like me interrupting his pac-man game.
I am watching the show from the Stage Fright dvd. I also recommend the Lemmy movie. Killed by death (cancer, close enough). RIP Lord Lemmy
Halftime means back to Mythbusters.
Halftime
The best thing about ESPN’s Xbox One app is missing the first play after every commercial break.
If you asked opposing pass rushers to design a right tackle, you’d get Michael Schofield.
sigh, so very goddamned true
We totes needed Murder Guy.
I SHALL PURCHASE NORTHROP GRUMMAN PRODUCTS
http://www.ultraimg.com/images/D1O3.gif
The Slovaks do romantic comedies SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN WE DO!!!
They call them RomCums.
You are on fire tonight.
Baby, Buddy ALWAYS satisfies.
Would you call him flaming?
That’s a romantic comedy?
Yeah. I don’t see anything funny here. 2/10
I’m not laughing. Jerking it yes, laughing no.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFRk8ofmQRw
The trailer…it has happy go lucky music!!!
She purty.
Well, I mean, it’s funny to me that I’m not somehow the guy in the chair right now, but I guess that’s actually considered a tragedy more than anything.
I don’t like Ronnie Hillman. May have mentioned this before.
Fuck that guy.
FREE JUWAN THOMPSON
Gruden: “I can’t wait to see Osweiler finish!”
Tall guy porn!
I can’t imagine what hell it must be for a QB prospect to have to sit through three hours of Gruden’s bullshit.
Gruden: “Hey, you know what, you’re tall! That means the linebacker can see you!”
Osweiler: “Oh hey, thanks, lemme write that down.”
/scribbles furiously
Geez, the only thing Denver can stop now is someone with sickle cell.
Ryan Clark does not think you’re funny.
I do though.
Banner quote? Banner quote.
Did the original founders of Subway come up with the idea of having a pedophile hawk their products?
The marketers said, “we need some way to distract people from this Jared nightmare,” and when some intern muttered, “why not just show TWO creepy guys with mousetaches hawking your crap sammiches,” no one realized he was kidding.
Holy shit.
That looked like a goddam moon shot
A GOOD THING HAPPENED
Gruden is fucking weird.
Brock Osweiler: “Goddammit, now that I’m a starter I have to talk to Gruden.”
He’s just hoping not to be molested, you can tell.
It’s that eye telegraphing!
Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.
Jimmy Graham played basketball in college.
Can AJ McCarron kick field goals?
He’s really good at outkicking his coverage.
Just turned on the TV. I guess I haven’t missed much, have I?
Well, there’s another Nugent I’d never go bowhunting with.
Nugent has a touch of the cat scratch fever
None of the guys in this “well put together men” GMC commercial would even be able to open the door on an SUV.
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