Your Very Last Monday Nighter Open Thread

Cin @ Den: What to make of Denver? They’re the first team in a few years to not score any points at all in the second half of three straight games. They’ve lost their last two, they’ve beaten San Diego (like everyone else), they beat the P*ts in OT (did NE win the toss in that one?), and they lost 17-15 to the Bears. A devout Broncs fan “says” (meaning he mumbles through tears), It’s not a slow fade, honest!  Let’s math it up for a bit, shall we? If the Broncs win tonight the chances of a first-round bye rise to 72%, yet if they lose the odds of them missing the playoffs altogether increase to 23%. Isn’t football fandom fun in a severe chest-pain kind of way? But there is some good news… HERE COMES CINCY! [camera pans to a lone figure limping over the horizon, backlit by a setting sun] That illustration is, like, way metaphorical, right? QB Dalton and TE Ifart are out so the Bengals won’t be looking like a 3-loss team. My prediction is that each squad has the exact same game plan-pack the box and make the QB win it with his arm/smarts. This means the game is determined by which team has the better secondary/pass rush. Denver? Denver.

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blackroseMD1

Wow.

WCS

BUTTHOLES: REPUCKERED

Senor Weaselo

SHANK.

ballsofsteelandfury

Let us celebrate the end of Peyton Manning’s career!

makeitsnowondem

Snake Dick is the hero we need, and the one we deserve.

WCS

Game.

litre_cola

Did you write that in your notebook?

WCS

Verily.

King Hippo

run, run, kick

JustStopDude

I want one of these things…until someone loses an eye…

http://i.imgur.com/A29BSZ4.gifv

Senor Weaselo

I want one of those so someone loses an eye.

The Maestro

I have one. It’s way too much fun.

I am banned from using it whenever we have parties in the house now though, unfortunately.

Senor Weaselo

Boo…

ballsofsteelandfury

That was a nice pass. The next one not so much.

King Hippo

SNAKE DICK REDUX!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean this is just sad.

Senor Weaselo

We have a Snake Dick sighting!

theeWeeBabySeamus

1:40
That’s like :45 more than Brocky needs.
This is in the bag.

WCS

So… Jock Rowsdower pick-six?

Old School Zero

Only if Hippo says.

JustStopDude

comment image

makeitsnowondem

MANCE WALKER THE KING BEYOND THE WALL

Shogun Marcus

Sonofabitch we got thundersnow. Climate change ain’t real my ass.

makeitsnowondem

I have always wanted to see thundersnow.

King Hippo

I HAVE SEEN IT! WOO, the South!!

litre_cola

We had that up here earlier in the winter, was very weird!

The Maestro

Man, I fucking love thundersnow. It almost never happens, but when it does, I feel like Thor himself is throwing the entire meteorological fury of Scandinavia at us.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Draw play coming up, followed by a punt.

Senor Weaselo

For a touchback.

ballsofsteelandfury

CALLED IT!

Don T

70?
Asshole

JustStopDude
ballsofsteelandfury

Very nice.

WCS

There’s a lot going on here.

King Hippo

in all serious, before you posted that, I had the smurfs theme song in my head

JustStopDude

Its my gift…its my curse…like that guy who would have visions of graphic murders from the show “Millennium”…only with goofy gifs…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Millennium/Lance Henriksen reference.
WOOOOO!!!!!

/still miss that show

JustStopDude

I always figured his character HAD to be a vegetarian right?!?

Every time he picks up a burger, he is experiencing the cow being slaughtered and shit right?

litre_cola

Peyton warming up yet?

King Hippo

(screams unitelligably at litre_cola, probably about maple syrup and superfluous u’s)

Horatio Cornblower

Goddammit we just lost power. Won’t fet it back for another hour and a half. This is just as bad as when I went to the Anne Frank house and founf it disappointing! My Kit Kats will melt without proper refrigeration! WON’t SOMEBODY THINK OF THE KIT KATS!?!?!?

The Maestro

This right here is why you shouldn’t leave food out in your locker, Horatio.

JustStopDude

What the fuck is the power company even doing?!?

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llk1mlNhwX1qg9y2oo1_400.gif

Moonbatting Average

Argh!

