Your Very Last Monday Nighter Open Thread

Cin @ Den: What to make of Denver? They’re the first team in a few years to not score any points at all in the second half of three straight games. They’ve lost their last two, they’ve beaten San Diego (like everyone else), they beat the P*ts in OT (did NE win the toss in that one?), and they lost 17-15 to the Bears. A devout Broncs fan “says” (meaning he mumbles through tears), It’s not a slow fade, honest!  Let’s math it up for a bit, shall we? If the Broncs win tonight the chances of a first-round bye rise to 72%, yet if they lose the odds of them missing the playoffs altogether increase to 23%. Isn’t football fandom fun in a severe chest-pain kind of way? But there is some good news… HERE COMES CINCY! [camera pans to a lone figure limping over the horizon, backlit by a setting sun] That illustration is, like, way metaphorical, right? QB Dalton and TE Ifart are out so the Bengals won’t be looking like a 3-loss team. My prediction is that each squad has the exact same game plan-pack the box and make the QB win it with his arm/smarts. This means the game is determined by which team has the better secondary/pass rush. Denver? Denver.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Congrats to you and Smock Bileswilier on your playoff berth.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thank you very much; I’m thinking one and done……. HOWEVER; looking around the AFC: any team has a shot.

One thing we know for sure; IT’S GONNA GET WEIRD!!

http://45.media.tumblr.com/37a88c65cde26fac264b3faf0855c856/tumblr_nymwbi10VS1tbcweeo1_400.gif

WCS

Genuinely shocked there wasn’t a Yvonne Furneaux image or gif. You slipping?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We need to arm and strap in for the weirdness of the playoffs. We also apparently need the wrong belt-feed ammunition for looks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hopefully you already got shit for “and they lost 17-15 to the Bears.”
http://www.denverbroncos.com/schedule-and-events/game/2015/regular11
I think you meant the shit stained Raiders game they had in their hands.
http://www.denverbroncos.com/schedule-and-events/game/2015/regular14

Redshirt

Well I’m going to go turn off the lights and stare into the darkness of my room while the madness of a fifth straight first round playoff loss starts to pick at my sanity.

Who Dey?! (Texans, Cardinals, Steelers, Broncos, #6 Seed TBD…)

makeitsnowondem

Take heart: The Bengals have way better losses than the Broncos do.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The experts always measure a team by the quality of their losses.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/cabae5067b42b84ecc8d592efc2a9b1e/tumblr_nxmrrm1bE71sndzdgo6_1280.png

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That being said, and I’m looking at this through very double orange glasses, was one of the best games I’ve seen this year; tight and well played. I did yell various form of “CUNT” at the announcers and refs 357 times, so that helped quite a bit. Please add four times at Ray Lewis after the game. Demarcus Ware’s voice sounds like a diminutive piano player and not a very good OLB/DE.

http://45.media.tumblr.com/4c4d362f9d3a6addf6aba7da33586760/tumblr_nynaafuQC91qedb29o1_500.gif

King Hippo

This is the best post-game celebration song I’ve come across recently:

Don T

That’s very very nice. Never knew of them. But that’s a hella blasé celebration.

Sill Bimmons

The Bengals were McCarroned; your tropes are invalid.

King Hippo

happy, happy, joy, joy!

(we kinda suck, but the bye week dream is alive!!)

makeitsnowondem

All we have to do is beat the Chargers! So we’ll trip over our dicks, get up, trip over our dicks again, and lose 15-14.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Philip Rivers likes this +1
His kids like it +9 (?…I’ve lost count)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Meh, they’ve beaten the two top seeds in the AFC with a fairly depleted roster and a backup QB. Maybe you are saying the AFC kinda sucks this year, which could be true. Although in this fucking age of stats at your finger tips the AFC v. NFC for 2015 is deeply buried.

http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m48ipvNrAD1qbgyx2o1_500.gif

makeitsnowondem

I finally feel secure in declaring We Buy Ugly Alpacas the winner of the Gratuitous Simpsons References League.

ballsofsteelandfury

Pfft, I did that HOURS ago.

makeitsnowondem

I have a healthy fear of Demaryius Thomas. He once won Tim Tebow a playoff game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That shows how REALLY good he is.

ballsofsteelandfury

And, with that, Brady’s Anal Balls capture third place.

The Maestro

Ok, midnight Kraft Dinner time. Night gents.

Sill Bimmons
Senor Weaselo

Do you just not have an angry dome?

JustStopDude

WELL I HAVEN”T SO FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR MOM, FUCK YOUR KIDS, FUCK YOUR COUCH!!!

Redshirt

Hey what the fuck did my couch do to you?!

JustStopDude

I GOT BED BUGS!

Or maybe I gave it bed bugs…SOMETHING HAPPENED!!!

makeitsnowondem

Jesus, man, I just

[pours another beer]

JustStopDude

“Well Jon let’s go to the flow chart to get a better understanding of the playoff picture…”

http://sorenandersson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/flow-coin_dynamics_PA-680×385.png

“Yup…cut and dry really”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GAME I CALL IT A TEMPORAL INSTABILITY IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM BECAUSE THE BRONCOS ARE PLAYING LIKE IT’S WEEK 3 AND THE BENGALS ARE PLAYING LIKE IT’S THEIR FIRST PLAYOFF GAME.

Old School Zero

NSZ just puked on your shoes, I think.

ballsofsteelandfury

HAPPY RETIREMENT PEYTON!

King Hippo

What a scream of relief that was,

ballsofsteelandfury

Buttholes: Relaxed.

The Maestro

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WCS

Never change, Bungles.

Moonbatting Average

Well. That’s very Bengals

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kirk Cousins: I told you AJ. But thanks for taking the spotlight off my fuck up.

Duchess

Thats that good Bama education there

Don T

Told ya he was a pretty boy.

Sill Bimmons

oh aj your not good

blackroseMD1

I can’t believe I watched all of this for that ending.

JustStopDude

The Bengals…

http://i.imgur.com/3JHOScj.gifv

Already thinking about the honeymoon…

ballsofsteelandfury

Perfect.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FUCKING BENGALS.

litre_cola

Ball dont lie

Old School Zero

guhhhhhh

That was anticlimactic

bourb0nblues

ROLL DAMN KARMA

Senor Weaselo

Ball don’t lie?

theeWeeBabySeamus

George Gervin finger roll? WTF????

ballsofsteelandfury

Hochuli with a big fuck you to Kubiak there.

Sill Bimmons

GLORP

Senor Weaselo

Touchdown Seahawks.

King Hippo

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

litre_cola

Is the guy talking dead and just warmed up for Monday nights?

JustStopDude

IS THERE ANY SINGLE ASPECT OF THE NFL AT THIS POINT THAT IS A CLEAR CUT DECISION???

Don T

More attention and less ‘splainin’ please Hoch.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You CANNOT overturn that.

Redshirt

BLEERGH is about to fuck the Bengals over.

WCS

What is a uncatch? Goddel’s NLF

Sill Bimmons

FUMBREEEE

ballsofsteelandfury

Let them play! Let them play!

makeitsnowondem

That’s not a damn forward pass.

King Hippo

THAT SHIT BE A FUMBLE KIDS

makeitsnowondem

Todd Davis? I will turn this shit off. I swear to God I will.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kirk Cousins’ armchair advice?
Take a knee, AJ.

Sill Bimmons

Wow.

200 yards on 34 attempts.

Breathtaking.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Let the pucker…RESUME!!!!

JustStopDude

LET’S FUCKING DO THIS!!!

http://i.imgur.com/AJDGe3L.gifv

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