King Hippo

I only have 1.7 beers left to dull the pain, too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds like a good night to bust into the oxy reserve stash.
And don’t you even try to tell you don’t fucking have one.

Hippo, you have any stock tips, I’ll make sure to short whatever you pick.

makeitsnowondem

The Big Shart

Old School Zero

Also known as Peter King

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Invest in Danny Woodhead!

King Hippo

I’m a liberal Demmycrat, I can’t even pretend to know ANYTHING about money ,, smh

theeWeeBabySeamus

I nearly just spit diet coke thru my nose.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well fuck, now I feel bad.
I’m sorry Hippo.

King Hippo

IT IS ALL MY FAULT. I JINXED HIM, IN THE WORSTEST WAY POSSIBLE.

makeitsnowondem

fuck me

Senor Weaselo

THIS MICHAEL JOHNSON I CALL HIM AGENT SMITH BECAUSE HE JUST TOOK OUT MR. ANDERSON

makeitsnowondem

If you can’t make them defend the length of the field, at least make them defend the width I guess.

WCS

Buttholes: EXTREMELY puckered

Don T

Scales, tipt

King Hippo

YAY!!!!!!!!!! NAWT on our dipshit OL!!!

JustStopDude

Canada is weird…

http://i.imgur.com/qMQYnvC.gif

Like they don’t even do road rage right…

King Hippo

Fun facts about CJ Anderson. He’s decisive in his cuts, AND has normal, man-sized hands that allow him NAWT to fumble if someone breathes or farts on him.

makeitsnowondem

I heard Ronnie Hillman is fast tho

King Hippo

I jinxed him. I deserve to fucking die.

Old School Zero

Don’t die.

But you do owe snow some beer.

Old School Zero

What was that about fumbles?

King Hippo

see above

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

And he fumbles…

theeWeeBabySeamus

(Hey guys…watch…watch this)
Ahem…

Hey Hippo…how’d Everton do today?

King Hippo

Motherfucker. How much of the cap does Flacco’s GUARANTEED contract take up again? 😀

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO.

See…supportive. Like I said.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This “two hand touch” tackling strategy doesn’t seem to be working for the Bengals.

King Hippo

BLEED

THAT

CLOCK!

King Hippo

6 minute drive, set up McManus. LOTS AND LOTS OF CJA

makeitsnowondem

I don’t believe in this running game. All I want to see is wide receiver screens.

JustStopDude

Gentlemen…

http://i.imgur.com/xeN8b56.gifv

I suspect we made it to overtime…

ballsofsteelandfury

I do believe that is likely.

WCS

Buttholes: Repuckered?

Old School Zero

Oh, come on, people… just use a buttplug for fuck’s sake. It’ll help.

King Hippo

Taxicab confession time – never really unpuckered

theeWeeBabySeamus

So many questions I am afeered of axxing.

makeitsnowondem

Doublepuckered.

King Hippo

oh my God Roby, you so fucking lucky

makeitsnowondem

Roby was bad, but Bush was even worse.

King Hippo

at least he has the excuse of being, like, a 3rd string safety and not a starting NFL CB.

King Hippo

ONE goddamned 3rd down stop, pleaz

makeitsnowondem

I think I understand the false start/neutral zone infraction distinction now. You call it against Denver, right?

ballsofsteelandfury

Funny that Japan has repeatedly gotten people in trouble in this site…

Old School Zero

We have a policy against full Nippon exposure.

makeitsnowondem

That’s fucking fantastic.

makeitsnowondem

And Parcells doesn’t even post here.

nomonkeyfun

Nor Husband Kimmel.

King Hippo

FUCK

Old School Zero

PRE
MA
TURE

ballsofsteelandfury

E
JA

Old School Zero

zzzzzzzzzz…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– not to play internet police or anything but that was a little too much.

JustStopDude

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Be happy it wasn’t octopi.

Old School Zero

APPROPRIATE

ballsofsteelandfury

That girl is texting her friend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cyber-Gojira ate that train.

Col. Duke LaCross

And that post.

ballsofsteelandfury

Well, at least no one will be asking about putting Peyton in now, right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well…Only Peyton, at least.

makeitsnowondem

I’m not making any promises.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Denver ain’t like Tuscaloosa, eh?

Don T

Shit. Why did I switch to beer?